Sabotage Times asked me to write something on GIFs. I obliged. Easy, I thought. Source a few images, lash them together with some sardonic words and I'm done. Half-hour job, tops. Over two hours after sitting down to begin this piece, these are the first words I've managed to get down.
I've wasted over 120 non-stop minutes gawping at stuttering images of cats in mittens and dreaming dogs and humans falling over and off stuff and into stuff and people dancing badly and pulling mad faces and 80s sitcoms and kids doing stupid things and Family Guy and the Simpsons and women with inexplicably big arses and Brian Blessed … GIF websites are like black holes. You can even GIF yourself on sites like Gifyo.com.
Here's my findings: the internet's 10 best GIFs...
Like the image at the top of this article, this picture is, I suppose, a high-brow GIF. They're called cinemagraphs. "We wanted to tell more of a story than a single still frame photograph but didn’t want the high maintenance aspect of a video," say the creators, photographer Jamie Beck and motion graphics artist Kevin Burg.
This next GIF, from Fromme-toyou.tumblr.com, is in a similar vein – the seamless movement of the subway train works particularly well.
This cinemagraph comes from Alex Martinez and Lacey Micallef, who create these kind of fancy GIFs over at Stopinternetromance.com.
Now we get down to business. This is probably my favourite ever GIF and needs no explanation. (Unless you don't watch the Simpsons, then it probably needs some explanation. So click here).
The shouty, sweary words that go with this ace GIF include a story about Osama Bin Laden's son, “Dave”, and tales of Blessed “goosing” members of the National Theatre. Watch here.
Dancing GIFs – the most popular genre of GIF, I found – don't get much better than the Dude throwing shapes.
Cosby does face. Face funny. Funny face made into GIF. GIF good.
Julia Roberts: too much teeth and the ability to scare dogs shitless from the pages of a magazine.
These next couple of GIFs come from the hugely addictive Animalsbeingdicks.com. This one's entitled “Barkour” – “Reggie never met a wall he couldn’t beat.”
You can stick your “cinemagraphs” – there's a certain elegy to this GIF and its subject's ultimately flaccid tail that outstrips them all. You've made a prize tit of yourself, son. In more ways than one.
Click here for more stories about Life
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter
Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook