Internet dating can be soul destroying. I’ve been on many dates where I don’t fancy him or he doesn’t fancy me or neither of us fancies each other. Many times I’ve felt like throwing in the towel. I have loads of friends that have met their soul mates online. So what’s the secret to successful internet dating?
I spent five years internet dating before I went to Egypt, without success. Since my return to the UK I have taken it up again and I am really enjoying the whole experience. I’m unsure if it’s me that’s changed or the men. I suspect it’s the former and the fact that being three years older and wiser has improved my choice of men. I used to have many men asking propositioning me for sex, but then maybe that’s because I used to have a cleavage shot as a profile picture.
Four years on as I view men’s profiles and read their emails, I am shocked and dismayed at some of the school boy errors a lot of men are making and therefore shooting themselves in the foot. I feel compelled to write this article from a women’s point of view to give you chaps some tips.
Keep this positive and upbeat. Use examples, if you say your adventurous back it up with an example. Avoid negativity, bitterness and talking about ex-partners. All these things are a big turn off. I am shocked by the number of guys who put themselves down in their profile. It’s important for you to love yourself before someone else can love you. Some guys angrily rant about bad dating experiences or ex-partners. It’s generally best to avoid talking about exes, even if it’s in a positive way. Talking about an ex in your profile indicates that you still need to get over them.
For example this would be a foolish thing to write,
“I’m now ready to start dating again, despite that fact that my bitch ex-wife shagged my best friend and then fleeced me in the divorce.”
Bad grammar is also a big turn off.
Always put a photo on your profile, even if you believe you are ugly. Someone will find you handsome and will fancy you. I only look at profiles with pictures and most women are the same. A lot of the guys I go for are just average looking but they win me over with interesting profiles.
Stay away from partially nude and topless photos, unless you want to give the impression that you’re a player and only after one thing. These kinds of photos are occasionally acceptable in the right circumstances, for example if you’re on the beach.
George, a skinny, pale guy, had a picture of himself wearing a pair of jeans and without a shirt, with the caption: The Shark. Snake69. Fit as f*ck if you like to no me. Oh, the irony. A classic example of a bad photo and terrible grammar.
Avoid copy and paste. Write about something that you’ve read in the lady’s profile to give the email a personal touch. Again bad grammar is a no no.
Build rapport by mirroring and matching in the email. Look for words that the person uses and use the same words in your mail. You can also match the style and grammar of the other person. This is one occasion when bad grammar would be acceptable.
Women like decisive men. After three of four emails I would recommend asking the woman out for a coffee. A coffee date is an ideal way to meet someone without pressure and see if there’s a spark between you. It’s always better to meet up sooner rather than later.
It’s easy to become disheartened when you have a bad date or you only receive a few replies. Keep in mind the bigger picture and remember that it will be worth it when you begin that special relationship. You feel as though many women are ignoring your emails. Women generally receive a lot more emails than men, as men are still the hunters, even in these modern times. I have received over 1000 emails in the last few months and I am unable to read them all, let alone reply to them.
Always travel to meet the woman in her home town if you can and if she is comfortable with it. If you only have limited knowledge of the area, do some research and find somewhere special to meet your date. As with emailing build rapport by mirroring and matching both words and body language.
Date as many women as you can to give you the best chance of finding the right one. Be completely honest with your dates about this and understand they may want to do the same. As John Gray would say, “Date around, don’t sleep around.”
This article is published courtesy of learning to love myself blog
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