STUDENTS THREATEN TO RE-ANIMATE THE LEVELLERS
I've just eaten a sandwich bigger than Sophie Ellis Bextor's face.
David Cameron is a cock-juggling thundercunt.
I've started saying "You go girl!" to my boss. You should see the look on his face. He doesn't get it at all!
SCIENTISTS. Why not wank off a chicken and an egg at the same time, and solve this mystery once and for all?
Today, an old man in my apartment building said to me, "I think my wife died. The sex is the same, but the laundry’s starting to pile up."
How does a male pig impress a potential mate? ... with a lardon.
Why do I always pick the crunchy pear? I hate my life.
My son (5) on tour of Emirates stadium: "Anyone know who this is" asks guide pointing to Arsene Wenger bust. Theo: "Darth Vader?" Thataboy!
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