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Can Cher Lloyd's New Single Be As Bad As The Abominable Swagger Jagger?

by Gareth Dimelow
20 September 2011 78 Comments

Love her or her loathe her, the Cher Lloyd bandwagon continues to roll on, to the point where she was trending worldwide this morning on Twitter. But can new single With UR Love hit the lows of Swagger Jagger?

Love her or her loathe her, the Cher Lloyd bandwagon continues to roll on, to the point where she was trending worldwide this morning on Twitter. But can new single With UR Love hit the lows of Swagger Jagger?

“It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part.” That hopeless, condescending aphorism that rings in the ears of every chubby, asthmatic kid on school sports day. All designed to encourage a sense of camaraderie and team spirit, rather than the venal every-man-for-himself mentality that defines a true champion. Maybe that’s why we’re just not very good at winning in the UK. Perhaps those P.E. teachers were simply too effective in encouraging everyone to have a go, irrespective of talent or inclination.

It’s a cultural thing – just look at Murray Mount (or Henman Hill as it used to be known). All those hopelessly cheerful people waving their flags and gulping down their Marks & Spencers sausage rolls, knowing full well that they’ll be heading home long before the final, much like the object of their misplaced affection. They shrug, shake off their picnic blankets, and make a mental note to book tickets for next year.

Our TV shows are no better. Take Big Brother for example. The only rule of the whole show is that contestants are forbidden from talking about nominations. That means no allegiances, no tactical voting, and certainly no expressing a desire to win. Yeah yeah, you’re just “in it for the experience”. In the States Big Brother is all about winning – in fact it’s all they talk about. Because in the good old U.S of A, there are no prizes for second place.

But the most disturbing side-effect of this culture of also-rans, can be seen in shows like the X-Factor. Listen to the contestants in the run-up to the final and they’ll even admit that they’re not really in it to win it. They’re smart enough to realise that all they really need from the show is sufficient exposure to secure an audience, then they can sign up with a smaller record label and make it “all about the music”.

At least someone’s happily providing soundtracks for dentists’ waiting rooms and lifts up and down the country

And it’s precisely that nauseating naïveté that is responsible for the abomination that is Cher Lloyd. Having risen to fame last year as Cheryl Cole’s nominated assassination decoy, she’s now ready to unleash her debut single on an unsuspecting world. You can grumble all you like about the anodyne pap being churned out by the winners of the X-Factor, but at least someone’s happily providing soundtracks for dentists’ waiting rooms and lifts up and down the country. And within six months, they’ll be dropped by Cowell’s sausage factory, free to return to a life of pain-free anonymity. It’s the runners-up, the ones with aspirations of ‘artistry’, that you really have to worry about.

So what are we to make of Cher’s ‘Swagger Jagger’? Aside from the nonsensical title, which makes you long for the narrative coherence of the Cheeky Girls, it’s all about showcasing Will.I.Am’s Machiavellian influence. Coming across like a sink estate answer to the Black Eyed Peas, the track combines a shouty, tuneless verse with a chorus that riffs on ‘Oh My Darling Clementine’. All blended together with the subtlety of a cut-and-shut Vauxhall Nova.

All through the X-Factor, the judging panel repeatedly asserted that Cher was exactly what the British public was crying out for. And I guess they were right, which is why ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ was such a huge smash. Even so, it doesn’t mean that anyone’s going to rush out and buy ‘Swagger Jagger’. But what would I know – I turned 36 last week, which means I’m old enough to be intimidated at a bus-stop by Cher and her hoodie-loving posse. Or I would be, if they didn’t come across like a bunch of Pineapple Dance Studio rejects. They can strike all the poses they like, but I know they spent their weekend rinsing out Louis Spence’s leg-warmers.

