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Made In Chelsea 3.6- Heartbreak And Broken Biscuits
This week the gang descend on Dubai;expect sadness, scandal and Francis marching across the desert astride a white horse...
We know from the trailers that we’re in for some shockers this week. Dubai aside, let’s start with the unholy alliance between Cheska and Rosie. Imagine you’re in a park and you see some golden, leonine retriever bounding up to a snivelling rat of a terrier. To paraphrase Azealia Banks, you might think “I guess that rat getting eaten” but instead of engaging in dog on dog cannibalism, they’re rolling around and the grass sniffing each other’s crotches. This is unprecedented. They’re talking about cross bothering Kimberly, who is so gorgeous she only has eyes for God but is causing consternation amongst the Chelsea boys all the same. She’s dating, people are “talking”, Cheska and Rosie are slut shaming. “I want to slap her around the face and say the c word, not gonna lie” yaps Rosie, attempting to whip her hair back and forth and failing to slap her own face. Does she mean the traditional C word-or Christian? Kimberly, barricade yourself back into Church! Burn all your Lipsy dresses and put on some unflattering chinos! Rosie knows where you can buy them.
Are you a fan of Daisy’s Made In Chelsea reviews? To read more, you need to buy the Wickedly Unofficial Guide To Made In Chelsea eBook. The book is a hilarious and detailed guide to the entire series. For more information go here
Made In Chelsea 3.3- Jonesin’ For Jamie
Made In Chelsea 3.5: Romance In The Roller Disco
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COMMENTS
I never thought I'd say this, but you've actually made me want to watch Made in Chelsea. Brilliant piece.
I'm still reeling from the shock of sweet little Jamie Biscuits calling Louise a 'fucking bitch' (albeit with massive justification). The sound is burned into my cochlea forever. It's the sound of lost innocence. Made in Chelsea is turning dark... next week there'll be some "created for entertainment purposes" violence between Jamie and his nemesis, and by the end of this season, one of the cast will be buried under the pavement in Sloane Square.
Thank you! Jen, I you're on to something. Also, Proudlock's t shirt acronym-I think it might stand for Show: Dog, Pony.
Spencer, Don't Procreate?
I think it's a spoiler for the final episode of the season - see my theorem, above. Shit! Dead Proudlock.
Absolutely love these articles about MIC, more than I like the actual show! Poor little Jamie Biscuits, Spencer really is a massive wanker. REALLY hope he gets a smack in the mouth.
Theres only one examination – Proudlock is obviously in cahoots with Spencer! He's enlisted him to spy on Jamie. I imagine Spencer’s ultimate goal is to steal the biscuits (He’s obviously starting to miss his double chin. Remember the chin? He used to try to conceal it with some clever beard trimming?) And just look at proudlock – he looks hungry ALL THE TIME. I expect he jumped at the chance to be a hobnob henchman in this biscuit pinching pan. I therefore conclude that proudlock’s message was one of the following... ‘Secret detective proudlock’.....’Spying (to) destroy (the) Pardy' or....’Spencer’s destruction program’.
You just killed me. Seriously, this is hilarious! :)
*Explanation. Oh and *plan. Damn my haste to reveal their evil plot.
Loving your work Miss Daisy!
Excellent piece! I am hoping that Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor QC hits on Natalie in the next episode. Then Hugo can CURSE him in Mordor Elvish and do that exasperated/bored head throw he's been doing all series. T-shirt acronym-wise, I'm staking my entire FTSE portfolio on "Spencer: Deviant Penis".
It's a plea from Proudlock to you......Stop Daisy, please!
Can you write an entire piece on Gabriella's song-writing ahem skills and her voice, please?
I love, Love, LOVE these articles! It's made MIC humorous to watch, rather than just cringeworthy TV. I heart Jamie Biscuits simply because of his new name. Biscuits. Awesome.
If Spencer and Weese didn't really hook up, how mean is it to tell Jamie that they did and when he finds out they didn't, will he and Weese try again? Have the producers ruined their chance of happiness for the sake of a storyline? It made me all sad.. Am I confusing them with real people, Daisy?
Wilson, Boulle and Biscuit - it's a tie so far! OF COURSE they're real! Did I tell y'all that I saw Francis on a bus in South London? That might be the basis of my whole review next week...
Biscuits and Ollie for the finale.
Start Da Pardy?! - well I would but I have no Revels, or even news about free revelling - hell, I couldn't even revel freely :-)
SDP - Advertisement for his new business venture............ 'Silver Dangly Pardypieces'
The Wickedly Unofficial Guide to Made In Chelsea is a collection of the hilarious Sabotage Times reviews by Daisy Buchanan, whose much-anticipated weekly Made In Chelsea write-ups have become an internet sensation and are loved by fans and stars of the show. This take-no-prisoners guide to every episode of Made In Chelsea features a guide to all the characters from the show and celebrates Caggie, Millie, Spencer, Ollie, Binkie and the gang, whilst tenderly poking fun at their pardies, blow drys and home-made sushi fixations. The book is now available to download from SabotageTimes or from Amazon.co.uk and costs just £4. Simply choose between Kindle (Mobi) and Non-Kindle (ePub) click on the Buy Now Pay Pal button and we’ll email you over the book.
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