The Alternative List Of People You Need To Follow On Twitter

Does your Twitter timeline need a little spicing up? We asked our writers for their must-follows and they sent us this lot...
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Does your Twitter timeline need a little spicing up? We asked our writers for their must-follows and they sent us this lot...

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@MY_MUMS_COLA

In the olden days, to get our regional caricatures we had to watch stuff like the Fast Show or read Viz Magazine. These days though, twitter is the place to be. There are a few worthy of note but the best by a mile is My Mums Cola. Seemingly based on a middle aged Liverpudlian man who hangs around in pubs and eats Frey Bentos pies for his tea, his writes in CAPITALS and uses words like WOOL AND BOSS. And lots of other Scouseisms I don't understand but find funny as fuck. He has a healthy obsession with Beyonce Knowles who he recently tweeted, saying "AYE AYE @beyonce GIRL FANCY DOIN A DUVET?"

Followers: 2948

Typical tweet: JUST SAW SOME FELLA IN THE OFFY BUYIN FIZZY WATER THE POSH TWAT I BET HE LIVES IN WEST DERBY

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@TheBig_Sam

Parody account for the loveable walrus of football, Sam Allardyce. Easily the funniest person on Twitter and, due to the lingual dexterity and humour, I'm convinced you wouldn't even need to like or know of football to piss yourself at it. If you like to suspend your sense of reality for a moment you can imagine Karren Brady as a sexual predator and Mikel Arteta as 'half Colombian drug lord, half vampire.' Wonderful stuff, Brian.

Followers: 86,895

Typical tweet: Having a cracking time with the 'Goals On Sunday' lads, but if the missus forgets to tape me 'Smokey & The Bandit', I'll rip her tits off.

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@sixthformpoet

Witty, clever and truly humbling in his brilliant turns of phrasology and pun. A Spike Milligan for the new digital age and better still, i have no idea who he is or what he does.

Followers: 8,680

Typical tweet: I Am The Resurrection is almost the perfect song. All it needs is a decent singer, a lyricist, an editor and the smallest hint of humility.

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@FUERTESKNIGHT

Her tweets are like drive-by shootings. Love her.

Followers: 3,014

Typical tweet: I know I'm bad at gauging social situations, but is it really that rude to watch porn bloopers on your phone at full volume on the bus?

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@brainpicker

Consistently interesting links to fascinating graphics and films and books

Followers: 103,365

Typical tweet: Scary infographic of natural disasters in the U.S. 1980-2011http://j.mp/psptzc One has to wonder what we're doing to this planet…

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@lettersofnote

Regular peeks into the correspondence of entertainment legends, authors and historical political figures

Followers: 31,558

Typical tweet: In 1985, a Dutch library banned one of Charles Bukowski's books. He responded with this brilliant letter: http://bit.ly/nndzzz

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@Fuckingledge

I have no idea who this guy is, but for a Gonzo-style lad take he's great. Perfect Twitter un-PC but spot on material.

Followers: 2,902

Typical tweet: Can someone get me a cherry yoghurt on the way into the office. There's a very, very dubious stain on my suit pants I need an alibi for.

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@simonday24

Comedian most famously from The Fast Show - played Detective MonkFish and Compatative Dad amongst others. New to Twitter and just naturally funny observations.

Followers: 10,538

Typical tweet: my daughters third birthday party today , i tried to get people to pin envelopes of money on her , but it was not to be.

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@meetmyboyfriend

A woman going out with a man fascinated with his own knob cheese and bowel movements. Recent tweets include "I wish my sphincter was triangular in shape. So i could do Toblerone shaped shits out of it" #toblerone and "My balls stink. I can smell them standing up" #balls

Followers: 327

Typical tweet: "Sometimes between the top of my thighs and the bottom of my buttocks there is a tide line"

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@WarMachine170

MMA fighter and former porn actor Jon Koppenhaver legally changed his name to War Machine to reflect his ongoing battle with society in general. Followers had a year of silence as War served a year in the joint- but the man is out and back online. War Machine likes watching the killer whales at Sea World and hates pizza places that screw with his order. If you are a fan of feuds, legal troubles resulting from cartoonish violence and philosophical musings that end with 'what the fuck?', @warmachine170 is an essential follow.

