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Women Could Rule The World, If Only We Stopped Hating Each Other

The "girl world" doesn't have to be scary. If we only took out the hatred of being bitchy and jealous of our fellow women, we could rule this world ourselves...

“Girl World” is complicated. It’s as real as it is mythical. It stands for all female friendships, relationships, social groups… anything female counts. It’s invented; a fictionalised version of real life. Girl World has its problems. We’re all bitchy and we hate each other. We all speak in riddles or lines from Mean Girls. We never accept outsiders or people who look and dress slightly different. Most importantly, we never realise that this is all total bullshit.

The rules of Girl World are insane. In the end, I don’t think it matters whether it is the media or fashion industry that feeds us these false ideas of what we should look like and how we should act. It’s a mix of the two, we know that. We’re given these commandments and rules in magazines and newspapers, we see them brought to life on the catwalk and in advertisements. We are given the itinerary of what to wear each week, what’s in and what’s out – creating the idea that if we aren’t in the momentary fashionable trends, we should be ousted from the social group.

In the 2006 film, The Devil Wears Prada, one of the principles of the Anne Hathaway’s character is to not conform to fashions dictations, she wears what she wants. A couple of scenes later and in an attempt to have her boss and colleagues respect and like her, she changes. It’s an insight, because the book is about real life experiences. We choose to embrace these rules, we follow them and in turn, we make others follow them too.

Women do not dress to impress men. Most men don’t have a clue about fashion trends and this is okay. It’s why they ask us what we think of their outfit with puppy dog eyes, hoping we’re going to congratulate him for realising trainers and good trousers do not match and you can’t wear a tie with an unbuttoned shirt collar. We could probably tell them Kappa tracksuits have made a surprise comeback, throw in a few designers and catwalk shows and they’ve lost interest enough to just agree. I love this about men, I really do. We dress to impress other women, to secure our place amongst the stylist ‘elite’. We think we’re better if we’re wearing a nicer dress, designer shoes or trying to shove our life into a designer handbag that is only big enough for two essentials so we have to pick. I might not have my purse but I can reapply my lipstick whenever I like! We drool over Vogue thinking ‘this will make me a better person’ so we empty our bank accounts to achieve this ridiculous and fabricated ideal of dominance because we’re wearing something we can’t really afford.

More…

Pussy Riot: The Story Behind The Russian Protest Trial

TV Show “Girls” Does More For Feminism Than Sex & The City Ever Did

Every day is a beauty competition. The phrase ‘the street is your catwalk’ is popular for a reason. Be honest, who hasn’t sat on the tube and looked along the carriage wondering who you’re prettier than? Not the chick in the Louboutin heels but definitely you in the yellow velvet tracksuit. It’s pretty easy to get sucked in and it happens to the majority of us but that doesn’t mean we’re bad people. There’s a sense of pressure on women to always look our best. I don’t know many ladies who have the confidence to go out without makeup on or in an outfit that belongs in the bin but we cling on to it for one weird reason or another. I don’t even own joggers because Lagerfeld bitched about them for Christ sake! I’ve worked next to Bank tube for a while and everyone was dressed impeccably so I convinced myself I needed to up my game. I spent hundreds on dresses, shoes and Chanel. I’ve had my friend check my outfit in the morning and I’ve drowned him with questions like “do I look thin? Do I look stylish? AM I PERFECT YET?!” No one gives a shit to be honest. I’m still good at my job, even when I wore jeans on that rainy day in February.

There are interpretations of Girl World everywhere. Made in Chelsea and Geordie Shore are the worst. It’s stereotyping at its best, or worst depending on your views. Southern girls are all bitchy, two-faced liars. Northern girls are all un-classy, violent, volatile, loud and obnoxious ‘sluts’ who want any man they find. Have you been to the Bigg Market on the weekend? Trust me – you wouldn’t want anyone you came across. Even though the guys sleep with more people, that doesn’t matter because WHAT THE HELL is Charlotte doing?!

We’re all equally as stupid though, obviously. There’s a desperate desire to play up to these stereotypes, to become what the media says, to do as you see. I rarely tell Londoners I’m from Newcastle – I can’t deal with the Geordie Shore jokes. If you idolise someone from these programmes, you need to either read a book or get out the house and find someone truly inspiring. If you watch 90210, I’d bet on you ‘hating’ Adrianna, right? She’s just a character, but she’s a drug addicted, she has family problems, it makes her act out and do bad things. We’re meant to feel sorry for her but we don’t, we don’t like her. She isn’t stick thin or perfect, she isn’t rich and she doesn’t have a house with a pool. She’s troubled, she isn’t like all the other girls and we’re not meant to like that.

