In Defence Of Kony Flasher Jason Russell

Sending chills down the spine of every young male, the plight of Jason Russell, co-founder of the plucky Invisible Children organisation, proves once and for all: there is no safe haven for masturbators.
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Sending chills down the spine of every young male, the plight of Jason Russell, co-founder of the plucky Invisible Children organisation, proves once and for all: there is no safe haven for masturbators.

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Here are four reasons that might excuse Russell's “breakdown”:

1. He was celebrating

I mean, come on! If you uploaded a video that reached 110 MILLION views in two weeks, you'd reason that you'd be in line for a bit of “relaxation”, too. I don't know about you, but if I had to pick two ways to unwind, masturbation and criminal damage would be way, WAY up there.

2. He was drunk

We've all been there. Drunk and impressionable, filled with the empty energy that only intense inebriation can bring, we make mistakes. Sure! We get that! One of his activist-bros egged him on, saying that, like, if they can save Africa in its entirety with but one hash-tag, then surely they're owed at least one jay-wank (strolling the streets around masturbating, keep up).

3. He is a production value fetishist

Say what you will about the emotional manipulation, pseudo-cultish rhetoric and misplaced priorities, but that film looked great. I mean, I've seen Oscar winners look shittier than that. If you did a side-by-side comparison of that film and El Secreto de Sus Ojos, Invisible Children's little-world-changing-viral-video-that-could dumps all over it. With that in mind, what I'm saying is that Russell may well have been so turned on by the quality of his own work, he sees that the only fit course of action would be to smash shit and rub one out in the street.

4. He was offering a post-modernist deconstruction of social morality

Much in the same way that “Interior Semiotics” (NSFW, but Google it anyway) dealt with one woman's frustration at gender roles and her Dad paying her way through a useless liberal arts degree, Russell was merely casting a mirror onto society's misplaced morality: “So you're telling me that me jackin' it in the street is super un-chill and warrants lawful intervention within thirty minutes but Joseph Kony killing millions of people takes over two decades for you to step in? Not cool, guys. Not cool.”

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