Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

Rebekah Brooks Walks Free: Here's 5 Alternative Jobs For The Former Tabloid Editor

by Rebecca Lomax
24 June 2014 33 Comments

She's somehow managed to walk free from court while Andy Coulson stares down the barrel of a lengthy stretch, so we've scoured the job market for the woman who made even Ross Kemp look tolerable...

Simply_Red_crop

Despite her ‘not guilty’ verdict, the UK has collectively declared Rebekah Brooks morally bankrupt, so you’ll assume she’s going to need a new career. Lets look at at her options….

Endorsing Hair Products

Two words people — hair straighteners. Lets face it, us UK ladies are more than happy for people of questionable judgement to peddle us hair based goods.  If Cheryl ‘I’ll turn a blind eye to endless cheating’ Cole can flog us hair products, anyone can. So long as we end up with tresses to be proud of we’re not really arsed who’s doing the endorsing.  Go on Rebekah, you’re not worth it, but if a company can invent something to sort out your barnet we’ll be queuing round the block to buy it.

Starting a Simply Red Tribute Band

Yes, yes I know it’s an obvious joke, but therein lies the problem.  This is so obvious it’s a wonder she’s not doing this already for a bit of beer money on the weekends.  For the sake of humanity this one is to be discouraged at all costs.  Rebekah Brooks has caused so much ill feeling already that this would be a really low blow.  That said, she does seem to enjoy the sound of her own voice. Beks could make a few quid if she used her set of pipes to belt out a tune instead of spewing forth more unwelcome news.  Either way she’s going to be inflicting unspeakable horror on people who really don’t deserve it.

More…

The End Of The News Of The World Is A Beautiful Thing

Murdoch, Brooks And The Inhumane End Of The News Of The World

Next Seasons Apprentice Nob

Katie Hopkins, Stuart Baggs please hand back your ‘Apprentice Tosser’ titles we’ve found ourselves a new Apprentice hate figure to end all hate figures.  Rebekah could regale Lord Sugar with her corporate experience and unfathomably win him over with her gutsy attitude, while we the viewer cringe behind the sofa and spew forth hatred at her all over again on Twitter.  Given her limpet like quality of staying somewhere she’s not wanted would Shuggs even be able to fire her?

Pantomime Villain

Legend has it that the panto stages are paved with gold.  It can be the only explanation for celebrity types, who are seemingly sane for eleven months of the year, ditching their morals and getting their ‘Widow Twanky’ on every December.  It probably can’t compete with a chief executives salary but Mrs Brooks must be used to the jeering and boos by now which makes her ideally equipped for the role of panto-villain.  Though I’m not sure parents bellowing out a stream of bile-laden expletives instead of ‘It’s behind you’ will make the experience a memorable one for children of any age.

I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

Reality TV has become the televised rest home for the unwanted and unloved of the media.  Many arrive in the hopes of relaunching a career only to realise there’s a very good reason they lost that career in the first place — they are loathsome and beyond redemption.  It’s also worth noting in recent years not being a celebrity isn’t necessarily going to stop you getting a place in the jungle - I’m looking at you Aggro Santos.  Spending some time with nothing but pests, critters and a selection of celebs Rebekah may have singled out for scoops over the years might be just the lesson she needs in humility.  Add in the endless joy of voting for her to end up neck deep in cockroaches night after night while Ant and Dec look on with smugness and justice may well be served.  I’ll leave it to you to decide just how qualified Rebekah may or may not be to deal with an Australian mammal penis in the Bushtucker trials.

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook

If you like it, Pass it on

image descriptionCOMMENTS

Scotty 9:17 am, 11-Jul-2011

There is something very foxy about her in that photo.

David L 10:52 am, 11-Jul-2011

Well, I'll concede the thought of her being torn apart by a pack of hounds is strangely appealing. She'll survive her current tribulations, most likely by threatening to dish every bit of the dirt she so obviously has on the other members of her greasy little cabal. On a level playing field, she'd be lucky to get a job doing PR for Mary Bell.

