I think Dara O’Briain put it perfectly in one of his live shows when he discusses the ‘guilty pleasure’: “It is an insult to top quality pop. And it is an insult to guilt.” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking a bit of trash, it should be embraced... and judging by the fact that it always seems to be at the top of the charts, it can’t be universally regarded as ear splittingly awful. This is the problem with music snobbery, there is always going to be a different opinion, and us cool folks should learn to accept it. I’ll still bang on about this super cool white label dubplate special of [insert Berlin techno artist here], but I can still have a jiggy to Bieber in the bedroom. When no-one’s at home, of course.
So while I will happily denounce anything involving or in any way related to David-Get-The-Fuck-Off-My-Radio-Guetta, there is no denying that some pop tunes are just undeniably great. Yes, I have been to a Walkabout before, mildly inebriated, and flung my arms wildly around a busy dancefloor to Britney Spears, sending bodies and drinks flying in my wake, and I’m ok with that. We’re only young once. Anyway, here are my 5 please-don’t-judge-me great/shit pop anthems.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
THIS is pop of the finest order. It’s so ubiquitous now, there are about a bajillion versions on youtube, it’s developed it’s own meme, it’s even been used legitimately as a pick up line. And you know what? It deserves it. Especially when these girls do a video to it.
Tinie Tempah - Pass Out
The first time I heard this I flipped my nut. Labrinth’s production was amazing, those gameboy synths, a hook line you can yell along to, and then that Drum & Bass outro! I was blown away. Then I heard it again. And again. And again. And again. Ad infinitum. Yet it has cemented itself as a solid CHOON in my books, even though lyrically it’s just terrible. “I’ve been to Southampton but I’ve never been to Scunthorpe”. Really Tinie? Really?
Destiny’s Child - Say My Name
RnB is a difficult genre to pin down. And I mean proper RnB, the stuff that R Kelly does so well, not the current penchant for this eurotrance bollocks with some bird yelling over the top of it. Destiny’s Child, too, are one of the all time greats. After one particularly raucous night’s partying, my best mate and I were laying in bed, barely able to move, and thought we heard this delightful melody drifting up from the kitchen along with the smell of sizzling bacon. We then proceeded to listen to it, on loop for about two hours and to this day I think it cured me of that hangover. Perfect pop, girlband fodder. See also: TLC - ‘No Scrubs’.
Miley Cyrus - Party In The USA
Now my girlfriend has horrible taste in music. What I said earlier about it being fine to like bad stuff? I take it back. That’s all she listens to. I’d never met a girl that has already started her periods lose her shit when a new Bieber song comes out... until I met her. So, thanks to this wonderful lady, I get exposed to all sorts of guttural pop, straight from the cheese factory. That said, she also introduced me to this. While I think this is the only time I’ve ever publicly admitted it, this song is just awesome. Now I still remember Miley from those halcyon Hannah Montana days, but now she’s all growed up and sexier and stuff, and she’s singing about how much she loves the U S of A over that quite frankly addictive guitar line. I can’t get enough of it.
Will Smith - Miami
I think the hardest thing about this one was choosing which Will Smith song to choose. Just hit after hit after hit! I fucking love Will Smith. The first record I ever bought was ‘Getting Jiggy Wit It’, and I still own every song he’s ever released. I’m proud of that fact, and I have fought people over it in the past. Fists and everything. I opted for ‘Miami’ because it’s probably the most outrageously poppy and divisive of his tracks (I mean, everyone loves ‘Wild Wild West’ don’t they? Don’t they? Guys? Guys! Where are you going?!) but when you’ve got a chorus singing the praises of babe-central (apparently) Miami, to ‘Party in the city where the heat is on’, it just gets a smile on the face. Bring me the cocktails and I’ll meet you on the beach.
Freddie's owned up, what are your favourite Rubbish Pop Songs? If you want to confess for Sabotage drop an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
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