Penelope Cruz's sister Monica is the face of Agent Provocateur and she seems to have the minerals for the job. But for every Spanish temptress there is a Neil Connery...
The world of famous people is littered with famous people’s siblings. Some have normal jobs, like lawyers, painters, bar owners, hoteliers, phone operators, sandwich manufacturers, plumbers, police officers. Whilst others look at the heady world that their siblings are enjoying – with all the snazzy holidays, the expensive drugs, the frenzied intercourse – and they decide to have a pop at being a celebrity themselves. Unfortunately, things rarely pan out as expected. Just ask this little lot below. Missing the cut for being a fraction too successful were Jim Belushi (brother of John), Paul Ross (brother of Jonathan), Casey Affleck (brother of Ben), and Kevin Dillon (brother of Matt). Dannii Minogue can thank her recent X Factor profile boost for sparing her the crippling humiliation…
1. Neil Connery (above)
If you like Sean Connery, but you’ve seen all his films at least fourteen times each, then you might be wise to plunder through the Neil Connery back catalogue. He’s Sean’s younger brother, who cashed in on his sibling’s Bond fame in the late 1960s – appearing in a film called Operation Kid Brother. Since then, his career ascent has been rather flaccid, peaking with a minor role in Taggart in 1989. He still looks a bit like Sean.
2. Don Swayze
Don Swayze’s face is like a caricature of his late brother, Patrick’s face. You’d be tempted to suggest that they were separated at birth, were that particular statement not almost devoid of any sense. He started life as a sexy dancer in the John Travolta vehicle, Urban Cowboy, and has gone on to poke his head around the door in great TV shows, like Murder She Wrote, and Renegade. Plus, he recently had the chance to star alongside his brother in a movie about strippers called Powder Blue. His role: “Bouncer”.
3. Andrew Wilson
Andrew has been dealt a double cock-punch, with both of his younger brothers – Owen and Luke – blazing quite a trail around Hollywood. Even a mangled nose and a limp suicide attempt couldn’t mar Owen’s career trajectory. Yet, Andrew still plugs away in poor man’s versions of better films, like Church Ball – a terrible re-imagining of Dodgeball. Although, that said, his brothers have been kind enough to throw him some scraps, casting him in tiny, trigger-finger-on-the-pause-button roles in Rushmore, Idiocracy, and The Royal Tenenbaums.
4. Frankie Gaye
Oh, the japes they used to play! During one gig, Marvin thought it would be hilarious to send his little brother, Frankie, out onto the stage to pretend to be him. Everyone cheered. Then the real Marvin appeared, and everyone stopped cheering, and began looking blankly at one another, totally baffled. Two Marvins? Just what the HELL was going on? Great gags, wonderful times. And aside from amusing Marvin as a visual prank, Frankie also carved out a small niche as a solo singer. In that he released two singles (one is below). The word on the street is that it was Frankie’s tales of fighting in ‘nam that inspired Marvin to pen What’s Going On.
5. Dedee Pfeiffer
Dedee (pronounced “dee-dee”) is Michelle’s little sister, and she’s something of a fire cracker. While Michelle squeezed herself into a shiny black catsuit in that Batman film, Dedee went one better and took all of her clothes off for Playboy. That was in 2002. Before that she’d supported the great Susanna Hoffs in The Allnighter, before taking minor roles in magnificent television programmes, like Seinfeld, Friends, and CSI something-or-other. Like her sister, she’s been known to do the odd thriller.
6. Daniel Baldwin
For a while there, back around the 1990s, it looked like the Baldwin Brothers were going to take over Hollywood. There was Alec, with his matinee idol hair cut. Billy with the lazy bedroom eyes. Stephen, who was about to lay down some serious acting chops in The Usual Suspects. And then there was Daniel, the second oldest, who had scored a role as a Vietnam veteran in Born on The Fourth of July. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out. Since then, Alec has forced himself back on track with an inspired turn in 30 Rock, while Billy is carving a niche on TV, Stephen has gone Jesus-crazy, and Daniel now oscillates between roles on shows like Celebrity Fit Club, and I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! They did. He was the second to go.