Girl World has been polluted with hatred. We have created this pretence of hating every other girl EVER, just because they’re girls. Sorry I was born with a vagina and I didn’t get a say in it but I did wear the same top as you last week, my mistake! I’ve seen countless Facebook status’s and tweets about hating girls, girls that they don’t even know. “I hate 99% of girls” was a most recent one. Really though, do you? You haven’t met 99% of girls and the girls you have met you probably don’t actually hate. People do it because it gives them a sense of power over other girls; it gives the feeling of looking cool (whatever that is) and men prefer women who hate each other because men supposedly hate women too. All you’re doing is alienating yourself; you won’t attain the popularity you crave. There’s enough hatred in the world. Men attack women, women attack men and we attack within our own genders. It’s a painful circle and any break in the cycle is a start. Women don’t have to hate each other; we don’t have to let envy and jealousy turn into hatred. We can have admiration and compassion.

My Nan told me, “If there’s anything worth believing in Katie, it is women’s rights and feminism.” She also said God, but we agreed to settle. There’s a negative vibe around feminism. It isn’t about hating all men, remaining single forever, buying a cat or bird each month. You can still shave, wear makeup and you don’t have to burn your bra – although you can if you want to. It’s about choice, doing what you like without being judged. It’s about equality and respect, not just between women and men but within the genders. It’s about equality of all women and all men. I’m no Gabriel Angel or star in the sky. I’ve wrote articles on bad style, bright hair making you look like a Smarties sweet and people who wear trainers to work. I’ve worked at enough Fashion Week events and I’ve told my sister her dress makes her look like she’s going to burst into the Can-Can. I’ve been to Hell and back as far as morals are concerned but I have at least realised my faults and I’m trying to change. I know what it’s like on both sides, I’ve got my issues with how I look, but I am actually a nice girl despite the comments I might have made. I don’t believe any woman can say she is not a feminist. If you want to be able to walk down the street wearing whatever you wish without getting sexually harassed or worse, if you want to be treated with respect and equality, if you want the same pay as a man doing the same job, then you believe in feminism. But I guess it’s also feminism to choose not to believe in it, it’s a circle.

Girl World doesn’t have to be scary. We don’t have to be full of hatred. We don’t have to pressurise each other into wearing something or looking a certain way. We don’t have to enforce these rules we’re being made to believe. Myra Macdonald is a great educator. From her, I’ve realised that bitching is created to belittle conversations between women – a simple comment or observation is bitchy, the passing on of information is gossip. We can still have a joke between friends, but we don’t have to make sure everyone knows. Hatred is a deep emotion, it’s what we feel about violence or abuse; we hate those things. We do not hate each other. I think realising comments on fashion between friends will never stop doesn’t make us bad people or anti-feminists. It makes us realists. We don’t have to be wrapped in cotton wool, but we don’t have to be full of hatred because someone doesn’t fit into the mould that has been created for us. We’ve witnessed the powerful success that can happen when women help each other and work together.

In 2012 we’ve had Pussy Riot protests, Slut-walks, fighting for our right to control our bodies (anti-abortion V pro-choice) and the woman’s vote dominated a large part of the American election. This year has been great for women. Girl World is powerful, it threatens male dominance. We’re always challenged to prove we are equal, but we succeed every time. Kill the hatred and maybe girls could run the world, to a Beyoncé national anthem.

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

Katie Eliza Wright 5:32 pm, 10-Dec-2012

No, I meant I did not write that line. "we could rule this world just as good as the men can..." was not my line.

mal 10:36 pm, 10-Dec-2012

......and this, ladies, is why you are the weaker sex. your obsession with your reflection in a mirror dominates the most important years of your lives. I wonder what most women think on their death beds? I wish I'd bought that chanel dress?

Katie Eliza Wright 11:32 pm, 10-Dec-2012

That's why I said it didn't matter...

