Yet Another Reason to Hate Heavy Metal: Megadeth Endorse Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum has been tipped as the next Republican leader - a worrying prospect, made even worse by an endorsement from Megadeath
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Rick Santorum has been tipped as the next Republican leader - a worrying prospect, made even worse by an endorsement from Megadeath

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I just found another reason to hate Heavy Metal. I know right, just throw it on the pile and carry on. But this is quite a major one. It’s more important than the general depressing nature of the genre, or that no Heavy Metal band members have yet worked out how to use a razor.

The lead singer from the Death Metal band Megadeth recently endorsed Rick Santorum. This raises a couple of questions. It’s Heavy Metal, can he really be claimed to be a singer? And why would he endorse Santorum, a sweater vest wearing Deep South Catholic?

I should probably explain who Santorum is. He used to be the Senator for Pennsylvania and is running to be the President of the United States of America. Which seems fair enough until you remember his one flaw; he’s completely evil.

Santorum is extremely homophobic. He even equated homosexuality to paedophilia and bestiality. Obviously that unflattering comparison upset a lot of people and he received hate messages from millions of paedophiles. But what position is Rick Santorum really in to make these judgements. Is he a homosexual? No. Is he a beastophile? No. Is a he a paedophile? Well, he is Catholic.

But what position is Rick Santorum really in to make these judgements. Is he a homosexual? No. Is he a beastophile? No. Is a he a paedophile? Well, he is Catholic.

Surely such a man couldn’t actually get elected, right? Wrong. He is the front runner of the Republicans to be the next president. That means of all the Republican candidates trying to be President he is the most probable to win. And that’s worrying for both him and the world. It’s worrying for him because he’s the front runner and I’m not sure he’s comfortable having all those men behind him. And it’s worrying for him because the President is supposed to be the leader of the free world. If Santorum’s elected it won’t be a free world.

Not since Santorum has made it policies of his to ban contraception, absolutely any form of birth control, abortion and sodomy. Ban sodomy? Apart from the obvious issues to human rights there how would you even do that logistically? How can you tell if a gay person has been having sex? Get the police to monitor Vaseline sales in the local area? Under Santorum’s rule of terror the police would be allowed to stop you in your car and breathalyse you for drinking alcohol or sucking cock. How would you even enforce that law? What would you do? Send gay people to jail? Right, because there’s no gay sex in jail. It seems more than a little hypocritical considering that Santorum can hate the gays with such passion and then want to introduce tax cuts that would bugger the economy.

But it isn’t only homosexuals he hates. He’s a racist and the man wants to ban abortions, even in cases of incestuous rape. Well, to be fair if you can abort the babies of incestuous rape the population of the Deep South would undoubtedly half.

Fortunately, it would appear his campaign is flagging somewhat. Santorum has been searching for a place to host his next rally but he can’t actually find anywhere. Why? Was Hell already booked? Well if he’s looking for a place to hold his rallies may I suggest Nuremburg?

He’s even stooped to doing publicity stunts, such as sponsoring a race car for the NASCAR Daytona500 race. And he’s missed a great opportunity to show his environmental side. If they’d converted the car to biomass they could have run it all day on his bullshit. At least it proves that the Santorum campaign staff and I have something in common; we both want to see Rick Santorum plastered all over the side of a car.

Even his publicity photos, such as one of him posing in front of a full bookcase, suggest he’s out of touch when it comes to voters. The people of the Deep South don’t read. And if that really is Santorum’s bookshelf then how many copies of Mein Kampf does the guy need?

I’m still not sure why Megadeth support him. Although Megadeth is a worryingly apt name for a group that endorses the candidate who voted against a bill to give US soldiers in Afghanistan body armour that was actually bulletproof. Maybe it was free publicity for the band. But no matter how much publicity it got me I would never endorse Santorum. I want him to be hanged from his testicles off the Golden Gate Bridge while tourists take turns sodomising him with a broomstick.

He makes me angry. He really does. So angry I might listen to some heavy metal.