Followers: 9097

Typical tweet: fuck california! A year in jail for a barfight! In the UK Id have been fine! America is soft!

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@irkafirka

Run by @chrisbell and @pockless, this cracking account picks one 'vivid tweet' a day and illustrates it. BRILLIANTLY.

Followers: 3,570

Typical tweet:

@daniel_mayhew

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@jacques_aih

Jacques Hattie's one liners come thick and fast. Unlike a lot of the other comedy twitterers, he doesn't retweet them every other day. All new, fresh and often very clever.

Followers: 5,406

Typical tweet: Death Star Commander: "I don't own that George Michael record". Darth Vader: "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

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@iainmacintosh

There's a lot of football journos on Twitter who are perhaps better known but none are as forthright and at times hilarious than @iainmacintosh. Unlike many recognises that Twitter is a two-way communication tool and is always happy to engage with his followers.

Followers: 15,249

Typical tweet: Or, for that matter, his sinister glare at Andy Carroll. Gunnersauraus doesn't forget. Gunnersauraus gets even.

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@robdelaney

He's a stand up comedian whose tweets are always hilarious. He has a dark past involving booze and drugs, and a spell in prison in a wheelchair after a bad smash-up in LA. He fights a daily battle against suicidal drug and booze addiction but is clean and sober.

Followers: 224,542

Typical tweet: Just found out "eugenics" isn't the study of guys named Eugene. I totally support it now.

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@twoptwips

Viz top tips but on twitter, provided by you and me, Joe Public. A RT from them was my proudest twitter moment.

Followers: 95,709

Typical tweet: CONVINCE people that you are Peter Jones by keeping your life savings on your coffee table, and being rude to visitors

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@thekeithchegwin

Keith has spent the last twenty years either drunk (he has battled booze addiction successfully) or with "Little Keith" dangling in plain sight (whatever you think of Channel 5's "The Naked Jungle", there's no arguing that it smashed televisual boundaries). Plus, you'd be hard pushed to argue that Extras would be the same without him. These days he spends his days tweeting second-hand Dad-gags like this one: "I got beaten up by Doris, Robin and Darren... I didn't know what Day it was." Which, in fairness, is pretty OK, if you like laughing.

Followers: 71,096

Typical tweet: Was out in the woods. Guy said 'I'm gonna kill ya with me bear hands' I said, Sod Off Yogi

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@Twinny_Jugs87

The porcine jugs is officially fucking mental. If she's not threatening to rape Gary Neville, she's telling anyone who will listen that she'll smother them in her rolls of flab. Spends most of her life winding up Liverpool supporters, by mainly, most nights, saying what's the time? 19.18, in reference to the number of league titles the clubs have. Often pissed.

Followers: 1,487

Typical tweet: "OMG G Nev looks so fit on Sky. I'd actually rape him."

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@God_Damn_Batman

The Dark Knight reflects irreverently on life with Alfred and Robin at Wayne Manor, as well as his nocturnal activities beating criminals to a pulp. Prone to acerbic outbursts: 'Hey Gordon, I don’t come to your office and tell you how to do YOUR job... Actually, I just do your job for you don’t I?'

Followers: 251,315

Typical tweet: More changes to Star Wars on Blu-ray? Nice try George, but some a-hole already ruined my childhood.

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@betfairpoker

No, really. A few months ago the betting giant's official Twitter account appeared to be taken over by an escapee from a mental asylum whose streams of surreal consciousness were completely at odds with the corporate source. We expected the individual responsible to get sacked within days for going off brand - instead it only grows odder...

Followers: 13,007

Typical tweet: Of course no one enjoys the sight of elderly rock royalty being chased through park bushes by men with tranquilliser guns.

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