Judith Woods’ bizarre diatribe against Kate Winslet on Thursday was as hideous as it was strange. Has journalistic trolling jumped the shark?
Erm, so, what the fuck is up with Judith Woods? She totally Samantha Bricked it by uniting the entirety of the internet in unbridled hatred against her, and indeed The Torygraph, after they published a frankly really fucking strange attack on Kate Winslet for having kids by multiple fathers – that’s Kate Winslet, literally the most inoffensive actress on the planet. Woods stopped short of saying that vaginas should be sealed off like the site of a natural disaster after divorce papers are signed, but, well, I’d say it was heavily implied.
The content of the article was hideous, a really backward, conservative (not that those two words go hand in hand, but, well...if the shoe fits) view of what a family should be, full of shitty suggestions like Winslet’s kids won’t grow up right because she’s shagging around and saying that her family is dysfunctional. Moreover, the tone of the article was...well, for want of a better word, really bitchy. Like, she calls her “honey” at one point, as if she’s just seen her chowing down on a burger at Spoons and is suggesting she take a look at the calorie content of said burger, before considering whether she’d prefer to order the low-fat chilli noodles instead (nobody eats the low-fat chilli noodles at Wetherspoons Judith Woods you fucking TWAT).
Not content to lambast Winslet for no fucking reason whatsoever, Woods also takes time to have a go at the father to her bastard child, Ned Rocknroll, thankfully pointing out that it isn’t actually his real name (I know, who knew right?), going on to say that the fact he changed his name to Ned Rocknroll “probably says all we need to know about him” – don’t get Judith Woods started on Slash, Sting or Prince, she’d be apoplectic.
You wonder how Judith Woods lives her daily life if something as innocuous and everyday as someone getting remarried and having another child makes her fly off the handle so irrationally? I can’t imagine she enjoyed the “guess the father” plotline of Mamma Mia very much, no, in fact, I’d wager she thought Meryl Streep a cheap floozy who wasn’t fit to raise dough, let alone a daughter. I’m also very sure that when Judith Woods watched Kate Winslet in Revolutionary Road, she cheered with delight when (SPOILER ALERT, THIS ISN’T THE FUCKING METRO, WE DO SHIT RIGHT AT SABOTAGE TIMES) Winslet decided to do the whole DIY abortion at the end. Maybe she thought the whole story a cautionary tale about what could happen if Kate Winslet has kids, rather than a bleak look at masculinity and the false ideal of the American dream in post-war America.
Hey! Here’s an idea: Why can’t people mind their own goddamn business? Every bloody day I see the hashtag #equalmarriage trending on Twitter as our elected leaders, in the 21st century, sit in a room and argue whether two people of the same sex should marry. I despair! This isn’t a debate! It’s not even an issue! Imagine how embarrassed we, as a society, will be in 20 years time when we have to explain to our kids that some of our generation didn’t want people to be together because they were worried how it might impact the next generation? Woods’ article is singing from the same hymn-sheet, except she’s not singing, she’s warbling like an old pissed-up Hen party wanker on a Carling soaked stage at 2am, and when someone is that incoherent, they shouldn’t be given the microphone to begin with, they should be firmly told to leave the premises and never return. Come on Judith, let’s get you a taxi, you’ve had enough.