The Brits are barely finished and critic and forum hacks are already venomously dissecting the nominees that they previously spent the whole of last year backing like ‘dead certs’ at a dog track.
So, to make next year’s showdown easier for all of us, here are five artists that are set to break the award-troubling mainstream in 2011 and the reasons why we'll most-likely be tearing them apart like angry Jedward fans by 2012.
Why we love him now:
He’s a wild-haired oddity that has been treading the toilet circuit for some time now and is finally set to release his much awaited debut album this year. He’s fun and appeals to the camp inner outcast inside all of us. He dresses like a heroin addled dandy and he’s good friends with that ginger haired weirdo Paloma Faith.
Why we could hate him later:
He’s good friends with that ginger haired weirdo Paloma Faith, he looks like a mannequin from Top Man and acts like a human cartoon - do we really need another Mika or H from steps?
Why we will love them now:
After an abundance of synthy girly indie music we’ve finally got a band with some meat on their bones that make ‘rock’ music. They are angsty and dark and make music that will piss parents off and hopefully inspire teenagers to use distortion pedals again.
Why we could hate them later:
They are essentially the mediocre Pixies and Nirvana cover band you started when you were 16 and if you couldn’t do it then, why the fuck should they do it now? Besides that, the grunge look is well shit and will never catch on. Especially after we’ve all just spent the last 6 months buying expensive desert boots, chinos and chunky knitwear. Now is not the time for another image overhaul.
Why we will love him now
A miniature acoustic guitar-wielding Prince Harry that sings, raps and occasionally hangs around with grime stars. Something of a musical genius, he’s been self-releasing material since he was 15 and has just signed to Atlantic. At the tender age of 20 he has already spent more than his share of time touring and gigging and knows the circuit in and out. Subsequently he’s well practised, amazing live and constantly developing his sound.
Why we could hate him later
He’s prolific and has a back catalogue already more sprawling than most current recognised artists, but quantity is not always quality and occasionally he sounds a bit too much like Nizlopi for his own good. Plus, 8 releases since the age of 14? Pipe down Ed, nobody likes a show off.
Why we will love her now:
She is a beautiful brooding songstress that reeks of pent up sexual energy and tawdry desperation. Meaning that, despite her movie looks, she is potentially accessible and doesn’t everyone want that chance of going out with a sexy musician? Brian Eno is calling her, “the best thing since Patti Smith,” and Eno is never ever wrong. Ever.
Why we could hate her later:
Let’s face it, she’s just incredibly dull and your Mum will probably like her because occasionally she goes all massive and Shirley Bassey sounding. She’s the kind of act that will appeal to the same people that praised the ingenuity of Jamie Cullum back in 2003 and we all know what coffee lounge catastrophe that created.
Why we will love him now:
He’s not just another one of these flash-in-the-pan grime stars come good, he’s the real deal and has already sold over 15,000 of his own mixtapes without label backing. On top of this he has collaborated with a who’s who of grime and is pretty much the scenes go-to-guy if your record needs a lift. He’s been on the verge of making it for ages and will be soon replacing Tinie Tempah as, ‘that man that is everywhere.’
Why we could hate him later:
By May he will have no doubt completely saturated the market and be featured on every song of 2011, not to mention being the only artist that we will ever hear when we step into a nightclub. It’s going to be just like Sean ‘inaudible’ Paul during the noughties. The man has already got his own clothing line for Christ’s sake...
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