In fact, everything about the video, and the song itself, is utterly insincere. And for all her swagger (jagged or otherwise), there’s something disingenuous about the big-haired faux-Fergie herself. The whole point of the song is that Cher’s “haterz” are just jealous. That’s why they’re all so keen to steal her style. And yet, responding to negative reviews of her video over the weekend, Cher Tweeted “I have feelings. I come across as a hard faced bitch, but please give me a break. If someone can say that to me then they can say it to anyone! fight the bullies! Don’t let them win! These people are not safe to be on the internet, many people are affected badly by this sort of behaviour!” Now, I may not be the world’s foremost expert on the subject, but that doesn’t sound much like swagger to me. Then again, my rhyming dictionary drew a blank when I looked up “petulant whining brat”.

Related Article

10 Female Urban Stars Who Are Significantly Better Than Cher Lloyd

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

Boo 9:26 am, 7-Jul-2011

The chorus is the the same tune my kids sang the 'pancake song' every year at Pre-school ! she is an embarrassment..

LoneWolf 9:47 am, 7-Jul-2011

Easy target?

Jock 9:54 am, 7-Jul-2011

Oh my Darling, Oh my Darling, Oh my Darling Clementine. Thou art lost and gone forever, Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

bryan jowett 10:20 am, 7-Jul-2011

who pulled the trigger? Cher or William!!! really could be up there with the worst of the worse! perhaps we should stop looking at the puppet and finally get around to stop listening to the constant CRAP!! this over hyped guy with a stupid name produces! yours Bry-i-an

The Baron 10:21 am, 7-Jul-2011

You are just jealous though, aren't you?

Tim Russell 10:23 am, 7-Jul-2011

Sweet jesus christ on a bike, this song is fucking terrible.

ericc 10:43 am, 7-Jul-2011

So you write a whole article about the song. normally if you don't like a song you just keep it movin.. This is why a trolls opinion is always invalid

Cliff Richard 10:47 am, 7-Jul-2011

Not sure the reference to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is necessary. In fact, that's pretty racist. I agree with everything else you put but I would get rid of that line.

Franklin O keef 10:50 am, 7-Jul-2011

I smell a summer hit. It's easy to have a pop at young Cher (16 I believe) and lots of folk are but the bottom line is the single is annoyingly catchy and has the greatest title of a single for ages. 36 you say, then why have you put up a photo of your father. Get your swag on!!!

CATHERINE WALLACE 11:08 am, 7-Jul-2011

SORRY THIS IS NOT MUSIC JUST A LOT OF SHOUTING AND NOT EVEN ORIGINAL OH MY DARLING CLEMINETINE CAN'T SHE WRITE HER OWN SONGS OR AT LEAST FIND AN ORIGINAL ONE AFTER ALL THE HYPE ABOUT HER FIRST SINGLE SORRY ITS AWFULL

Tania Swagger 11:09 am, 7-Jul-2011

I LOVE THIS SONG!!! and im 34....

Gareth 11:15 am, 7-Jul-2011

@Cliff - Sorry, I agree that the MBFGW was probably a cheap shot. But it was a pointed reference to the tabloid's obsession with Lloyd's traveller roots, suggesting that the UK was not ready to embrace a gypsy pop star. Apologies if it caused offence though. @Franklin - Dad doesn't seem to mind the exposure.

Farmer John 11:21 am, 7-Jul-2011

Get your swag on Franklin?? No I don't think I will sunshine.

Chris 11:23 am, 7-Jul-2011

CLIFF RICHARD IN GYPSY RACE ROW

Chris 11:24 am, 7-Jul-2011

MICK JAGGER IN SWAGGER JAGGER SUPER INJUNCTION MAYHEM

Chris 11:25 am, 7-Jul-2011

This song leaves me wondering if I like her trainers or not.

