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Liquid Gold: The Sabotage Times Cider World Cup

by Dave Lee
15 September 2012 13 Comments

One sunny afternoon the finest ciders in the world came together to compete for the title of Best Cider On Earth. Here’s how they faired...


Cider is undoubtedly one of the most misunderstood, under-appreciated, tastiest drinks you can find. It’s easy to make, refreshing, emblematic of Great Britain and it gets you lovely and drunk.

Here’s the thing, though – 99.9% of the cider you drink in the pub isn’t cider, it’s fizzy piss. Magners, Bulmers, Kopparberg, Reckorderlig and their ubiquitous kin are more like alcopops, made from carbonated water and apple pulp and carefully marketed to appeal to people bored of lager but too unimaginative to drink real ale.

Yet there are many hundreds of proper ciders out there. Hundreds of short-run, artisan ciders that are made the traditional way and only available in decent pubs, off licenses, delis or online. All of them are individual to the place they are made and as delicious and complex as any other type of booze. Honestly.

Proper cider is almost always made by a handful of people growing apples in their own orchard, pressing on their own press and selling to savvy aficionados. Unlike ales, which rely on ingredients coming from all over the country (or even the world), cider is made from one ingredient grown within yards of the keg in which it is fermented.

I love the stuff, and so I decided to try and find out which is the best UK cider available.  One sunny day in August I invited 3 other pissheads to CAMRA Cider Pub of the Year, the Hop & Vine in Hull, to sample 24 of the best ciders I could find and help me come up with a world-beater.

The judges were:

Dave Lee – Writer/ Filmmaker and restaurant and pub critic for the Yorkshire Post.
Russ Litten – Novelist and cider lover.
Mags – Bradford’s leading beer, racehorse and pie expert.
Keith Wildman – Writer and real ale-loving cider-sceptic.
The rules:

We drew each of the 24 ciders against another, tasted both and then picked a winner to go through to the next round. The pairings were completely random and the ciders were served as suggested on the bottle, i.e. chilled, over ice etc.

Round 1

Match 1:

Sandford Orchards Devon Scrumpy (6% ABV)
V
Ross-On-Wye
Sparkling Cider (5.5% ABV)

 

Sandford Orchards

KW: Bit watery.
RL: Very quaffable, though.
M: I’d buy that. Nice that.

Checking the ABV, KW launches into a ridiculously long and utterly unfathomable scientific monologue about varying drink strengths.

DL: How many you had?
RL: Sandford Cider – turns you into Brian Cox.
M: This one’s my favourite so far.
KW: It’s not as nice as beer.

Ross-On-Wye

DL: I don’t normally like fizzy cider but this one’s pretty good.
RL: There’s a hint of Elderflower.
M (reading label): ‘Once opened consume within 3 days’. What knobhead leaves open cider in the fridge for 3 days? You’d just neck it.
KW: I don’t like it.


Winner – Sandford Orchards

Match 2:

Orchards of Husthwaite Galtres Ruby  (7% ABV)
V
Gwynt Y Ddraig
Dabinett (6% ABV)

 

Orchards of Husthwaite

DL: I have to abstain here. I’ve been to Husthwaite and pressed this cider. It was for an article I was doing about their orchards project. I’m declaring an interest.
RL: Very honourable. I notice you’re still drinking it, though.
DL: Damn straight.
M: Tastes a bit like rose wine.
RL: I think I’d like this more if I was sat outside.
KW: It tastes like being in someone’s house that’s just had a baby or a café in a garden centre. My favourite so far.

Gwynt Y Ddraig

M: Tastes a bit medicinal.
DL: Bit bland.
RL: Lack of character.
KW: I like it. Very apple-y.


Winner – Orchards of Husthwaite

Match 3:

Gwatkin Kingston Black (7% ABV)
V
The Orchard Pig
Medium Sparkling (6.5% ABV)

 Gwatkin

KW: Smells like draft cider but tastes a bit wishy-washy. Be good for cooking with.
M: Bit of a back-handed compliment, that.
KW: Wasn’t meant to be, cider goes great with pork. OK. You could happily drink it till you shit yourself and fall over. Better?
M: That’s more like it.

