Pippa Middleton's Arse: The Porno

Just when we though we were out, Pippa Middleton has dragged us back in by being offered £3 million to star in an adult movie...
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
9
Just when we though we were out, Pippa Middleton has dragged us back in by being offered £3 million to star in an adult movie...

Honestly, truthfully, cross our hearts and hope to die, we were going to leave Pippa's arse behind. Then we found out that she had been offered £3 million to star in one adult scene. Yes, that's correct, £3 million quid to star in one explicit scene. What's more, her brother James has been offered £600,000 to star in a separate scene. We're surprised they didn't ask Uncle 'La Maison de Bang Bang' Gary, who'd surely have done it for 20 Benson and a packet of Fisherman's Friend.

The offer was made by Vivid Entertainment boss Steve Hirsch, who, in an open letter, said… "As I watched a broadcast of the event I couldn't help but think that with your beauty and attitude, you could be an enormously successful adult star."

Which, when you think about it, is just a long-winded way of saying he wants to spend £3 million on a very posh wank.

Being nearly royal, Pippa will probably have had plenty of experience in chasing homeless, naked, teenagers around country estates wearing a strap-on, waving a shotgun and shouting ‘let them eat cock’, but we doubt she knows much about Mr Hirsch’s company and what she would be letting herself in for should she take the money. So, because we’re really nice*, we had a look at the Vivid Entertainment website and it seems that Mr Hirsch and his army of sex goblins have recently started to branch out into the highly lucrative ‘porn-parody’ market.

At present, only American films have been parodied, and we’re sure he’s after Pippa to for a skin-flick remake of a great British film.

Here’s a few suggestions.

On leaving the room, each soldier, naked and tumescent save for his hat, says to the next one. “Vent ze arse vell?”

Brides (Maids) Arse Revisited.

One summer, a common boy is whisked off to the country by his eccentric to friend to stay at a huge country house. Searching the house one-day, he finds a chinless girl locked in a wine cellar and wearing a white gown with the arse cut out. He re-visits it, again and again and again to the strains of Vaughan Williams.

Went the Arse Well?

It’s the Second World War and an English Village is taken over by German Paratroopers. When a flighty public-school prefect tries to escape, they lock her in a room at a village hall as a sex slave. Unsurprisingly, she mutates from demure and scared to a rampant nympho on the sight of a tunic unbuttoning. On leaving the room, each soldier, naked and tumescent save for his hat, says to the next one. “Vent ze arse vell?”

Nil By Arse

A posh girl wearing a purple bra is made to wait on her brutish husband and his horny-handed friends at a five-day poker marathon. Desperate for some tradesman’s action - revealed in several ‘dream’ sequences - she is starved until the final, climatic scene when the chips and cash are thrown aside and an orgy commences.

* Dear Mr Hirsch, we are happy to offer creative guidance for a huge fee should this offer turn into something more concrete...

Click here for more People stories

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook