So, it's official - My Chemical Romance are no more.
I've been a fan since my precious teenage years and I'm now what is classed as an adult. I'm so so far removed from the chubby 15 year old girl with greasy hair and terrible fashion sense who repeatedly listened to "I'm Not Okay" alone in her bedroom because no one got her that sometimes, it's hard to believe we're the same person. Now, I pay rent, have a job, play guitar in a band and I even wash my hair (although I still maintain my penchant for dying it red)! I'm officially a grown up and a pretty happy one at that.
And yet, at the age of 24, the news came through that this band have broken up, and suddenly, I felt exactly like that lonely 15 year old girl again.
I'm sad because we'll never get to hear the new music they've been working on lately. I'm sad because I'll never get to see them perform live again. I'm sad because they've been such a huge part of my life that I honestly don't know what I would have done without them.
But then I sat down and I looked at all the ways this band touched my life; not just in the music but in my art. My writing. My friends. My tattoo. My music. Heck, even my guitar (which is, of course, the Frank Iero custom designed Phantomatic!)!
And you know what? I can't imagine my life without all this stuff in it it. It wouldn't be right. There would just be an empty hole in the place of it all.
This band has been with me since I was a teenager and all the way through some of the most utmost sucky times and some of the best too. I've learn so much from them, and I'm a better, stronger person from it all. I learnt to not give a fuck what people think of me. I learnt that it's OK to love something that little bit too much because it's REAL to you, even if no one else understands that. I learnt that it's OK to be me - ALL of me - even the fucked up parts.
And it's OK to be fucked up because you're not alone, and you never will be.
I will never forget or regret the things I've done for this band - Two years ago, I got the ray guns from their fourth studio album, Danger Days: the true lives of the fabulous Killjoys tattooed on my foot, and one of things I've always been told is "You'll regret that." Well, you know what? The things my tattoo stood for yesterday, it still stands for today. It reminds me to be fearless. It reminds me that world is ugly but art will always be a weapon. It reminds me to never take myself too seriously. I cannot bring myself to regret something that has had such a positive effect on me as a person or something that is a tribute to the great times that I've had because of this band. (For example, one of my happiest memories is when my best friend and I managed to sneak into a sold out MCR gig two years ago that we didn't have tickets for - we ended up on the third row and we both caught one of Frank Iero's guitar picks at the end of the night!)
So please, to all my fellow My Chemical Romance fans, don't be sad that the band are over. My Chemical Romance are no longer with us but maybe it's time we started to face this big scary world all by ourselves. They've held our hand and guided us through the past 12 years, now it's time we stood alone. And we CAN do it because all the friendships we made? All the ways their music touched us? All the ways they inspired us? THAT is still there, and nothing can take that away. Nothing can stop us from still getting that little bit of happiness of a crappy day by blasting out I'm Not Okay. Nothing can stop us from still getting inspiration from the music. Nothing can stop the friendships we've all made with each other over the years enduring. Nothing can take away what they've done for us and how they've shaped us and... yeah, I guess - saved us.
Because, as they said themselves, you only live forever in the lights you make. When we were young, we used to say that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break. Now we are the kids from yesterday.