The Orchard Pig

DL: There’s a vague taste of Brandy.
KW: Notes of toffee.
DL: Bit of tobacco.
RL: Too complex for me. I don’t like having to work it out.
M: I’m bamboozled. Very nice, though.

Winner: The Orchard Pig

Match 4:

Tutt’s Clump Royal Berkshire (7% ABV)
V
Waulkmill Cider
Muckle Toon Rosie (5% ABV)

 Tutt’s Clump

KW: Zesty.
RL: Like lemon zest.
M: You’d never guess it was 7%.
RL: A breakfast cider.
KW: The ideal breakfast cider.
M: I’m getting hungry now.

Waulkmill Cider

RL: Not keen.
M: It tastes like that hooch, that alcopop lemonade.
KW: Be popular in a chain pub.

Winner: Tutt’s Clump

 

Pie break:

Even at this early stage it became essential to soak up the intake of booze with meat and pastry-based sustenance. Fortunately Mags had brought a few pork pies with him from his local butcher in Bradford and superb pie-mongers Hull Pie had donated samples of their quite magnificent wares.

KW: What is there?
DL: Beef, chicken or butternut squash.
KW: Butternut squash? In a pie? We’re not in Hebden Bridge.

Pied-up, we moved on.
Match 5:


Dunkerton’s Black Fox (7% ABV)
V
Moorland Farm Medium Dry (6.2% ABV)

 

Dunkerton’s

RL: Nice.
DL: But no aftertaste.
KW: Tastes like the smell you get when you open a dishwasher tablet.
DL: And is that a good thing?
KW: I’m not making a value judgement.
DL: I’m already struggling to read my handwriting.
KW: It’s a bit middle of the road. Like Spurs

Moorland Farm

DL: I really want to like this one, it’s made about 6 miles from my house but I find it a bit too dry.
KW: It tastes like a difficult jazz album.
RL: Like the John Coltrane of cider.
KW: it smells a bit plastic-y, like fruit salad sweets. My favourite so far.

Winner: Dunkerton’s


Match 6:

 

Burrow Hill Cider Bus (5.5% ABV)
V
Lulworth Skipper
Dorset Cider (6.5% ABV)

 Cider Bus

KW: I’m not having it with ice.
DL: You have to. It says ‘serve over ice’, it’s the law.
KW: If it said ‘jump off a cliff while drinking’? It’s a communist cider.
M: I don’t think it’s very distinctive.
KW: It’s a girl’s drink.
DL: And a pint of Burrow Hill once stained my favourite t-shirt at Glastonbury.
RL: Next!

Lulworth Skipper

DL: Ooooh, its got a cork.
KW: This looks promising.
M: It looks pretentious.
RL: Kidder out of One Summer would drink this.
KW: Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall would love this.
DL: He probably does, he lives in Dorset.
KW: I knew it.

Winner: Lulworth Skipper


Match 7:

Hunts Cider Medium (6% ABV)
V
Bottle Kicking Cider
Scrambler (6.5% ABV)

 
Hunts

DL: I’ve had this on draught. They sell it in the Crown and Anchor in Brixham.
M: Good, but nothing special.
DL: I like it. It’s clean and unpretentious.
RL: I’m struggling to know what’s happening anymore.
[Russ asks for another pie]

Bottle Kicking

M: Sweet taste but a reet dry feel.
KW: What’s this one? It smells of pubs.
M: And Wormwood Scrubs.
RL: It doesn’t quite live up to its billing.
DL: Perfectly serviceable, I reckon.

Winner: Hunts

 

 Match 8:

 

Ciderniks Dab Hand (6.5% ABV)
V
Ampleforth Abbey
(8.3% ABV)

 
Ciderniks

DL: Unpretentious.
M: Rustic, sharp.
KW: It smells of pantries. I am transported to a strange pantry as a child.
RL: There is a washiness to it in the aftertaste. Good otherwise.

Ampleforth

DL: I have to abstain again. I’ve written about this cider as well and I’m on record saying how much I like it. Made by real monks in a real abbey. Well, in their cider mill.
M: My god, that’s good.
RL: There’s no denying that tastes amazing. 8.3% as well? Jesus.
DL: Can we all stop blaspheming please when drinking this one?
KW: I don’t like it.
DL: I’m not voting on this one but I have to say it’s an incredible cider.