Keith Wildman 11:27 am, 7-Jul-2011

To be fair it looks and sounds like it's aimed at 13-year-old lasses. So seeing as none of us that read or write for ST are 13-year-old lasses, we're just not meant to like it. Music aimed at them is nothing new so just let them get on with it.

ben 11:34 am, 7-Jul-2011

@catherine wallace- U Mad? HAHAHAHA

CATHERINE WALLACE 11:57 am, 7-Jul-2011

NOT AS MAD AS YOU BEN LOL

dunstan 12:11 pm, 7-Jul-2011

it seems to me that everyone has just discovered M.I.A. and is now obsessed with ripping her off mercilessly and very very badly [see also that woman from girls aloud].

Rob 12:12 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Brilliant review. Just came on the TV prompting me to google what the fuck "swagger jagger" is... Needless to say, I am not amused.

Keith Wildman 12:28 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Oh, and I was expecting her to break out into 'How's yer father referee...'

The Baron 1:10 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Kieth's got to the nub of the matter - This is aimed at teenagers & I doubt many of us are in the target demographic. I think Ms Lloyd is to be commended for her achievements, me.

The Baron 1:11 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Oh yeah, @ Farmer John - Tough is the man who calls another man sunshine.

Kane 2:14 pm, 7-Jul-2011

All she needs now is to shack up with a premier league reserve player and get her own reality show and her transformation from nobody to z lister will be complete. Hooray!

SAMi 2:17 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Waz rong wiv bein a gypz? My BFF is a travla & shes a tite gud laz, dont b raciz blud.

Franklin O keef 2:36 pm, 7-Jul-2011

The Baron, sorry its Keef as in keef Richards.

The Baron 3:14 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Soz Keef, I was on about Monsieur Wildman's first post, but yeah, your post's bang on as well, I must've missed it on first viewing.

Martin Quirk 3:28 pm, 7-Jul-2011

This is the music journalistic equivalent of that bloke who walked into the school in Dunblane and blew away 16 toddlers at point blank range.

Scotty 3:31 pm, 7-Jul-2011

I've not heard it yet but it's an obvious protest song taking issue with the 40 year unrepentant trail of death Mick Jagger has left behind him. From Brian Jones to the poor lad at Altamount, Cher Lloyd is pointing to Jagger's hubris and commenting on a man still prepared to "swagger" through life. It was a nice touch to release it on or near the date of Jone's death. Clever girl.

Franklin O keef 3:38 pm, 7-Jul-2011

No problem The Baron my mistake. Martin that was fucking spot on funny.

Laura 3:53 pm, 7-Jul-2011

He he he. One of my (young) friends on Facebook "Liked" Swagger Jagger and I didn't know what it was so I had to Google it. This song is a mess, which is why I liked your review.

Ffi 4:04 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Oh look it's Lady Sovereign with turrets!

Dan 4:12 pm, 7-Jul-2011

I am 36 and what is this?

Lester The Lunatic 8:25 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Hideous. It sounds like it's sung by the same anodyne reject that clearly sings everything on the Disney channel. Or is just that autotune nonsense that makes everything sound like C3PO on a bad day.

Dave 8:54 pm, 7-Jul-2011

the words 'ropey' and 'gypsy' spring to mind. she should spit that wasp out her mouth too. yes, it is prob aimed at 13 year olds but doesnt stop it from being utter shit, does it?!

Dave 11:39 pm, 7-Jul-2011

Must be 2 "Dave's" on here as that certainly wasn't me. Although I do agree with Dave's comments and the article itself. Still, you'd shove your winkle up it, right? Top Skank-o-shag I reckon.

AEP 12:25 am, 8-Jul-2011

This is why I love the brits. You brits can be so HARSH yet do it with such panache.

The Baron 12:44 am, 8-Jul-2011

Dave, you're out of order, man - Girl's only young and all she's doing is, well, what she's doing - Have some respect, this talk of skanks is unbecoming. Haterz R Jealous.

