Brian Eno's First Twitter Timeline

The former Roxy Music man has signed up to the social networking site and is happy to be called Brian. He doesn't like followers though, and is absolutely shit at hashtags...
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The former Roxy Music man has signed up to the social networking site and is happy to be called Brian. He doesn't like followers though, and is absolutely shit at hashtags...

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Erm…right…hello? Right. Simon?

Hello. This is my first Twitter missive. Eno out.

Hello. This is my second Twitter missive. Yes, this is really me. Eno out.

Hello. Received an electronic mail informing me someone called @roxy-fan is ‘following me’. Please do not follow me, it is not appreciated. Eno out.

Hello. I have been informed that ‘following’ is an integral part of this whole experience. I don’t approve though I suppose I have to stomach it. Eno out.

Hello. I have also been informed that saying ‘hello’ and ‘Eno out’ in every missive wastes valuable characters. It seems civility is absent from this form. Eno out.

@ludicrous-papaya No, I am quite happy being called Brian.

@Sundodger As previously stated, I am really quite happy being called Brian.

Many are asking me about my name on here @ENOB. Some of you seem to find it amusing for some reason. I would have preferred @Brian, but suspiciously this was taken.

Monkey “The Beatles”, [Hashtag] Monkeybands

Monkey “Herman’s Hermits”, [hashtag] Monkeybands

Monkey “The Who”, [hashtag] Monkeybands

Hello. I have also been informed that saying ‘hello’ and ‘Eno out’ in every missive wastes valuable characters. It seems civility is absent from this form. Eno out.

I am now being told I ‘don’t ‘get’ this [hashtag] game. Perhaps because my computer doesn’t have a [hashtag] key. It’s an Olivetti.

Idea for book: ‘Mathematical Sexual Deviance and the Modern Man’

@pamperedpuss No really, I am completely happy being called Brian.

@Ferryfanatic To answer your question, in Roxy music I was Brian and Brian Ferry was known as ‘Ferry’. I’m not aware if this changed when I left.

Idea for edible place setting: Fruit and Grains.

Went to gym. Bjork was in the steam room again. Made my excuses. Does she ever leave?

@Scholesy I’m sorry, I’m afraid I have no access at all to Iman. You are thinking of David Bowie. Also, I found your suggestion unsavoury.

I don’t understand why there isn’t more portable food? Again technology and the fiends behind it have failed us.

@Boneius Sorry to disappoint, I used a keyboard to make all the sounds in Roxy Music. None were made with my mouth.

Idea for Ballet: Girls in tutus dancing with chairs wearing big cocks.

I am now being told I ‘don’t ‘get’ this [hashtag] game. Perhaps because my computer doesn’t have a [hashtag] key. It’s an Olivetti.

For breakfast I made some steamed plums on a yoghurt hammock and Kobe beef bacon. No Acai juice, so had Vimto.

@Dalai-llama Your eminence. It is a pleasure to speak to you on here. It was a delight to be introduced at Sting’s. We must do it again.

@Dalai-llama I am being informed that you are a ‘spoof’ account. Perhaps I should have noticed the image of the llama that accompanies you. I suggest the person behind this finds a more satisfying hobby.

@stropper Thank you for telling me I am your eleventh favourite Brian. I don’t know what you expect me to do with this information. Though I too appreciate Brian Cant.

I think it may be Bjork slipping all those leaves under the door of my studio. What does it mean?

Idea for coffee table book: Photographs of the sexual equipment belonging to  top computer scientists.

To all of you asking, I really don’t have any opinion at all about Bono’s hat.

@shoshanna I’m very sorry, I don’t perform at school assemblies. Have you tried Peter Gabriel?

I do love to travel by bus, such a feeling of freedom and elusiveness.

The purest way to see the city is from the top deck of the 158. There is nothing finer.

@Dalai-llama I am being informed that you are a ‘spoof’ account. Perhaps I should have noticed the image of the llama that accompanies you. I suggest the person behind this finds a more satisfying hobby.

The best thing about being a ‘cult’ artist is the cloak of invisibility it provides. Unknown everywhere.

Ah, I may have been spotted on the bus.

A man is now screaming ‘Oi Eno, play us a bit of Back in Judy's Jungle then’ People are looking around.

I never underestimate the ability of the British male to pollute a situation.

Simon, if you’re on here, can you contact Addison Lee.

At least this taxi driver has no idea who I am and is playing Heart FM. Someone called Emeli Sande. Quite nice.

For lunch I made Aki-Aki fish on a bed of sourgrass and a mulch sauce. A Senegalese recipe taught to me by a Norwegian in Tasmania.

Bjork on the phone again. No idea what she is saying. Might have agreed to front an opera in Chad.

Music is about mutation and electricity – this is why I enjoy everything from Neu to Yello.

@sludgeman No I never actually encountered a baby on fire. It was a metaphor. For heat.

@shoshanna I’m very sorry, I don’t perform at school assemblies. Have you tried Peter Gabriel?

In Ghent. Always find it hard to perform sexually here. Something to do with the air quality possibly. Or the amount of dairy.

I have grown to hate the word ‘Ambient’. I now prefer ‘Quintessentially Void’.

Am I alone in finding the nose the most sensual part of a woman?

Why thank you @crumpet_kitten you do indeed have a lovely nose.

@crumpet_kitten Appreciate the kind words, delighted to still have fans your age.

@crumpet_kitten Yes, I will certainly stop by if I’m ever in Dunstable. In fact I may be there later this week.

@crumpet_kitten Indeed I think that could be arranged.

@crumpet_kitten I would love to see another picture, thank you.

@crumpet_kitten I think you’ll find that’s a picture of Penelope Cruz.

@crumpet_kitten Ah, right, so you’re actually called Brian as well.

@crumpet_kitten No I think the Dunstable trip might be off. Simon? If you’re reading this, is there a way to avoid people on this thing?

Idea for play: Fake people doing fake things. They are punished.

For dinner I had mountain stream cooled eel and ground kale with hard clusters of yam. Disgusting.

Well thank you Twitter that was a fun four hours. As expected this whole enterprise was completely redundant. Simon, can you help me turn this off? Eno out.

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