Winner: Ampleforth

 

Match 9:

 Yarde Vintage Cider (5% ABV)
V
Scropton Cider Doris Stokes Medium (5% ABV)

 Yarde

[Opens like champagne]

All: Oooooooooo!
RL: A party cider.
KW: Looks like it’s from M&S. It’s got a musty smell.
M: Bit like Bisodol.
RL: You’d find it at a cricket match. In the corporate tent.
KW: A hamper cider.

Scropton

DL: I really want to like it. I like the homespun label and the name’s great – Doris Stokes Medium. Nice reference.
KW: Smells of bourbon creams. Smells of coffee mornings.
RL: Bit sharp for me.
KW: Vinegar-y.
DL: That’s a bit harsh. It’s just a bit dry for a medium.

Winner: Yarde

 

Match 10:

 

Stonewell Irish Craft Cider  (5.5% ABV)
V
Polgoon Cider (5% ABV)

 

Stonewell

DL: Our only Irish cider.
KW: Not good.
M: Melons, man.
DL: Too light, no body.
RL: Still better than Magners, like.

Polgoon

KW: I can tell by looking at it I won’t like it.
M: Mango-y.
KW: Smells like Lilt.
DL: Cornish. You could see it working with the surfer crowd.
KW: Fruity fizz.
DL: Hard to choose a winner. We don’t really like either.

Winner: Stonewell

 

Match 11:

Ashridge Organic Cider  (7.5% ABV)
V
Henry Weston
2011 Vintage (8.2% ABV)

 
Ashridge

DL: I like it. On the dry side but tasty.
KW: Pleasant, inoffensive.
M: Not as nice as it likes to think it is.
RL: I fancy a pie.

Westons

DL: One of the few in the competition that you can get in supermarkets.
RL: Little bit too fizzy, but heady.
M: Goes to show that there are a lot of far better ciders out there that never make it into the supermarket. We’ve had far better than this.


Winner: Ashridge

 

Match 12:


Henney’s Vintage  (6.5% ABV)
V
Charnwood Cider  Appley’av Another (5.7% ABV)

 Henneys

DL: A relatively popular cider. I reckon it’s about the best you can buy in supermarkets.
RL: Again, it shows that there are a lot of far better ciders but you have to hunt them out.

Charnwood

DL: This is ace.
KW: Much better than the other one.
M: One of the best ones we’ve had.
DL: Goes to show. Something made by some bloke who, by the look of it, prints the labels with his PC is better than the best cider you can get in supermarkets.
RL: Proper giant killer.
KW: The Yeovil Town of ciders.
M: Shite pun for a name, though.

Winner: Charnwood


The Quarter Final

We now paired off all the round 1 winners and set about tasting them all again. I would normally add a few comments to clarify the following decisions but by this stage my notes were becoming, quite frankly, illegible. See?


 

We took another pie break and then made the following difficult decisions:

QF1

Sandford Orchards Devon Scrumpy (6% ABV)
V
Orchards of Husthwaite Galtres Ruby  (7% ABV)

Winner: Sandford
QF 2:

 The Orchard Pig Medium Sparkling (6.5% ABV)
V
Tutt’s Clump Royal Berkshire (7% ABV)

 
Winner: Orchard Pig

 

QF 3:

 Dunkerton’s Black Fox (7% ABV)
V
Lulworth Skipper Dorset Cider (6.5% ABV)

 Winner: Dunkerton’s
QF 4:

 Hunts Cider Medium (6% ABV)
V
Ampleforth Abbey (8.3% ABV)

 Winner: Ampleforth
QF 5:

 Yarde Vintage Cider (5% ABV)
V
Stonewell Irish Craft Cider  (5.5% ABV)

 Winner: Yarde
QF 6:

 Ashridge Organic Cider  (7.5% ABV)
V
Charnwood Cider  Appley’av Another (5.7% ABV)

 Winner: Charnwood

                                                                                                                            Semi Finals

As we got down to the final 6 ciders one thing became very apparent; we had a rough split of ciders that can be found in selected small supermarkets and limited availability artisan ciders. None of the brands available in the big supermarkets had survived. Surely a sign that ciders are at their best when they are not subject to the uniformity demanded by Asda and the like?

