Holopalooza: 5 Dead Celebrities To Give The Tupac Treatment

Tupac's back in hologram form, surely opening the door for more beyond-the-grave comebacks? How about Jeremey Beadle and Steve Jobs?
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Tupac's back in hologram form, surely opening the door for more beyond-the-grave comebacks? How about Jeremey Beadle and Steve Jobs?

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The hologram of Tupac seems to have polarised opinion. Some think it is genius, whilst others seem to think it is slightly ridiculous. I wouldn't pay to watch it myself, but I'd much rather watch a hologram of Tupac than watch Fat Joe or Lil Wayne doing their bad-boy-by-numbers routine.

Imagining a Tupac-inspired craze of holographic performances brings about a lot of possibilities, and I've been thinking of a few beyond-the-grave comebacks that might make some people some money. The possibilities are exciting. Holographic museums, holographic actors, holographic porn stars. Here are the ones I am most excited about as we enter the Holographic Age.

Jeremy Beadle
When he died, much fun was made of Jeremy Beadle's hand. Some people renamed it the 'Beadle Claw' whilst others made jokes about his self-loving technique. When Steve Irwin died there were jokes about him in my inbox less than an hour after it was announced, and most recently Whitney Houston has been the target. It seems people like to pay a backhanded tribute by mocking dead celebrities. It's understandable in some ways, a lot of people need to keep a gallow's humour about these things but the fact that they can't defend themselves makes it seem a bit on the sick side.

So, what more perfect tribute to Mr Beadle than a one-off Beadle's About based on using his hologram to terrify people who make jokes about his deformed hand? For example, get two guys in a pub, one of them tells a distasteful joke about the Beadle Claw, then in comes the Jeremy Beadle hologram. The joker is terrified, prankster hilarity ensues, and a poignant point is made about targeting dead celebrities for jokes.

Royal Rumble
The list of prematurely dead wrestlers grows faster than you can shake a box of steroids at, and you might be surprised to check this website www.deadwrestlers.net. Just checking it now I see Yokozuna has been recently added. I invented a drinking game where you take a random Royal Rumble from the 80s or 90s, get in a load of booze, then as each wrestler enters you drink once if they're still alive and twice if they're dead. With holograms you could make those dream wrestling matches that Father Time conspired to prohibit. What I am imagining is a whole undead Royal Rumble as a tribute to the fallen young soldiers of WWE. It would be a teary nostalgia-fest and would make my drinking game more fierce, if a lot more predictable.

So, what more perfect tribute to Mr Beadle than a one-off Beadle's About based on using his hologram to terrify people who make jokes about his deformed hand?

Steve Jobs
This next one is probably already in development, in fact it may have already happened. I am consistently about 4 years behind Apple and gave up after I put my last ipod in the washing machine, so forgive me. Many people ironically compared Jobs to Jesus after his death because of the reverence with which his death was received. Therefore, an advert where a hologram of Jobs arises from an iphone would be most suitable for Apple. It would of course be announcing the new iHologram app. Jobs himself would be proud.

Jesus
The Jesus hologram is an obvious choice. Let's face it, Christians have a problem being taken seriously these days, their credibility being all but demolished by inbred Americans, 'over-friendly' priests and an almost militant Atheist movement. The hammering Christianity has taken over the last hundred or so years makes you almost feel sorry for them, but the hologram age may provide them with a solution. What they should do is get a Jesus hologram, and use it carefully and secretly to stun Aetheists into submission. A Richard Dawkins book signing would be a great venue for this. Have the Jesus hologram float through the shop spitting some of God's hardest fire and brimstone Old Testament riffs, condemn the sinners in Waterstones to hell, then float off into the sky.

Marilyn Monroe

What list about dead-celebrity-holograms could be complete without referring to the disturbed but mouth-watering possibilities of having holograms of your favourite dead babes? A Marilyn Monroe birthday cake hologram would liven up many a necrophiliacs lonely night in from the cemetery. Who could resist a dance with a hologram Lisa Left-Eye? Or an audience with a hologram Cleopatra? In fact, I think I have just halved the necrophilia rate. You can thank me later via holo-telegram.

Ok I think I've got further than I really should have with this idea, which dead celebrities would you like to see make a return in hologram form?

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