Tattoodies & Other Annoying Hipster Food Trends For 2013

If 2012 was the year of dirty food then 2013 is set to go mental. Think marbles instead of sliders and tattoos over scrag end...
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If 2012 was the year of dirty food then 2013 is set to go mental. Think marbles instead of sliders and tattoos over scrag end...

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Well, what a year 2012 was. Foodies are now hip, restaurants are the new clubs. Chefs are the new DJs. Well don't get left behind FFS. Learn what's going to be lean & mean in '13

1. Tatoodies

Tattooed foodies. You're not a true tatoodie-dudey-foodster-hipster unless you have your favourite chef's tats recreated faithfully.  Make sure you roll up your sleeves to show off your 'Ben's jigsaw puzzle' at the chef's table. Bonus points for adding a depiction of their signature dish.

2. Popsicles

Ice pops really, but better use the American word cos it's cooler. Think Katy Perry/Miley Cirus California meets 70s retro Britain. Served in plastic Mr Freeze packets. To be eaten wearing yellow towelling shorts whilst on roller skates. Up-to-date flavours though, possible Whisky Sour & Negroni versions (Pisco is soo 2012).

3. Stinky rotten tinned fish

Think you're daring eating ants? Scandinavia hasn't unleashed its best kept secret yet. Thought pickled herrings were just for your old Swedish grandpa to eat to remind him of the good old times? Think again

4. Copycats

New restaurants will copy more successful ones. WHO KNEW?!

5. Flavour behaviour

Smoking, pickling, curing… Anything we can do to make it taste unlike what it already was.

6. Nano-foraging

It's long been the MAD rumour that the real flavour in foraged ingredients is in the tiny little elements. Leaf stem hairs, follicles, veins. The possibilities are endless. Apparently golf courses have had to erect fences to keep roving chefs from picking the highly prized sweet and fine 'putting green grass'.

I've heard from a very reliable source there is at least one Danish chef with plans to open a UK based temple to tweezer collecting. Possible name: 'The Moss Cottage'?

7. Cress

The ironic retro mini-garnish that's long overdue a revival. Along with it, egg mayonnaise will see a massive surge in popularity. See also, the humble prawn cocktail and chicken kiev.

8.Vegetables

2013's more groundbreaking trend. Of course! The reaction to the meat obsession. As we all know, London chefs have yet to learn how to cook vegetables. Simple instruction manuals are being devised by farmers about what to do with these these oddities of nature.

9. Popcorn

I envisage entire restaurants based around popcorn. Huge places, dark, with various dining rooms, possibly showing movies. Serving slush puppies, natch.

10. Marbles

Miniature sliders, smaller and more collectable than the current ones (and who would be seen dead ordering them now?). Much more elaborate ingredient variations, vivid colours. The name comes from both the shape and the trading of different rare offerings. Savoury macaroons, or if you will - 'filtharoons'. New York's been on these for months now.