Martin Quirk 12:50 am, 8-Jul-2011

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eating-alaphabetti-spaghetti-and-shitting-out-better-lyrics-than-Cher-Lloyd/228342823862981

Dave 1:37 am, 8-Jul-2011

Well Baron strip things back a a bit.Okay, I may well be out of order but it was an attept at humour which failed. Hold my hands up to that. She put herself into the public eye, maybe not directly but she wanted it if misguided and that's something her management and advisouser need to answer to. Along with that abysmal shite she hopes to build her career on. She's far too skinny for me to be even be fleetingly attracted to supposing she wasn't 20 years too young.

The Baron 2:02 am, 8-Jul-2011

Fair enough, Dave. The way I see it she's a young kid chasing her dream - Not a dream I'd go for & in that, you're probably right, her advisors & management probably do need to answer there. And I was a bit po-faced in pulling you up, but the way I see it, the kid's doing no harm & doesn't deserve the opprobrium that's heaped upon her (coz opprobrium is always heaped, just as English is always quintessentially), but that's not your fault, you just made a tongue-in -cheek comment. Though I must admit to some confusion - One minute you're saying she's a "skank-o-shag" and the next minute you're professing no intterest coz she's too skinny & 20 years too young. Which is it, baby?

Mongalong 11:08 am, 8-Jul-2011

It's shit, you can't defend shit. Don't try. Consider this though - with the contacts and potential writers and producers this project has, why is it so terrible? If I had that budget and phone book the record would be a marvel. Why is it so poor?

Silver Dream Machine 12:17 pm, 8-Jul-2011

The reference to MBFGW was cheap and cruel. What's wrong with Gypsies making music? Take for example the incredible David Essex who has a glittering music career across four decades and is still able to pull in the crowds at my local village hall. Rock on.

messianix 12:35 pm, 8-Jul-2011

Setting aside the fact that all lovers of music of whatever genre of necessity must hate Cher Lloyd, let us try and judge this on its merits. Clearly, there has been some reluctance to spend good money to buy her a decent song. This is a crap tune by anyone's standards; no-one could make this good. Some poor producer has sweated long and hard trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. As if working with Cher was not handicap enough of itself, the poor bugger was expected to try to make something of this song. Talk about double whammy!

Pirate Jenny 3:02 pm, 8-Jul-2011

oh. my. God. That's really quite poor...

charly farly 9:16 pm, 8-Jul-2011

ohhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyy godddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!

cpt gilgo 10:41 pm, 8-Jul-2011

You'd still smash her back doors to fuck though

Me 12:20 pm, 9-Jul-2011

Gypsy isn't a race you moron.

Noel 1:51 pm, 9-Jul-2011

I've nothing against Cher herself, it's just her song is absoloutley shit.

dickhead 12:48 am, 10-Jul-2011

haha iam a dickhead

Susan Poots 11:03 pm, 10-Jul-2011

Swagger Jagger is destined to become one of the classics, like Stairway to Heaven or Blowin in the Wind. The Lyrics are so heavily drawn on modern day urban society that if Shakespeare himself were alive he would be driven into submission as a third rate lyricist in comparison to the writer of these massive platitudes, Swagger Jagger, Swagger Jagger You can't stop looking me, staring at me Be what I be, you can't stop looking at me So get off of my face, You can't stop clickin 'bout me Writin' 'bout me, tweeting 'bout me, I can't stop, it's what I gon' be, My swagger's in check Get on the floor, get, get, get on the floor My swagger's in check Get on the floor, get, get, get on the floor I got in check The melody is so inspiring, coming from the same mould as that brilliant song The Wombles of Wimbledon Common or the theme to the Teletubbies, utterly awe inspiring. Long live the Cher Lloyd phenomonen, long live Katie Price and Kerry Katona and in modern pop culture may Cher Lloyd be remembered for the genius that she is........not!

