How I Get Away With Masturbating In Public

The eye-watering confessions of a sex fiend. Here's her portfolio of places where she just couldn't help herself, lets pray we can.
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The eye-watering confessions of a sex fiend. Here's her portfolio of places where she just couldn't help herself, lets pray we can.

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It’s great being a girl, especially when it comes to sex. I only need to say the words multiple orgasm for men to feel a compulsion to chop off their balls. No wank will ever compare to the joy of the hooded, hidden glory that is the clit. And don’t they know it.

But one of the most fun things about being a girl is that we can get away with masturbating… anywhere. There’s no body part to whip out, no mess to clear up and no obvious movements that would give the game away. No one has any idea we’re doing it. That’s what makes it so great. Here are a few places I’ve experimented going solo in public…

In the jacuzzi at the gym

I find the jacuzzi a bit boring, and a little socially awkward. It’s like having a bath with complete strangers. So I decided to make the occasion a little more interesting one evening. I sat in a seat of David Lloyd’s hot tub, with just another girl for company. She was wearing a khaki green bikini. I can still picture it now. I realised you could see nothing under the bubbles, so I slipped my hand under my right thigh, moved my swimsuit to the side, and started rubbing. The movement of the water helped me out, and in no time I was orgasming right next to her… And I admit, I was sneaking looks at her boobs. Then her boyfriend got in and gave me a dirty look.

At a Britney Spears concert

This one I’m particularly proud of. Britney was my go-to adolescent masturbating material – and now and then she still pops up in my head. So when I saw her live recently I just couldn’t help but take up the opportunity to do it over her in person. Everyone around me was too preoccupied with what was happening on stage to notice what I was doing… in response to what was happening on stage. As determinedly heterosexual as I am, there’s something about a dirty blonde gyrating to Slave in leather pants that just pushes my buttons. Well, button. You get the idea.

At work

I had a boyfriend at the time, but had started engaging in some sexy emails with a good-looking male colleague, who happened to be married. He kept walking past my desk in between messages, and I started fantasising about what I’d like to do with him. I decided I’d never get any work done feeling like this, so I went to the bathroom, locked myself in the end stall and got to work… Then just as I was close, someone else came in the bathroom and, rather awkwardly, took the stall next to me. Deciding this could actually be quite horny, I quickly finished, and came out of the stall. Washing my hands, the girl next me came out, and we made small talk. It was weird, but I couldn’t help but smile knowingly.

Shop changing room

I was in the changing room of a clothes shop that had a communal changing area as well as curtained-off cubicles. Walking through the communal area, I passed a good-looking girl who was just in a black bra and tight jeans. I started getting changed in the cubicle, but quite unexpectedly started feeling a bit… hot. I thought about the girl, and decided it would be quite fun masturbating just a few feet away from her. There was a gap in the curtain where it didn’t close properly, and I could see people walking past and getting changed. I started touching myself, simply because the idea of being seen really turned me on. And if the hot girl in the black bra saw me… Well, that thought was all I needed. Of course I walked out of there feeling a bit embarrassed, especially when the girl in the bra (now fully clothed) came and stood behind me in the queue for the tills.

On the bus

I was on the way to school one morning when I was about 15. I was sat at the back of the bus, with a man sitting a few seats away from me, and no one in front of me. I’d only recently discovered the art of self-induced pleasure, and decided to see if I could get away with doing it on the bus. I put my bag on my lap, slipped my hand under the waistband of my skirt, slid my fingers into my pants, and started playing. It was brilliant. I came as shudder-less as possible, without making a sound, just holding my breath. The back of the bus was never the same again.

In the ocean

This might sound weird, but I love peeing in the sea. I find it mysteriously euphoric and deliciously naughty. Feeling a bit cheeky last year on holiday in Valencia, I decided to take the naughty meter to another level. I thought it would be fun to get myself off while standing in the sea next to a group of gorgeous Spanish men. The water was up to my chest, so I was pretty sure no one would know. At one point one of them looked at me. I held his gaze, gave him an innocent smile and carried on. If only he’d known what I was doing…

I would like to add as a disclaimer, that I realised while writing these that my fantasies pretty much all involve other women. I’m not that way inclined romantically, but I’m sure most girls will agree they’re more turned on by the thought of women than men. Food for thought, there, boys…

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