Sadly, my notes on the semi-final amount to little more than single, barely-decipherable lines. Like the marks made by a cat with inky claws on a moleskin scratching post. What I can gather is that:

Orchard Pig beat Sandford, Ampleforth beat Dunkerton’s and Yarde beat Charnwood (this was a very close run thing – honourable mention for Charnwood)

Final

In true Olympic fashion we now had to choose a top 3 from the remaining ciders. Each had their own distinct charm and each had now beaten three other ciders to reach this stage. A tough choice but in the end we went for:

3. Yarde Vintage Cider (5% ABV)
2. The Orchard Pig Medium Sparkling (6.5% ABV)

And the winner by universal agreement was,

1. Ampleforth Abbey (8.3% ABV)

We all agreed that Ampleforth is sweet without being sickly, tastes extraordinary (almost like a dessert wine) and, at 8.3%, leaves you in no doubt that you’re having a good time drinking it.

We then took our leave of the Hop & Vine and headed out into the streets of Hull in search of further Bacchanalian delights. Or, in Keith’s case, real ale.

Big thanks to the Real Cider Company for supplying many of the ciders, to Holiday Inn Express Hull for putting up Mags and Keith, to Hull Pie for the pies and to the Hop & Vine for letting us sit there drinking our own cider.
If you liked this, check these out

CAMRA, Brewdog And The Craft Beer Conspiracy

Manchester’s 5 Best Pubs

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

myleftboot 8:39 am, 15-Sep-2012

Now that's a subsidised Piss up... And a proper beer festival style note taking, but with 20% of your possible mark removed for the Ponce who claimed a hint of tobacco

Keith Wildman 8:42 am, 15-Sep-2012

Ah! So that's what happened!

Neil 8:57 am, 15-Sep-2012

Brilliant. Cracking stuff Dave, proper thirsty now and it's only 8.57am. Luckily, I'm in Bristol...

drury 10:08 pm, 15-Sep-2012

Nice work.

Paul Chant 5:38 pm, 16-Sep-2012

How can you call this cider? its been filtered and most of it has been made from concentrate? This is definitely not artisan I'm afraid, you should come down to Somerset and I will show you the real places to visit, not for the faint hearted and they will all definitely not be in a tarted up bottle! Was nice reading though ... thank you (=*_^=)

Keith Wildman 12:54 am, 17-Sep-2012

Oh. Orchard Pig should have won. I Rememeber now!

cliff vicious 4:19 am, 17-Sep-2012

Get on the Black Rat

Dave lee 9:48 am, 17-Sep-2012

Paul Chant, I do appreciate that many of the ciders we tasted weren't proper PROPER cider but we could only include those which could be posted, otherwise we'd have had to drive round the country visiting cider mills and farms. That would have been ace, obviously, but there would have been endless rows about who was designated driver. The idea with this event was to highlight that there are available many better ciders than shite like Magners, something I think we did admirably.

Jimmy C 8:21 am, 24-Sep-2012

Great piece, loved it, and the concept. Ever tried Asturian cider, Dave, from the north of Spain? Bit of a religion there. They pour the cider by holding the bottle up in the air with one hand and the glass down below with the other, to give it a bit of air and fizz. The best waiters/servers do it without even looking.

Gareth 10:31 am, 4-Oct-2012

This was great, and a bit like reading a special edition of Drunken Bakers from Viz.

Mr Taxi Man 2:20 pm, 4-Oct-2012

Can I buy the DVD? Just thrown my bottle of magners i had in the fridge into the bin, i even told it to fuck off. i feel so inadequate now. great read/lesson Dave.

UnitedStatesofCider 9:29 am, 23-Jan-2013

Genius idea. Very informative & highly quotable.

Jason Cadogan 7:48 pm, 10-May-2013

I would liked to have seen the very exclusive cider produced by the Carthusian monks of Parkminster included in this 'World Cup', especially since a 'Benedictine' cider won! The Carthusian Order, more famous for their 'Chartreuse' liqueur produce a cider at Parkminster so exclusive that it can only be bought at the Union Jack Farm Shop in Cowfold, Horsham, West Sussex (www.unionjackfarmshop.co.uk). Hope to see it included in the next cider world cup!!

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