Richard Luck 12:24 pm, 11-Jul-2011

You're not wrong, Scotty. She resembles Nicole Kidman after she's just lost a bet.

Phil 1:03 pm, 11-Jul-2011

Well said, Scotty and Richard. I think there's a touch of Janet Weiss (Vice?)/ Susan Saradon from the Rocky Horror Picture Show about her, too. Touch me, I vant to be dirty...

James Ingram 1:35 pm, 11-Jul-2011

I must agree with you, David L. As in all these instances, from high profile cases such as hers down to the anonymous middle-ranking civil servant caught doing whatever it is they shouldn't have been doing, it appears that 'the system' or 'the establishment' has a remarkable capacity to circle its wagons, close ranks and button their lips until the storm passes, and then they resurface in a 'new' (sideways promoted) capacity somewhere else. Had she sanctioned what she had sanctioned, or an equivalent, in a 'lowly' job, she'd have been looking at a stretch at Her Majesty's Pleasure. As things stand, she'll tough it out, go on holiday to the Seychelles for a couple of weeks, and David Cameron's 'Big Society' will fail, as these schemes have done since time immemorial, to bring her or News International to heel. Murdoch's bid for BSkyB will probably be a done deal by the beginning of the football season.

Tim Hutton 3:13 pm, 11-Jul-2011

T'Pau tribute band or BMX Bandits remake. Either way, she is smouldering in that pic.

Scotty 3:33 pm, 11-Jul-2011

If she does go down, she'll know the drill - she is no stranger to the clink. Spent 8 hours in a cell in London charged with ABH after busting Ross Kemp's gob. I really need to stop fancying her, the horrible cow.

Blake Carrington 7:49 pm, 11-Jul-2011

You know, for all her conniving wrong doing and blatant disregard for the sanctity of press freedom in this country... I probably still would.

RipTheMichael 7:49 pm, 11-Jul-2011

Make her police chief she'd fit straight in. Morally bankrupt, self serving, incompetent and a thug as well. In fact perfect copper role model

Anon 9:57 pm, 11-Jul-2011

I have it on good authority that she is in possession of a video of an 'extremely famous' father and son - vigerously blowing each other. Procured when invited to 'eyes wide shut' style ritual ceremony for the major undergrounders. She vidded undercover and unsuspectingly secured the single most shocking image anyone has ever seen ( due to who they are, to the world, and eachother!) It is this that has made her revered and untouchable. I believe I am one of less than 10 people who know this and feel like breaking it... Where is the NOTW when you need it?

Phredd 5:36 pm, 12-Jul-2011

Oy, she reminds me (quite a bit) of a past girlfriend... a literally insane banshee from Hell.

Jay Peanut 1:01 pm, 13-Jul-2011

By golly those damn redheads know how to set the world on fire. She is smoking hot!

mary ann ball 11:12 am, 15-Jul-2011

May be a bit of competition from Andrea Hill, late CEO of Suffok County Council UK; SHE has a £218,000 pay off to keep her in hair dos and handbags, but would be a fierce opponent.

Scotty 11:35 am, 15-Jul-2011

MAB - I've just moved to Suffolk and predictably when I saw Andrea Hill in the paper I did think "phwor". I need help.

Big Al 2:01 pm, 15-Jul-2011

I don't think she'll need another job, she'll just be dragged back to hell by Satan and put to work torturing the damned.

Ninian Reid 4:39 pm, 15-Jul-2011

Rebecca Lomax, you're an absolute star. My sides are splitting. What an epic demolition job.

richard 5:29 pm, 15-Jul-2011

maybe star as Sideshow Bob in the inevitable Simpsons musical?