Craig 12:14 am, 11-Dec-2012

This mentality is exactly what has stopped some people from progressing to the life they want, 1. Stop blaming everybody and everything else, find a solution don't expect the world to revolve around you. 2. Women speaking for all other woman, just because you all have a vagina doesn't make you one homogenous group. 3. People bitch because life is/was/will always be difficult and everybody wants more. Male or female you want someone else's wife, husband, car, house or job because it is better. Better drives us on.

Craig 12:26 am, 11-Dec-2012

P.s. what happened to my posts format?

Bear 10:13 am, 11-Dec-2012

Woman have been and continue to be, a sucker for a fairy tale! So, Prince Charming, Mr Big and Mr Darcy are all hanging about waiting for that 30+ bird who resembles she's fallen over the Boots counter backwards. Smell the coffee princess, that doesn't happen! Women are attracted to confidence, ambition and authority, as well as actual bad boys http://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/whats-so-right-about-mr-wrong.html Where as us men,well if you've got a nice body, a pretty smile and don't nag every 10 minutes, you are half way there. If you asked most young women these days what they 'aspire to' they would by in large say 'to be a footballers wife'; lay about their Surrey pad, flicking through the latest edition of Cosmo, and yet, this is the very shallowness, that fellow 'girl power' types snipe and bitch about in the girls toilet. In conclusion, buy that Chanel dress, but you may want a push-up bra instead of a burnt one. Bear

Katie Eliza Wright 10:18 am, 11-Dec-2012

Ok, I haven't blamed anyone else have I though. I have said that we use the media as an excuse yet we actively decide to be this way and we need to stop. I also haven't said the world revolves around us, I've said that in OUR own world, we need to solve our own problems to make the world better. I am not speaking for ALL women, I am speaking from what I have learnt being around women all my life and the ones I've spoken to about this, agree with what I'm saying. If you write an article on male football, just because you're a guy doesn't mean every other guy agrees with what you're saying but yet people write them anyways. I don't think I've ever wanted someone elses house or car or wife/husband because those things don't define how good my life are. But, if you like feel free to email me: kt.wrght@gmail.com because I love that you've read this and thought "this is what I'm going to bitch about first" but I think you've misinterpreted what I've said in it in some places. But, it's my opinion from what I've experienced, and you're entitled to your own opinions too. And I don't know what happened to our previous posts.

Katie Eliza Wright 10:24 am, 11-Dec-2012

Honestly if you think I am looking for or want a 'Mr Darcy' you have completely got this whole thing wrong. Also, calling me princess is patronising.

Katie Eliza Wright 10:26 am, 11-Dec-2012

*life is

Bear 12:00 pm, 11-Dec-2012

Katie, As pointed out above, it's women's mentality that mainly obstructs them, not men. You do raise some valid points, though interesting to note that you circumvent the 'nasty side' of women's progression. So, before you pigeon hole me in the chauvinistic box, ask yourself why so many of these smart, young, aspirational women from the cream of UK schools flocked to apply for the course Prince Willy did at Uni? What's the difference between this lot, and the tarts hawking about Mayfair nightclubs? Snag yourself a prince or footballer and let the good times roll.

Katie Eliza Wright 12:11 pm, 11-Dec-2012

WOW. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than put all my efforts into finding a footballer for a boyfriend/husband. In fact, I'd rather do that than put all my efforts into finding any guy to define me or my happiness. Also, I didn't say men were the problem. If anything, I compliment men for not caring about looks/appearences etc and allowing them dictate things. I think you've got my intentions wrong.

Bobby Ray 1:24 pm, 11-Dec-2012

Everyone knows that women will always be competitive when it comes to men. Take any 5 single women, put them in a room and let a good looking, successful man walk in - they will be happy to stab each other in the back, lie, cheat and do whatever they need to in order to snare him. Men on the other hand will think - she's fit, I'd love to bang her, but there are plenty more like her about. Men's ability to use logic and reason to dictate their decisions over women's reliance on emotion means women will always be behind men in terms of world domination.

Simona Torchio 1:32 pm, 11-Dec-2012

You've misinterpreted this article! Its not grouping ALL women everywhere together as one, its talking about personal experience and it's pretty much real from what I know and have seen. i dont understand why youre talking about men and if she should get a footballer because that has nothing to do with the article!

