Nine Things I Learned At This Year's Boardmasters Festival

Kano. Surfing. Sunshine.  What's not to like?
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Kano. Surfing. Sunshine.  What's not to like?
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1- I’m old.

Old as fuck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m only 26. But that makes me over 10 years older than 70% of the people at Boardmasters. Sometimes it’s nice to feel old; I can drink more than 5 pints and vom on my boxfresh Vans for one thing. But sometimes feeling old is confusing; I mean, people are people no matter how old they are, but why would you crack open a mosh pit to James Bay? I’m talking like 30 people pushing back, ready to go absolutely mental when the drop comes.  Youth, eh?

2- Actually, James Bay, fair play.

Before this I had little interest in him, except for being confused as to why he pokes his ears out of his hair all the time.  But he was really good on Sunday night; it seemed like the whole festival was watching his first headline slot and he had everyone captivated throughout. Let It Go, Hold Back The River and If You Ever Want To Be In Love are made for huge crowds.


3- Location, Location, Location.

Firstly, every festival in the world should be by the sea. In fact; everything should be by the sea. It just makes everything better. Having a little hungover walk down to Watergate Bay on Sunday morning cleared my head right up. Not so good for my mate who ran down towards the sea in his pants and tripped over, falling face first into the water. Not exactly Daniel Craig.

4- Craig David got stranded in an airport.

I'm not sure what he was doing for the other six days last week, but he was chilling on Saturday. He apologised for not getting to his headline slot on the Unleashed stage, but it still doesn’t really sit quite right. Luckily Kano replaced him and absolutely killed it; a more than worthy headliner and someone who has released one of the albums of the year in Made In The Manor.

5- Strongbow Cloudy Apple is my new 'one'.

Fits any time of the day. Half ten breakfast? It tastes like toffee apple juice, sweet enough to rouse you back to life. Pre arena pre-load? Pour a few into a big cup and get it down.  Late night? Easy. Also tastes pretty decent warm, which is an absolute must for a festival drink. Also big shout out to that proper summery Cornish Orchard’s blush cider.


6- Never, ever, camp by the fairground.

We couldn’t get to site until Friday morning, but got there pretty early thinking we’d still be fine to find a spot. Wrong. Everywhere was absolutely rammed. We sent off for the furthest point from the entrance which seemed pretty clear, only to find out it was VIP only. At that point we seriously considered camping in the only spot we could see – right opposite the entrance to the dodgems - threw our stuff down and started to unpack the tent. Thankfully we thought better of it and trudged up hill to finally find a spot. But those people setting up next to us by the dodgems? Absolutely broken on Saturday morning. 

7- People at Boardmasters LOVE a shower.

Maybe I’m not putting enough effort in, but we’re in a field aren’t we? Still every morning hundreds of people queued for hours to have a shower. I don’t think I’ve ever had a shower at a festival, am I in the wrong here? Give me a wet wipe and I’m good to go. I put a bobble in my hair on Sunday night, took the bobble out later and my hair stayed in a bun by itself. Festivals are meant to be dirty aren’t they? Embrace it.

8- Boardmasters nails, well, everything really. 

Even the weather. Obviously they can’t control the sun but it, like everything else in this perfectly proportioned festival, was insanely good. The festival's even got a pro surf competition, in case you prefer your breaks coming from the sea rather than a turntable.

9- Them Cornwallians know how to clear up 

The festival copped some abuse in the festivals's aftermath, with the amount of rubbish left behind the subject of ire in the local press. Leaving aside the bleeding obvious - yes, there was some mess afterward, but the price of the clean up is in the price of the ticket - the organisers did a great job at returning those green fields to their tinnies and baby wipe-free glory of one week hence. 

Boardmasters takes place 9th - 13th August 2017. Tickets go onsale through the website 26th August.