Richard Mahony 5:32 pm, 15-Jul-2011

The posts are spot on pointing out what a foxy looking critter Rebekah Brooks is. Beks is by all accounts the consummate networker, with a devastating mix of charm, ambition and ruthlessness. Moreover, as we all know, most successful charmers are good lookers. Not all of course - Casanova apparently wasn't; George Sands wasn't. Nevertheless, these last had something else - extraordinary pizazz and personality, in Sands' case coupled with extraordinary talent. According to her current entry in Who's Who, Brooks is a "Founder Member and President of Women in Journalism". The latest blog entry on the Women in Journalism website of 13th June 2011, by Kittie Corrigan, is entitled "Is the media more male than ever?" Corrigan opens with: "It is possible for women to get to the top in the press, and it is possible to have a well-balanced home life. But not both at the same time. This was the conclusion of a Women in Journalism event at the Hay Festival on Saturday 4 June. Rosie Boycott and Anne Robinson related stories of their early days in a male newsroom, and Gaby Wood contributed a modern-day perspective." Strangely, no mention of Brooks, without a doubt the UK's most successful woman in the media of recent times. Perhaps because Beks didn't, and doesn't, fit easily the worn out stereotype of woman juggling home and career. And of course, well, because she's just too darned foxy.

Martin 5:41 pm, 15-Jul-2011

Well, she is bloody scary. Can I suggest we send her as the UK's reprsentative at the World Rottweiler games.

BigRed1 6:18 pm, 15-Jul-2011

I would much rather see her getting a job that her obvious talents merit. licking toilets clean springs to mind as she's so used to the smell the taste wouln't be too much of a shock, at least not until she got "promoted" to the incontenence ward...

jon 7:11 pm, 15-Jul-2011

you left one out: playing in porn movies as a sluty boss.

Neil Brooks 9:00 pm, 15-Jul-2011

...too much ginger hair. too much. toofucking much.seems her boat and bod are so fucking plain/drab/shapeless, silly mare decides to grow her barnet. and grow it. and grow it. time to be sick in a bucket...

Arthur O Hara 2:45 pm, 16-Jul-2011

Is her christian name Rebekah or Rebecca. If it was once the latter why was it changed. Based on older images - did she also have enhancing surgery to her facial features?

mary ann ball 4:11 pm, 17-Jul-2011

Just in case,(and guess we have to respect the rule of law) have been checking out local prisons: Eastwood Park in Gloucestershire does preparation for future work in industrial cleaning. PS Scotty,I am sure you don't need help re the Ice Queen Andrea Hill unless you've actually met her or had to work for her.

Will 7:12 pm, 11-May-2012

RM - I'm with you on that... Beks is a fox! That's all.

Colonel Willowby-Gore St. Johns 9:00 am, 12-May-2012

I'd like to see her to made low budget Ukrainian language skin flicks, with a bias toward midgets.

Colonel Willowby-Gore St. Johns 9:00 am, 12-May-2012

*make

Scotty 9:49 am, 12-May-2012

Nadine Dorries as well. Sorry.

Scotty 12:19 pm, 15-May-2012

Anon - If she is "in possession of a video of an 'extremely famous' father and son - vigerously blowing each other" she's leaving it a bit late - when do you think she'll play that card - the day she gets sent down?

Suburban Bushwacker 7:38 am, 14-May-2013

So evil and yet somehow so hot. "would you like to come round for a country supper" has to be the euphemism of the decade. So evil, so hot, must resist

Cloris Leachman 12:57 pm, 24-Jun-2014

Arthur she was allegedly advised spelling too Jewish! I mean she is a member of Sam Cam elite. Ain't British justice wonderful. Be Proud.

sadly disappointed 1:15 pm, 24-Jun-2014

Rebekah Brooks walks free, something stinks on that verdict

Lom 10:59 pm, 25-Jun-2014

I'd say she has a fanny like a canoe at this stage. She's been rode hard that old pony.

Leave a comment

People image description SABOTAGE

1