Thoughts For The Day: 'Til Death Do Us Part

He's buried several family members but never a girlfriend, and knows that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything other than their orgasms at the burial.
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He's buried several family members but never a girlfriend, and knows that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything other than their orgasms at the burial.

I’ve buried quite a few loved ones. But one thing I haven’t done is bury a former girlfriend. That would be weird. And it would make me suddenly feel very old. Standing over their grave with a bunch of flowers, remembering the things you used to get up to with them in the bedroom, would not be an easy moment.

You’d obviously have that awkward moment with her most recent lover or husband who’d be saddled with the funeral costs. And you’d be troubled if you saw their kids because they could’ve easily been the kids you’d had together.

Chances are the newly widowed husband would be seething that you probably got there first when she was healthier and in her sexual pomp.

And the husband would be looking at you guessing you were one of her past lovers, and you’d be wondering whether you introduce yourself, and perhaps make a point of lying and stressing that you only dated briefly. Chances are the newly widowed husband would be seething that you probably got there first when she was healthier and in her sexual pomp. He’s now saddled with a couple of motherless children and knows deep down that he didn’t get the same mileage out of your ex that you did.

I think I’d be very sad to lose a former girlfriend, but I also suspect the sadness would be undermined by my immature and inappropriate recollections of how loud their orgasms were. Or how they dealt with my frequent stress affected performances. To see that coffin being lowered into the ground, knowing you made the beast with two backs with whatever’s in there now, with the fast growing hair and finger nails of the dead, I can’t get my head round that.

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