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Coke, Pizza & Threesomes: How To Make A Good Girl Bad Again
I used to be fun, I used to go out, I was a bad girl. Now I sit about writing about how boring I am, here's how you can help me...
Ever wondered what happened to that girl at uni who used to be out every night and ask you back home to steal more of your drugs and have sex to some Minor Threat record?
Well, she’s sat writing about how boring she is becoming.
Some girls now have husbands and babies and real jobs and have to be responsible. Yes, its called growing up but when you don’t have husbands and babies and real jobs, you think, I’M NOT A GROWN UP YET! WHY AM I ACTING LIKE ONE?!
I have spent the past couple of years cutting down my intake of fun to produce what you see today.
Mostly because I thought that if I acted good I would get a man and be really healthy and have lots of money and I would be happier… I have just become BORING with none of the above!
Please grab the girl and stuff her full of coke, penis and pizza
YOU can help these poor girls.
Here’s how to spot the reply of a bad girl trying to be good and how to overcome their bullshit:
1. (this will help with 2)
“Wanna go in on some coke?”
“No, I don’t really take drugs anymore, have a good night!”
Listen if she puts emphasis on ‘really’ and ‘anymore’.
That’s the cue to go “c’mooonnnnn, you know you wanna!!! You have been SO GOOD recently”.
And she will give in.
2.
“You and your friend wanna stay at mine tonight?”
“Nahhh, I’m seeing someone. It’s only been like 3 weeks but, no”
She made sure you know it wasn’t anything serious by saying how long she had been with him.
She wanted to seem good but this is your cue to say,
“3 weeks?! That’s not seeing someone, you are still fully single so DON’T FEEL BAD and lets have some fun!!” And she will give in.
3.
“Wanna order a pizza?”
“I’m on a diet. Could we just go out for sushi instead?”
You have both just had sex and are in bed feeling pretty cosy.
You no way wanna get dressed and go out.
Tell her that the dancing and sex burnt off lots of calories so it’s like a NO CALORIE TREAT!
WE LOVE TREATS!! And she will give in.
Basically when you hear these answers please grab the girl and stuff her full of coke, penis and pizza and she may realise that having a little bit of naughtiness is more fun than sitting at home wondering what recipe to learn to impress a man into thinking she is a good housewife.
Well I hope I have helped some girls out.
AND MEN! YOU WILL FEEL SO GOOD KNOWING YOU HELPED US WOMEN OUT!
(In no way will these answers work on me. I’m still trying to be good ok)
This article originally appeared on imtryingok. Follow Sarah on twitter @sarahpenneyuk
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COMMENTS
You're right about your being boring, at any rate. Frothy nonsense.
you go girl.
terrible article, waste of my time
Ya beat me to it Jimi, it don't matter how much coke, penis and pizza this girl ingests, she's going to be boring.
What a pile of utter shite....
I'm sorry but what is this trying to prove? That all girls will have sex with you for coke if you say “c’mooonnnnn, you know you wanna"? This is just plain stupid and sends out a pretty weird message. I hate to be one of those guys that says shit like this in comment sections, but for once I think it might actualy be true. I think the writer just needs to get laid. This article is the equivilent of an awkwardly desperate facebook status.
Haha. Having just come back to Sab Times (after having abandoned it a few months ago because the writing was unequivocally dire), it's oddly disheartening to see things have gotten worse. Also, inexplicably, just flicked through this girl's blog too. I'm sure she's a lovely human being but her online persona is everything that is stinky about the internet. You don't live in a rom-com dear, sorry. Nobody is watching you read naked while eating an apple and listening to opera, so I'd stop pretending that that is something you do.
Haha. Boys. Its just a funny and silly article :) don't get your panties in a twist. I like!
Well Said Ted, you seem to take life far too seriously and are pretending to be a comment box AA Gill. Cheer up.
spangulated@hotmail.com.... I'm a sex addicted coke dealer who lives above a pizza shop. Get in touch, you ain't gonna make it as a writer, but you'll make it my movies
I don't think you guys are getting her humor. Go to the sport section.
Only if you are buying and leaving when its finished.
We used to rely on women like this when all the decent lasses had turned you down. Get yourself a bit o' chisel and proceed to 'pull' Ms Penney et al. In all but name....
Hello author, please explain where the humour is in this article, I think it is a pile of shit, but may be missing the joke.
You use to be a cocaine bingeing sket, who misses being a cocaine bingeing sket, well done you, I bet your parents are proud!
Dontcha just hate it when a bunch of limp dick bed wetters, don't get satire?
You and your friend want to come do some coke and eat, erm, pizza?
SABOTAGE