Brian 8:03 am, 11-Jul-2011

Its strange isnt it, Cher is a young lady trying to make something of herself so lets all criticse and hopes she fails, after all who wants anyone young to achieve anything, far better she fails and becomes a lazy benefits sponger - sorry but I cant see why everyone is so desperate for this girl to fail; or is it just that people are insanely jealous that she may make more money than they do. Good luck to the girl, not really my cup of tea, but wish her all the best

Brian 8:07 am, 11-Jul-2011

PS Gareth, please can you post something positive you have tried to do to entertain others...then again I suspect you havent and are justa very bitter sad lonely individual. Lets face it nothing looks classier than an adult in a faded superman tshirt, very grown up and mature, go back to gaming

ForAlltheCows 4:28 pm, 13-Jul-2011

This song is a fucking blotch on the already acne ridden face of the music industry. I hope even more haterz get on her face because she is contributing to the colossal barrage of tripe that makes it such an uphill struggle for decent musicianship to be heard. I hope this plummets to depths that Rebecca Black can only have nightmares about.

mi me 2:02 pm, 15-Jul-2011

At 36 you should be reading your kids bedtime stories and not writing this and wearing a superman t shirt

Dave 8:58 pm, 15-Jul-2011

I just wrote a review of her too.... it's surprisingly easy! almost writes itself http://dodc.tumblr.com/post/7660153579/cherlloyd

Tim Beck 9:55 am, 22-Jul-2011

Gareth Dimelow, how proud you must be to have produced such a bullying, controlling, negative piece about someone who obviously has more talent than you! Your article is pure abuse: Cher is an "abomination", her fans are "rejects", and her song is "insincere". I think she has a right to free expression and doesn't deserve the disrespect this article represents. You look like an abuser in your photograph, with that contorted, strained face, and sure enough you're abusing a 17 year old girl here. Get a life instead of trying to beat up 17 year old girls.

Paul 11:23 pm, 22-Jul-2011

There's better to come from Cher I'm almost certain. She has talent and is unique. The fact that people love or hate could be a good thing. Even the haters are taking the time to write articles about how bad her first single is, but as the saying goes, any publicity is good publicity. She's almost certainly achieved more in her life already than the people writing such articles have done by their late 30's. Jealousy is ugly.

D 9:41 am, 29-Jul-2011

I've enjoyed reading people's comments and had a good laugh. It does have to be said that this song is horrendous which, for me, is a shame. I quite enjoyed some of the mash ups she had done during her massive rise to the prominence of 4th in the X Factor and was expecting to be blown away by her debut. Instead I would rather be blown up after hearing this. And as for Vocoded voice sampling - I will forever blame Cher - the evil harlot.

Tonker Toy 9:04 pm, 30-Jul-2011

You're joking right! Believe me when I say I'm not jealous. I'm also not a hater, but this record is truly horrendous. It may well have been written as a nursery rhyme for 13 year old girls, but I would be surprised if they were ever to utter the word Swagger Jagger to describe anything.It sounds like a bad 1970's B side, accompanied by a cheap incoherent video. Throughout the whole X Factor series, Cowell and his gang went all out to convince us we were seeing the emergence of a rapping superstar, quite to the contrary of what millions of people were witnessing week in week out.Guess we were right. How Mr Cowell is going to spin this into a hit, will need all of his genius in marketing.

The Man From Allied Carpets 7:33 pm, 3-Aug-2011

This song is like being kicked in the teeth by someone who has just stood in dog shit. It is like gargling with tap water from Chernobyl. She looks like one bulldog chewing the entire worlds supply of wasps. I hope Elizabeth Duke take her to court for royalties.

SPORTS 12:33 pm, 8-Aug-2011

Anyone else fancy making an e-petition for her execution? Might save what little is left of our dead culture. And as for traveller roots, they are just that. Roots. She has nothing to do with the gypsy community.

Velma from Scooby-Doo 1:51 pm, 8-Aug-2011

I hated her on X Factor, I hate the song too, however I admire her perseverance and tenacity in the face of a lot of e-mobs that have the modern talent of pressing the 'dislike' button on Youtube.