Craig 2:08 pm, 11-Dec-2012

I think i didn't post clearly enough, it was 50% aimed at the author and 50% aimed at the subject in general. The points you raise and the similar points often raises by female friends are always argued down the gender divide. This is the myth that that is all to easy to use as scapegoat when things aren't going quite how we had hoped. These problems exist for both sexes, all religions, across every border, skin tone, height, weight group....... What subdivision are you? Probably the one thet suits your agenda. (not YOU author)

Bear 4:34 pm, 11-Dec-2012

This notion that men are poorly dressed and need some lovely fashionista to guide them through 'fashion middle earth' is aside from a streotype, just plain laughable. I like you work in the city, and most of the 'fashion crimes' I see being made arn't by middle aged men who let their wives dress dress them, but by those wives themselves! If I had a pound for every trout-faced, mutton dressed as hag I saw on the tube I'd retire tomorrow. Places like T.M Lewin, Hawks, and Paul Smith make it easy for even the most simple of chaps. Stroll in, and let them do the leg work.

Herp Derpington 11:46 pm, 11-Dec-2012

You missed out a big problem in Girl World, well, touched on it in one of your replies - the 'Not All Women Are Like That' idea - 'NAWALT', the thing is most are, its basic pshychology and sociology and what Bear says is true for the majority. Plenty of women, even you it seems, have a notion of preferred perceived personality vs actual behaviour ie mainly disparaging other women for behaviour that theyre guilty of themselves. The thing is, i dont even think its conscious, a lot of women are actually blind to it and dont see the connections even if specific ones are pointed out, i've often heard the excuse "well, thats not the same thing..." even spiteful, vindictive and bitchy acts have excuses which are self validated. Also hypergamy, again Bear has a point. Hypergamy filters into nearly every part of your lives - Men arent a threat, theres nothing a woman cant do, however, another woman IS the only real competition to you professionally and personally. And where status (perceived or otherwise) is involved, there is no united sisterhood - you feign support or lie sometimes under the pretense of not wanting to hurt someones feelings. It'll never be united, no large group or even subgroup has that united front - the black community are always complaining about the crab mentality we have

Herp Derpington 12:07 am, 12-Dec-2012

I dont envy you - we have similar in 'Man World' - a lot of fem-biased manginas, men so devoted to a fem-centric society theyve defined what it means to be a man by a female's standard, its pathetic. And we, like you, have men who say and do daft things eg hold parenting as a higher form of being. Admittedly, there are more women frowning upon married women who dont have kids than there are men frowning at married men but its still there. One problem with feminism is that it some of the biggest voices promoted an almost facist ethos for domination for the sake of it, maybe even revenge, it still isnt even about equality. so when youve introduced that kind of confrontational concept, your happy hippy ideal goes out the window. but hey, at least it exists for you - hardly any men are involved with or even aware of the Mens Rights Movement - most men still conform to an idea of the disposable male/ male slavery and the almost deification of women

Edaway 8:40 am, 15-Dec-2012

Katie, you make some really good points here, a lot I identify with. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of female friends who don't all know each other but all of them good people. If there was ever a time that they would all be in the same room together then I have no doubt I would be acting like the UN trying calm the seething tensions and to explain away the claims of 'dirty looks'. Why does this happen? They are all great people so I can only put this down to the fact that women are very competitive with each other and to feel good about themselves they need to put others down. I admit this situation was more prevalent in my twenties and I think you are experiencing the same thing. However, as you are working in fashion/media/PR I imagine it is significantly worse with everyone wanting to be the most cool and the most aloof but no one ever quite achieving it. A side effect of this is that the media and magazines buy into this telling how to get to the next stage of cool and how you can be more fashionable than the girl on the tube sitting next to you. My point is that women are women's biggest critics and maybe, perhaps, should lighten up and go a bit easier on yourselves.

Edaway 9:25 am, 16-Dec-2012

I was thinking about this some more (possibly because my last comment essentially restated the point of Katie's article!). Hating/critising/bitching about each other is the equal and opposite reaction from the need for all of us to show off. Yes, we all do it, some more than others. We all have friends on Facebook who love to bang on about their new car, fantastic party or amazing holiday they have been on. Talking for myself my reaction to this is not necessarily being happy for them but a mix of envy and extreme tutting and rolling of eyes. When you're in your twenties life is all about your mates, going out and looking good. It is also about making sure people know about where you've been or how much you've spent on a dress or which DJ you know etc etc. In your thirties its about the house you own, how bright your kids are, the three expensive holidays you go on every year and again making sure everyone know about it. OK, so I'm massively generalising here but my point is that we all show off and, as a result, people bitch about it, therefore we are all part of the problem. I'm note sure why this is particular to women, but probably because you are far more competitive with each other compares to men.