7. Frank Stallone
Sly’s little brother, Frank, started life as a singer – the word on the street being that he had something of the Sinatra about him. Sadly, things didn’t quite pan out, musically speaking, so Frank followed his brother onto the big screen. Or, more truthfully, he went straight to video in movies like The Pink Chiquitas, Outlaw Force, Terror in Beverly Hills (below), and the Roller Blade Seven series. On the plus side, he has put in some recent sterling work in Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! And he even did a turn in Sly’s abominable remake of Get Carter. He played “guy at funeral”.
8. Charlie Murphy
While his brother Eddie was kicking up a storm on Saturday Night Live in the early 1980s, Charlie Murphy was doing his bit in the navy. Hence, his introduction to the swishy world of famous people didn’t really kick off until the late 1980s. He had a couple of small roles in decent films - Mo Better Blues – before presumably wandering around the streets of LA getting frequently mistaken for his funnier sibling. In some ways, he’s had the last laugh, as while Eddie has become gradually more dire, he put in some solid work on Chappelle’s Show, voiced a few lucrative video games, and will soon be doing the whole poor man’s Eddie Murphy schtick in something called Get Your Basketball On.
9. Mia Tyler
In real life, Mia looks a bit like her half-sister Liv Tyler staring into one of those funny mirrors that they have at traveling fun fairs. You know the ones – you’re really skinny in one area of the room, totally gorgeous in another, then a little on the podgy side over in the corner. They’ve rather lost their appeal since people discovered Photoshop, and special effects. Still, that’s what she looks like. Regardless, she has done wonders for bigger ladies around the world, by being chunky, but really quite beautiful. She’s a plus-size model, that Mia Tyler.
12. Joe Estevez
Joe is a member of the Hollywood dynasty that gave us his brother, Martin Sheen, then Martin’s children, Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. And, according to his biography, Joe likes to star in “Independent Films”, which, sadly, is often a euphemism for total dross. He’s never quite caught fire, metaphorically speaking. Although he did star alongside Frank Stallone in The Roller Blade Seven. And Return of The Roller Blade Seven. And The Legend of The Roller Blade Seven. Unfortunately, we seem to have missed that particular legend.
13. Carolyn Franklin
Carolyn was Aretha’s youngest sister, who started her professional life as a backing singer for her enormously popular sibling. Still, she did have a crack at the big time, with a couple of solo albums – neither of which did anything to set her apart from her sister’s looming brilliance. She’s a bit like Solange in that sense. That said, we absolutely adore the below track, even if her voice can’t touch Aretha’s. She died in 1988 of the dreaded cancer.
14. Brian Doyle-Murray
Brian is Bill Murray’s older brother, and he might just be a recognisable face to fans of Saturday Night Live, or any of the National Lampoon’s films. He turned up in quite a few Chevy Chase outings, and Bill seemingly fixed him a few roles in movies like Caddyshack, Scrooged, Ghostbusters II, and Groundhog Day. Yet, somehow, we feel like we’ve never seen him before. Weird.
15. Eric Douglas
Michael Douglas has made some wonderful films. There was Romancing The Stone, Basic Instinct, the one about the guy who goes mental on his way to work. He’s a fine actor. Eric, meanwhile, couldn’t quite cash in on the Douglas name with quite the same oozing ease as Michael, and went on to take small roles in big movies with children references in the title, like The Golden Child and The Flamingo Kid, before trying his hand as a stand up comedian, and eventually bidding a rather premature farewell to this mortal coil by knocking back pain killers and swigging a few alcoholic drinks when he was 46. Below, he’s the blonde guy in Student Confidential, which looks like a wonderful film.
16. Chad Lowe
For those who haven’t put two and two together, Chad is Rob Lowe’s brother. And he’s done pretty well for himself, apparently. He starred as an AIDS sufferer in a popular US show called Life Goes On, and he was married to Hilary Swank for about ten years. Unfortunately for Chad, he will always be remembered as the husband that Swank forgot to mention during her thank you speech at the 2000 Oscars. And, really, if even your wife can’t remember who you are…