Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?Sabotage Times, We can't Concentrate so Why Should You?

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Homemade Sex Toys: Ways To Do It To Yourself

by Julie Vick
23 October 2013 53 Comments

Why spend your money on expensive sex toys when you can have a great time using stuff lying around the house? Blue Peter has nothing on this shit...

DIY Sex Toys

Nothing bothers me more than unhinged capitalism. I hate being sold something I can easily make myself. I hate giving money to some shitty corporation when I don’t have to. It’s because I’m punk rock. And cheap. Yesterday at Petsmart I almost had a Falling Down breaking-point moment (seriously, why is dog toothpaste 10 times more expensive than people toothpaste? This will not stand!). In that spirit, here are some DIY sex toys.

Homemade Fleshlight

This one’s fun because you get to eat an entire sleeve of Pringles or Lays Stax first; it’s kind of like taking yourself on a dinner date. It pleases me that on an Internet Paintball forum young men are debating exactly which potato by-product snack-chip container is better to use as a simulated vagina. Username “Skater” prefers the Stax, as they “hold up better.” In addition to the container (why not a tennis ball sleeve, or a hyper-emasculating Quaker Oats tub?) you need foam rubber, a condom, a 1 1/4″ o-ring, scissors, and a marker (this is so you can draw realistic labia onto your fleshlight). Step one is a simple “empty the chips out of the can”. Give them to your girlfriend, even.


Full instructions here

Homemade Real Doll

Who hasn’t wanted a Real Doll? If I ever get rich I’m totally getting a Real Doll that looks just like me made. It’ll be like a twisted, opposite-day version of Dorian Gray. “You name the appendage and chances are some porn star has theirs immortalized in rubber…We decided to take things to their logical conclusion. What would happen if you put all these parts together and tried to build a person?” asks an anonymous contributor over at This happens:


P.S. “Fiberglass mannequins are easier to find, but more expensive and harder to modify, plus you run the risk of inhaling fiberglass particles when you cut into them.” So, that’s something to think about.

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Carps 3:57 pm, 27-Apr-2012

You didn't hear this from me, right? A jamjar and some liver. That's all I'm saying. Also: that's the funniest article I've read this week and I've just spat tea into my keyboard at work over that Pringles tube. Thanks.

Snowy 12:15 pm, 11-Sep-2012

Dog toothpaste dosen't foam like normal toothpaste does because canines can't spit out.

Colin 1:11 am, 18-Sep-2012

An inflated armband and some baby oil is all that is required.

rocky 9:51 am, 24-Jan-2013

hwo make sex toys for home

luke 4:23 am, 18-Mar-2013

why don't they just sell sex toys in the toy asle at walfart

Sweetie143 8:25 am, 27-Mar-2013

My husband and I have been making our own stuff at home. Yesterday we made a spreader bar out of a pair of clutches. $10 vs. $130 is a no brainer and I think they are just as good, if not better, than the ones we saw at the adult shop.

nitu 5:49 am, 9-May-2013

Hollow sir I am nitu 53 years old married man from assam (India). My penis is not big and not getting hard during fuckung. So I want make home made sex toys for man and I also want to make cock ring. Can u plz teel me how I will make home made sex toy and cock ring. If u tell me how to make it then I will be ever grate full to you sir. I am waiting for ur reply.As I like also gay sex My mail address is Regards Nitu

Funky Rocker 8:15 pm, 11-Jun-2013

Wow - if you REALLY want to make your own sex toy, check out They have plans to build your own single or double dildo sex rocker. Its Awesome!

Emilee 7:02 am, 14-Jun-2013

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sara 11:43 pm, 14-Jul-2013

heyy guys im a girl and im kinda horny anyone wanna talk dirty

sara 11:44 pm, 14-Jul-2013

hey im a girl someone wanna fuck my pussy

Landon 8:38 am, 25-Jul-2013

hey Sara i will ;) send me a message

Bob 5:32 am, 28-Jul-2013

Hi shara I'm horney to

john 9:58 am, 31-Jul-2013

hi sara, hit me up at my mailbox lets get started

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sara and emily pls mail me your contact details ats

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Benny Valhalla 3:39 pm, 10-Sep-2013

hahaha i wanna fuck all your pussies yes,but at least this pringles tube aint gonna make small whiney pringles tubes for me to pretend to care about/feed etc...

shahid 9:13 pm, 25-Sep-2013

hi, i wana fuck a lady girl

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Who wants to FUCK~?

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tyler 4:42 am, 4-Oct-2013

has any body seen a 2 foot penis

jobob' 10:44 am, 10-Oct-2013

i thought this article had 50 way's

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Kalpanaa 9:33 am, 22-Dec-2013

Nice. But its possible ah? India.

Paige69 5:32 am, 13-Jan-2014

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James 4:48 pm, 14-Jan-2014

What an awesome site! You will want to know there is a brand new male sex toy that is out of this world. Check out this hilarious review.

Chris 25 2:08 am, 24-Jan-2014

Hey me and my gf looking for a girl to join us ...... Any offers ? X

Mary 7:53 pm, 28-Jan-2014

Plz someone one come fuck my brains out I need cock bad I want to swallow some hot cum

john 11:30 pm, 29-Jan-2014

this made me explode so hard. lube, 1/4 inch thick foam and bubble wrap using self adhessive foam stick the bubble wrp to it leave a part of the adhessive stick so you can rold the foam into a cone like tube the using lube insert your self and then with thumb and finger press the foam in where the head is as you pull away and then let go for the reinsersion little tricky at first but dam is it worth hope the other flat tennants didnt hear

Mary 7:55 am, 30-Jan-2014

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Hey im looking for someone to send me pics of there dicks or pussy and please make the pussy pics wet i like them drippin wet so i can lick them clean :p>#

Nick D 3:29 am, 1-Mar-2014

Haha in the pringles commercial it even says so many uses

Angel 5:56 am, 25-Mar-2014

This is an odd article... Lolz. I miss the days when my boy friend and I used to go at it. Damn, now I'm sad.

caramel ann 1:00 am, 7-Apr-2014

Hi I'm bi lookin for a girl to fuck ..

marsianor 3:19 pm, 14-Apr-2014

Try this:

notsodesperate 6:59 am, 21-May-2014

I did come here to look up homemade sex toys.. however I found it funny and sad how desperate and illiterate the majority of the commenters are...

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I'm looking for someone here to send me pics of their pussy. Anyone interested?

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