Jonesy 12:52 pm, 18-Aug-2011

I'm sorry but this song is quite terrible, manufactured to make money for producers and those who have their fingers in the pot... its a shame people like cher get dragged into a false sense of being a star and having talent. lots of people out there can do exactly the same sing and dance around. god knows how it got to number 1. although if you look at the comparisons for single chart and album charts, you will see decent musical talent in there ;)I avoid the X factor and such programs at all cost as they promote utterly crap music and put in place for maximum profit, when will we see a return for good music in the charts?

Im A Big Bully 7:07 pm, 29-Aug-2011

Isn't Swagger Jagger when pissed people start walking like Mick Jagger dances??

Independent Thinker 10:57 am, 14-Sep-2011

Out of which misappropriating talent-craved fame-seeker was this abhorrent, meaningless crap shat? It's the misguided, Girls Aloud wank-piece aping, Cher Lloyd: the petulant, whining brat. There's your rhyme.

Seamus is a girls name 9:13 am, 22-Sep-2011

It's pop. Who gives a shit. It's for kids. They wont be playing the new Death In Vegas album and I wont be listening to anything connected with a popularity show based on who can sing the best. Battle Of The Bands at its worst. But Cher Lloyd, she'll have to suffer the eventual fallout from getting dropped and nobody giving a shit. She knows its bollocks, as do we and her label, PR etc etc etc. It's just one more song to throw on the pile. I just feel sorry for the backing dancers in the video. 'Yeah, I'm into this, I'll do a reverse B-Boy stance, flip over, flick my fingers, roll my head to the left and do some old-skool shoulder bustin'...ok...who is this for again?' How do they sleep at night.

zoe linder 10:39 am, 22-Sep-2011

exuse me cher lloyd is amazing..your face is crap shit to shuv that up your fat arse mate and leave herr alone. or irl come and make you eat your own dick..turn your arse whole inside out now fuck off twat.

BirdGirlOnaCellPhone 11:30 am, 22-Sep-2011

Zoe, that comment sounded so desperately uneducated that I'm not surprised Cher is who you look up to.

Petebonics 3:34 pm, 22-Sep-2011

@Zoe Honestly, how do you manage to get dressed in the morning without hurting yourself?

Knappa 5:40 pm, 23-Sep-2011

Oh, gawd, is there nowhere free from imbeciles?? (referring of course to that Zoe "comment")

simon 5:15 am, 26-Sep-2011

What's so hard to get? the song is shit. She's a manufactured product. She can't even talk english properly and propagates chav culture. "bashing a young girl trying to make something of herself" excuse me??? she's a fraud. She isn't talented. There are thousands out there miles more talented, same age who are trying a lot harder than her and failing. Jealousy? no. more like embarrassment and shame that the music industry is actually using such a young person.

Martin 1:00 pm, 26-Sep-2011

I overheard Cher saying she has sacked her management company. What happened there then?

ManlyCurls.Com 12:55 pm, 3-Oct-2011

Great article. The song is terrible and manufactured so as to take advantage of the same gullible fools that happen to endorse this brat because they think she represents any values whatsoever. I mean, she was the favourite of the chav-major Cheryl Cole, what would you expect? Cheers

stuart 10:42 am, 20-Dec-2012

I like the bits where she's dressed by the stylist to look like a tit in a big wig... but other than that it's a sequencer blurting out noise to a vocoder voice

Stan Dalglish 10:24 pm, 13-Feb-2013

Who?

Stef 9:20 am, 9-Mar-2013

If hindsigth is 20-20, then this article proved blind. Just goes to show how out of touch you were with youth and modern culture! Maybe you should have limited commentary to what you were capable of seeing and understanding. Today, are you capable of understanding why Swagger became so popular or why Cher Lloyd is such a hit two years on from the writing of this article and your insolent claims about her person, talent and motivations? Maybe the arrogance in your article spoke more to your own shortcomings and insecurities than those of the artist and her work.... Food for thought for the author and others who had been so quick to comment and judge.

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