Joe Williams 4:47 pm, 11-Feb-2013

Hey Katie, Interesting article. I've done a bit of feminist philosophy at uni and I agree with a lot of what you're saying, with the proviso that women vs men is kind of a false dichotomy. Yeah we have different organs and such, and you can generalise and say our brains are a bit different. However, clearly some men are more like women than men and vice versa, and indeed some women and men are so much like the opposite gender they get body altering surgery. So it's not a black and white distinction. I also really like the way this piece is written. You have a way of spelling things out that's both individual and honest.

Katie Wright 8:10 pm, 24-Feb-2013

Hi Joe, thank you, you're lovely x

bnd 4:20 pm, 20-Apr-2013

i think the problem is that feminism is too broad an umbrella term now. peopke get turned off by people saying they are feminists who have a totally different idea to for example this writer - who makes a passionate argument about just being yourself. why is this even under the feminist umbrella? people are getting boxed off too fast, maybe forgetting the word feminist would improve things. are we going backwards in this regard? whn i was a bit younger things didnt seem so fierce

Chris 4:02 pm, 4-Jun-2013

'...and men prefer women who hate each other because men supposedly hate women too' I find hating other women to be a really off putting quality, as does every other male I've spoken to about this. The only time I've acted as if I agree that a woman is ugly/fat/something else equally unimportant, is when agreeing with an ex girlfriend so that she didn't instantly think I wanted to sleep with that other girl she was needlessly bitching about. In short, men don't prefer women who hate other women. We find it very unattractive but are forced to agree so that our girlfriends don't throw that "Oh, so she's pretty then is she? Well SORRY I don't look like that" line at us.

lindsey 2:13 pm, 12-Jul-2013

Today post feminist women are still soaking in gender based expectations of looks and behaviour. The main reason high maintenance feminine looks dominate fashion is bc companys make money from selling stuff that will need to be replaced more often. Women did make progress with feminism and nothing has been lost, women are free today to walk the streets in the same kind of clothes men wear. The thing stopping women now is an illusion of outside pressure to look like a doll. This illussion is created by a money hungry capitilist system. If you step out without all this stuff here in 2013 the worst that will happen is some women and some men wont like it. Though the worst critics tend to be women. Compare this to 100 years ago and a woman may have got arrested for wearing trousers. Women today are held back by rules that dont exist, women of yesterday fought hard against real established rules and won. Take it from me, someone who has for the past 10 years lived and dressed outside femininity, gender roles and fashion as you know it. Women are a hell of a lot more free then they think they are, nothing bad will happen if you dont wear make up or heels every day. Also most men have no idea whats going on with todays women and their vanity and are not the ones forcing all this stuff on women. Its better a woman eats right and keeps fit to look good. I dont think women are destined to hate each other, I remember before all this stuff came on the scene, a time when women did not treat each other like this. Now women have their rights they must learn how to allow each other to be free. Sometimes when an oppressed group is made equal it takes time for them to adapt to having their new power. Thats because of internalized oppression impacting how the oppressed group view themselves and each other. This is why oppressed groups act to further their own oppression. This is what is going on post feminist with women, and companys are profiting from it so its in their interests to pander to it. Though if you look around their are alternatives.

Neri 3:28 am, 21-Jul-2013

"I'M A WOMAN AND I DESERVE EQUALITY." "DID YOU JUST HIT ME?? HOW DARE YOU, I'M A WOMAN!" LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. Women's perceived equality at work. There's a reason why we hate each other. We're all hypocritical bitches inside and "women's intuition" calls out on it.

Momo 12:13 am, 31-Jul-2013

I'll tell you why you hate each other. It's genetic. A new study came forth claiming that women started hoarding food in clumps for their children and that led to a division of land and space. Each woman took over a plat of land. Men became monogamous to protect the woman from infanticide and ensure his offspring's success. He couldn't protect many spaces and thus having many women became too difficult, so spending all his energy on protecting one woman and their kids was more efficient. Now, my theory is women that hated other women had more access to resources because they did not need to share. Women that shared ran the risk of losing resources for her offspring. thus, being selfish gave women an evolutionary advantage over women that share. So women hate each other because thousands of years ago you were selected for it.

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