Charlie Brooker said it best, “Anyone who runs two words together is a funt.” Here’s our list on the shittest mash up words (or portmanteau words for the sticklers) that when heard have us flip our desks like Alan Rickman up there.
The metrosexuals have a lot to answer for. Manscaping? Guybrows? Oh just come out of the closet already.
ST writer Daisy Buchanan said it best, you’re not metrosexual, you’re just a knob.
Banter as a word in itself is terrible. “It’s only a bit of banter” is an excuse given by berks when someone takes offence at their unfunny hateful comments. Shanter however is even worse – shit banter. How about you shit off?
“Having a crank” apparently is the act of crying over a former lover while masturbating. If you’re ever using that term outside insulting your most hated enemy then you need help. Heck, if you use the term whatsoever, you need help.
Crymaxing’s origins come from an episode of Scrubs where J.D. tells Turk there’s no shame in crying after orgasm. If you’re shedding tears after the horizontal tango, we got bad news for you son….
Fellow Sabotuer Rachael Krishina suggested this one “Unless you're the size of a tent you're not addicted”. Fair point
There is nothing more infuriating that being told to chillax. You want me to chill and relax simultaneously? That sort of multitasking is only going to bring about disaster!
Thanks to Isobel Finbow @IzzyFinbow for this suggestion. Eating aldesko apparently what office bores call eating lunch at their desks "Mike, wanna go to Pret for lunch?" "Nah mate, having my sarny aldesko." Hand me my shotgun….
No one does arts and crafts enough to get away with using “Crafternoon” to describe a productive days work. Not Piacasso, not Blue Peter presenters. No one.
There is nothing amazing about balls. They’re saggy and look like that bit of skin scrawl you have on your elbow. Anything described as amazeballs just makes us feel like someone’s just ben done teabagging it before we get a turn.
January is a shit month. You’re poor after Christmas and New Year's roughly took your wallet from behind (fun fact, that little gap at the bottom of your wallet when you open it is its arsehole), your smoking mates are trying their best to quit and now your drinking buddies have not only decided to be teetotal, but they called themselves dryathletes to do it. There’s nothing athletic about not drinking. Darts players are athletes and look at them.
Look, we get it, the recession hit you hard. You’ve had to swap your deathly dull holiday to Malta for a weekend in Cornwall. There’s nothing wrong with that. Stop trying to pretend your wet weekend watching repeats of Top Gear in a caravan is any better because you’ve got a bit of Cath Kidson flowery tat packed and you’re cooking Iceland lobster on a £3 temporary barbeque.
Just annoying. It doesn't even scan right.
Guess how many fingers I’m holding up after I hear you use this word.
Frape (also see: Twape/Spotirape)
One of your mates used your Facebook account to say you have a thing for donkey porn. Nowhere near as traumatising as being raped. Get some perspective. And log out of your bloody account.