Daily life isn't exactly action-packed with fist pump moments. Yes there's friday afternoons, paydays, bank-holidays and Susannah Reid but generally not loads to high-five Brian in IT support about.
Luckily though, we have the internet and a pyramid of social media, to provide that morsel of gratification.
It's totally artificial and temporarily satisfying (like a five-a-side goal or masturbation) but darn if it ain't one of modern life's pleasures.
8. Instagram likes
The picture of that graffitti'd wall In Berlin you took has reached three figures in likes. Woah…. woah. You might move to Berlin and open a gallery. You could set up Insta-graff, an off-shoot of instagram. You're a genius. You take a picture of your coffee in a thimble to celebrate.
7. Whatsapp group messages
You’ve been at the gym, you check your phone and see that little green circle with a nice juicy number on it. Higher the better obviously, but 37 messages from the same convo, isn't half as good as 37 divided over 6 convo’s! Corr now we’re talking! Well we’re not, but lets not get into that now.
6. Facebook poke
I know it’s not 2006 but before its overused joke status this was a decent way of getting chatting to that hot friend from college. The poke would lead to nothing and they'd go on to marry your nemisis and move to Fulham. But you didn’t know that then.
At 7 it's the large number beaming with un-viewed pictures (potentially partially-naked ones. REE-ZULT!) The un-viewed snapchat is the adult equivalent of finding you've forgotten to open your advent calendar for a few days.
4. Tinder Match
Controversial as Tinder isn’t strictly social media, but matching with a ten and finding your awful brand of chat is actually working already has you planning your tinder exit strategy.
3. Facebook friend request
An oldie but a goodie. Sadly these days that little +1 is usually your friend's mum who hasn’t even bothered with a profile picture. But a few years ago it was that backpacker you met in Cambodia who’s announced she’s on her way home to Lincoln. You scour the internet for relatives in Lincoln.
Hard to divide the last two. Your remark about why Lynx Africa smells of b.o has been retweeted by Ralf Little. Holy Shit. How did that happen? Add to that a sprinkling of favourites by some nameless eggs and you're made up 'til lunchtime.
1. Twitter follower
Like gems in Crash Bandicoot (bloody rare) that little alarm bell notification with a +1, is for a lowly twitter user like myself, a sweet sweet moment. Those stars in the millions won't notice single figure gains but for the rest of us that little bump from 212 to 216 in 3 months is an achievement up there with passing your driving test. You vow to tweet more funny road-signs. But you don't. Back to 212 I go.