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I Watched Stoke City Beat Bolton But Don't Believe It Happened
I was at Wembley yesterday to see Stoke city hammer Bolton 5-0. But I’m not sure any of what follows happened. Am I dreaming?
Go arrrrnnnnn Stooookkkeeeeee....
I was at Wembley yesterday to see Stoke city hammer Bolton 5-0. But I’m not sure any of what follows happened. Am I dreaming?
Yesterday did not happen.
Stoke City supporters did not outnumber Bolton Wanderers fans by nearly 2-1 to render Wembley a seething, heaving molten mass of red and white.
Robert Huth did not throttle Kevin Davies in the penalty area in the first 5 minutes and get away with it.
Paul Robinson did not emphatically confirm his position as one of the least talented footballers ever to have a professional career by casually passing the ball infield to Matty Etherington 22 yards out on 11 minutes.
And matty didn’t meet it so unbelievably sweetly he left one of the best keepers the premiership has seen grasping at thin air as he buried it in the bottom right hand corner of the net.
36,000 Stoke City fans did not then give a rendition of Delilah that must have been heard in south London, only to have it cut short 6 minutes later as a poor Cahill header fell on the volley to Robert Huth who faded it away from Jaaskelainen’s despairing, slightly feeble dive and into the very same bottom right hand corner of the net with one swing of his mighty right foot.
I did not then grasp every single man around me and kiss all of them in an orgy of delight despite the fact i’d never met any of them before, apart from my 14 year old son.
Who did not then look at me and go ‘you’re such a loser dad’ with the biggest grin i’ve ever seen on his face.
Nor, on 29 minutes, did Jermaine Pennant nick the ball off Martin Petrov, who promptly gave up the chase in a microcosm of Bolton’s afternoon, allowing pennant to run half the length of the field unchallenged to slip the ball to Jones who finished with, as they say, aplomb.
In no way whatsoever did we all then go absolutely completely and utterly disbelievingly mental at finding ourselves 3-0 up after half an hour in an FA cup semi-final.
I can categorically state that Stoke City didn’t come out for the second half and continue in the same vein so that we never for a single minute looked like conceding a chance let alone a goal.
And there’s not a shred of truth in the rumour that Jon Walters harried and chased and hunted the ball down across every blade of Wembley turf before nicking it in his own half and surging past 3 Bolton players before bending an inch perfect 20 yarder into the seemingly magnetic bottom right hand corner of the net.
It would also be ludicrous to suggest that we should have had at least a couple more before walters finally made it 5-0 after wilko hilariously fell over his own feet and accidentally diverted the ball into super jon’s path.
Finally, anyone who says we celebrated long and loud and lustily long after the final whistle had gone both inside and outside the stadium and all the way onto the m40 is a downright liar.
None of this, not a single, solitary word of it, actually happened.
Because believe me, after 40 long years watching Stoke City, I know that nothing like this ever, ever, ever happens to us.
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COMMENTS
sky sports news didnt mention this result for 30 minutes this morning as they went on and on about arsenal drawing with liverpool. the only reference in that time was when they ran through the fixtures to the end of the season and mentioned city playing stoke in the final. yes they dont have the rights to it but that is whats wrong with the fa cup right there.
Congratualations, as a Wolves fan I know the feeling. It might happen every season or so for the glory hunters but for proper fans its only once or twice in a lifetime. Enjoy the final - Man City won theirs by beating United (I wonder why all the MU fans left so fast at the end as most of them live in London anyway) ps yesterday was made even better seeing the sad faces of the pathetically few fans Noblot could get together especially those with their cretinous signs saying one an only Wanderers. I suggest they go home and look up which Wanderers have won the the league, fa cup, league cup, been to a European final (or lost 5-0 in a semi final come to that) and then get their old gold and black paint out and support the proper Wanderers.
Really, really good piece. Wasn't able to watch the game yesterday but absolutely chuffed for you. Colleague of mine who's a Stokie came in with a smile as big as a...well, it was big! Delighted Stoke are in the final and hoping you trounce those Mancs. Finally, it's an absolute travesty that the game wasn't on 'proper' telly. Who the hell subscribes to ESPN anyway?
Really good piece. Could'nt make it yesterday, but did watch on ESPN. I'm a Bolton fan, and taking nothing away from Stoke I cannot believe how bad we were. We looked like a team of frightened rabbits staring into the headlights. Good luck for the final. Rather it was us, but do hope you do the same to Citeh.
Got a lot of love for Stoke despite being a Hammer. Good on ya, and I hope you win a victory for the small-money clubs come the final!
i am a stokie a didnt make it to the game but my eyes were glued to the big screen in my local wot a performance go on the lads bring on city
Great piece Jim. Having witnessed your frustrations at following an underperforming club for nearly 30 years, i'm chuffed to bits for you and all the other stokies that it didnt happen!
I was there! Supporter since '76, missed the golden early 70's. My 11-year-old doesn't know his luck - just converted him from a m!*r U!&*d fan (we live there) - he demanded a Stoke scarf after the West Ham quarter final. I've been taking him to Stoke matches but he never wanted a scarf before, now he hasn't worn the other shirt since the West Ham game, and won't take off his brand new Stoke shirt. I thank Tony Pulis and the lads for saving him from it! Now my son will see his team in the FA Cup Final either at Wembley if we can scrabble Final tickets or at the Brit - are they going to put a big screen up?? "and Stoke, Stoke will tear you apart again.."
As a Coventry fan who attended our semi & final in 1987 I know how much it means to the less fashionable clubs to experience moments like this. Savour it as it may not come around again - I've been waiting 24 years...
Very much my experience - with the exception that I don't have a 14 year old son! I stayed at my cousin's in Southwark, coming back home on Monday - getting the tube back, my enjoyment of the day was only added to by the miserable faces on the Arsenal fans!
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