Nicki Minaj: The Song's Terrible But Her Ass In The Video Is Fantastic

The song is just a little bit meh. But be prepared to be blown away by the video...
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The song is just a little bit meh. But be prepared to be blown away by the video...

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Yesterday, Nicki Minaj dropped the scintillating music video for “Anaconda.”

Minaj borrows heavily from Sir Mix-A-Lot’s worshipful Baby Got Back, centering the song around the “My anaconda don’t want none, If you ain’t got buns hun,” bar, borrowing the opening dialogue between the valley girls ogling an ample butt, and sampling the thick girl code of arms, “Little in the middle, But she got much back”.

In comparison to her other single Pills and Potions, this latest effort seems lazy. The Mix-a-Lot sample is over used, the production is disjointed, and Minaj’s finish to the track is just her rambling about her “big fat ass.” At over four and a half minutes long, it’s a bit of a mess.

But what this song lacks in listenability, it more than makes up for in pure, raw, uncut, sex appeal. If Minaj had been alive during Ancient Greece, her ass would have started the Trojan War. The video is puberty-inducingly sexy. It will be the subject of study at many 6th grade boy sleepovers.

Perhaps the spot for Anaconda in music lore is alongside music video songs like These Boots are Made for Walkin and  Call on Me for which sound is unnecessary to fully enjoy the video.

Although Anaconda won’t match Fancy’s success simply because Azalea’s smash hit is quantitatively and qualitatively better, the Anaconda music video outdoes anything by Azalea, or any other female artist for that matter, in the sex department by a mile. Nicki has raised the bar of leaving nothing to the imagination. Minaj may no longer be sole standard bearer for female Hip-Hop artists, but there certainly is no one better at dropping jaws.

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This music video is the equivalent of the Kendrick Lamar’s vicious Control verse. Nicki’s ode to her ass is a taunt to her competitors. With this video, she has declared herself the Queen of Donk. All previous models of curviness are obsolete. She has achieved the maximum gluteus maximus.

In Sir Mix-A-Lot’s own words: “To the beanpole dames in the magazine, you ain’t it Ms. Thing.” If the skinny magazine model era was not already over, Nicki officially killed it. What started with Kim Kardashian has been completed with this music video. Our sexual tastes have changed. The era of the Big Booty is in full swing and Minaj has declared herself bandleader of this twerking parade.

This choice by Minaj is, as Pepper Brooks would say, a bold strategy. Minaj is now 31. Regardless of her current mind-bending sex appeal, Father Time will eventually turn Minaj from Aphrodite into a mortal female. If Minaj wants her career to extend into her forties, she will have to shy away from out-assing her competitors and focus more on out-spitting them.

But, Minaj can pull this off. She didn’t become the alpha female of the rap game just by having an outlandishly large behind. One merely needs to look to her dual personality verse on Kanye West’s Monster, where she makes Jay-Z’s feature look like something mumbled at a private school open mic. Her experience and talent will carry her long after her booty-shaking prime.

Just like Yeezus was the last barbaric yawp from a man ending his sexual escapades and settling down with a family, “Anaconda” is the triumphant flaunting of Nicki’s legendary curves at the peak of her sexual prowess before she begins her inevitable physical decline.

There have been challengers to Minaj’s throne, but Anaconda has solidified her place on this generation’s sex icon Mount Rushmore.