Goodbye Adam And Joe: Here Are Your Best Bits

This weekend Adam and Joe are doing their last three podcasts from Glastonbury. So through tear-stained eyes, we present their greatest moments in broadcasting history...
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This weekend Adam and Joe are doing their last three podcasts from Glastonbury. So through tear-stained eyes, we present their greatest moments in broadcasting history...

That's right Black Squadron, you lonely morsels will now have a reason to get out of bed at a reasonable hour and dance merrily into the loving arms of misters Buxton and Cornish between the hours of 10 and 1 on Saturdays. As we salivate at the prospect of what delights might be in store, here's a run down of ten of their greatest features from all of the duo's marvellous endeavours and mis-adventures.

1.The Bobby De Niro Song

Adam and Joe were always a musical pair. What touching sentiments they couldn't say in words they would gleefully say in song. Yet despite the lyrical mastery of The Footy Song - “When I go see Villa, my view is blocked by a concrete pillar” - it never quite made its way onto and into the hearts and terraces of the nation’s football fans. Bobby De Niro on the other hand, was once allegedly drunkenly recited by the man himself whilst staggering out of Spearmint Rhino. And with lines like “He could teach Kevin Bacon a thing or two, looking, looking, looking at me are you?” who can blame him.

2. How To Survive a Rock Concert

The true appeal of the TV show wasn't its side-splitting gags or cutting commentary on the plight of modern life, it was the worldly experience you could gain just from watching it. I mean, advice for surviving your first party (if you've been alone for two hours, the party may be in another room) or a dos and don'ts for the murky world of underground record shops (never ask for anything on CD, you wanker) can't be found anywhere else. Here they are explaining how to survive a rock concert and how to pull at a Wombles gig.

3. The English Voice Coach

As we get set to welcome the boys back to the airwaves we can certainly look forward to that particular brand of unscripted, off the cuff hilarity that's seen me in particular squirt milk and cornflakes out of my nose. Take this brief deconstruction of a haphazard American accent coach whose attempts at the Anglo twang managed to inspire one of the greatest segments in radio history. Let's all raise a glass of 'corfay' to it...

4. Adam and Joe Go Tokyo

Let no man say that Adam and Joe didn't open people’s eyes to the new and exciting world of other cultures. Don't believe me? Well look no further than “Adam and Joe Go Tokyo”, a balls first journey into the alternative lives of the Japanese. Competitive speed eating, manga cosplay and, memorably, almost becoming an instant musical sensation.

5. The Queen's Speech

Is Jools Holland drunk? How do you make Colin Farrell do the dishes? We'll probably never know the answers to these pressing issues, but through the medium of imitation we can explore the endless cavern of possibility and consequence that questions like these have raised. Why bother getting high profile guests, who'll only want to plug a book anyway, when between them the boys could re-create a late night chat show featuring Piper Laurie and Sissy Spacek, and a distinctly Japanese sounding Queen Elizabeth...

6. Their Bowie Obsession

How much do Adam and Joe love David Bowie? Probably more than America loves guns, Sonny loves Cher and your mother loves you... combined! Despite Adam sending him an open invite and promising not to be “a physical or mental threat”, they've still been unsuccessful in their attempts to get five minutes of the great man's time. The quest will doubtless continue on Saturdays.

7. Song Wars

In what may well go down as one of the great radio segments of our generation, Song Wars was a weekly feature of the radio show that saw both Adam and Joe battling to appease the listeners through the medium of song. Every week, a theme was picked; Height, The Apprentice, Grazia etc, and the listeners would vote for the song they thought was best. Was there any justice in the world Joe's Quantum of Solace winner would have made it onto the actual film.

Joe's love song to The Apprentice judge Margaret Mountford is also a thing of quite some beauty

8. Boggins

Boggins. Boggins is a dog. Boggins is a dog who eats shit and birds. Boggins is a dog who eats shit and birds and then licks Joe's face. Joe wanted Boggins to be put down, which caused some segregation between the show's fan base. In the end Boggins was re-homed, but rumours abound that he'll be back for the new series.

9. Star Wars TV

Yet another string to the Adam and Joe bow was their skills in stop-animation. For whatever reason, George Lucas had chosen to neglect the Obi-Wan Kenobi's alcoholism sub-plot and Chewbacca's appearance on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire from the original trilogy, but using only the 80s action figures, they've finally been brought to our screens. Here we find Skywalker and his intrepid pals competing in a special Carbon Freezing Chamber edition of Stars in Their Eyes where Darth Vader finally lives out his dreams of being Grace Jones.

10. Toy Movies

Don't listen “the academy” or your “buddies”, Trainspotting, The English Patient and Titanic were utter garbage. That is until Adam and Joe got their hands on them. Cardboard sets, cuddly toys as actors and a side-splitting dissection of everything shit about the subject matter turned these two hour snore-orgies into magisterial works of art you could make in your own bedroom. It wasn't just films either, their stab at Friends managed to be more entertaining in 4 minutes than the series was in it's 200 and something episodes.

The Adam and Joe Show is on 6 Muisc from 10-1 every Saturday

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