"If we ever have a run-in I am going to rehabilitate you" is my new favourite ambiguously threatening insult. Jamie Biscuits is cool when he's angry. Spencer should steal even more of his girlfriends. Or he and Hugo could jobshare in the 'crushing Jamie's dreams' stakes. Hugo likes frolicking, after all.

Are Cheska and Noel Fielding twins?

I was always on Team Biscuits, but when he got all angry and shoutey last night I also found him strangely sexy.... My favorite moment last night was Boulle's "I dont think Jesus would only forgive Spencer and not Louise....." It made me think of Jesus sitting on his sofa rooting for a peacful outcome.

I'm so happy you like Jamie Biscuits. Personally, I'm Team Biscuits and find myself feeling very emotional whenever he gets upset. I want him to find a Miss Biscuits to make him happy, like Binky.

There seems to be a groundswell of support for a Binkcuits collaboration. I wonder if they get any say in it. If enough Twitter followers demand it, do they have to bend to public opinion and embark on a torrid affair? If Binky went out with Jamie, she couldn't really be Spencer's agony aunt any longer. That'd learn him, the rotter. Oh dear. I have invested way too much time and emotion in this :/

Love your summaries of the MIC episodes! Truly awesome! You did forget Boulle's best line from last night though! "Jesus was like a superhero, he got shit done." EPIC Boulle!

Hi Guys, i might sound very controversial here, but i don't really care if someone likes my opinion or not..i just enjoy expressing it, so here it is. First of all, what is that show!? I have watched it couple of times, with the edge of my eye whilst cleaning my flat on saturday morning, and... i have no idea what is the purpose of creating shows like that! It is a mixture between Holyoaks and Big Brother, totally pointless! On top of it, you are subjected to watch people who have nothing interesting to say, except who they slept with, how much they spent on themselves, and where is another party. . . to my view, i don't care, because i have my own life to live! I really pity people who would watch that stuff, and it does make me sad, as it proves that others lives must be so miserable, that they need to watch about others... Let me tell you a story, once i was invited to be a part of Big Brother audience show..since i was already in London, and was not sure what to do, i decided to go and see what type of people go there.... during the show it was ok, cause i sat in the last row and did not have to place my views, and thank god to the ones who created it. On the way back home, in a van, i sat at the front, next to the driver, and all what we could hear, was the stories of all people in BB, from the very beginning of the show.... REALLY!!!???? My head was melted after i got out, and me driver just looked at each other, no words were necessary. Now back to Made in Chelsea show, does your head not feel like blowing up after watching it? Why you are even following that? Can you not watch a good DAvid Attenborough documentary, which calms you down and actually educates you!!!! Can you not watch a good comedy show, where you can actually laugh till your tummy is sore . . . Why to trash your brain with shows about Binky, Stinky, and whoever next... Come on people, im sure you have better things to watch, do and talk about :) now, i need to read something interesting now, cause this is beyond the normality... P.S. If you want to get distracted by the entertainment industry, at least go for quality :) thank you P.

I don't know what is more laughable, the twats on the show or the people that watch it.

Each to their own. I'm still going to watch it on sky+ tomorrow evening and dance around watching Spencer turn into JR Ewing. Kind of.

The bit you missed was that Kimberley was dating Diego when she started going on dates with all the other guys from Chelsea. That's why she's a massive slag :)

this is such a brilliant article, so funny!

I have to give it to you... this is absolute blog gold. Actually laughed out loud. well done. @Brandblab

I am all for team Jamie, he's such a sweetheart who put his heart on the line for a girl who is just so stupid to go shag his best friend after calling his last girlfriend 'foolish' to get with him and complaining that this guy just treats girls like shit. Oh but she didn't treat Jamie like shit did she? I tell you, any girl who says they'd pick Spencer over Jamie Is lying. Or blind. Whichever. Louise and Spencer deserve each other. "I've never felt this way about a girl in my life" yeh lol, not about Caggie a month ago. Can't wait for Caggie to come back so Spencer does whats predicted, goes back and Louise is left feeling 'foolish'. They deserve each other, and Jamie deserves a real girlfriend who treats him right...Like me?

This was a brilliant read!!!! Never laughed so much in my life. At the end of the day Rosie is a massive fucking bender

Why didn't Louise stick up for Millie in spa wars? She could have at least said something to the witches of eastwick!!

Brilliant summary! Poor jamie, he should def get with Binky! To the people slatting MIC why are u even reading this? Go and find something to be positive about!

i actually love who wrote this my thoughts excatly keep up the good work!!!!

I don't know what I love more, watching MIC when I'm brain dead on Monday nights or reading Daisy's almighty write ups at work during extended toilet breaks on Tuesdays. Paulina darling, whilst I am sure you are brimming with Attenborough fed factoids and have the best of intentions guiding us all away from the dark side of faux reality television, I can't help hope that if you do 'have your own life to live!' that you might find better ways of spending it than cleaning your flat on Saturday mornings whilst secretly perving on MIC with half a winky eye. I bet you never eat Big Macs in bed or secretly look at the pictures on the Daily Mail website either... embrace the trash Paulina! Just like Jamie gesturing with his pinky finger during heated rows, programs like these are offensive, bewildering and ridiculous but still undeniably, deliciously alluring.

This is amazing writing! I felt as though I was watching MIC all over again! Glad someone shares my views :).

Thank god I found you daisy! You help me make sense of my irrational obsession with mic. Boulle is turning into Jesus.

I hereby propose 'Sleese' for Spencer & Weese as the appropriate name amalgamation...

YES!!!!! Someone appears to hate Rosie as much as I do....am I the only one that's noticed that Jamie Biscuits seems to be the only one EVER to honor the bro code?! I loved this summary, definitely a new Tuesday night read :)

I'm laughing so much I cannot BREATHE. Who wrote this?? You've said everything I've thought, but better. When Francis started in on the Jesus stuff, I swear to God (sorry), I thought I had gone into a portal and was watching an alternate MIC universe. I, too, don't think Jesus would forgive only Spencer and not Louise. I think Jesus would, in this case, make an exception to His forgiving nature, and not forgive either of them. I have no proof, it's just a hunch.

Yeah, the trash is perfectly summarized Suzie :)

Well, to add Suzie, i do try and keep a healthy lifestyle, and i do actually eat Kentucky Fried Chicken sometimes... but prefer some good steak and good wine :) as for Daily mail, i am not a fan of Murdoch fortunately, although still listen to others with interesting gossips :) but overall, i lead a busy life, so on top of channel4 news, different documentaries, i love a good piece of movie :)

Suzie, yeeeeeaaaa boi.

Jays us, you print paulina remonstrating over me comparing Boulle to Jesus?

Absoloutely loved this write up.! Favourite ber add. I think you shoul be employed to the blind commentary for the show like in the odeon ads.. "Victoria turns up stinking of poo and hands an actual carrier bag of poo to Millie"

This is absolutely amazing! So spot on, and hilariously funny. It's the same kind of thing that New York Magazine do where they re-cap Gossip Girl and The Hills. Love it! xx

Awesome write up but it's not spencerlou it's Lou-cer getit??

Kimberly is a slag because she used her ex Diego to get on the show and then started going on dates with Francis, Jamie, Spencer etc while she was still diegos girlfriend. Diego broke up with her after he found out from watching the show that kimberly was unfaithful and they haven't been in contact for a couple weeks until diego emailed binky (his ex-employee) that he wanted to get back in contact with her and then emailed info about kimberley. Hope that helps :) x

AMAZING. Just read all the MIC posts. LOVED THEM. So funny. And I completely agree about liking Jamie after his date with Kimberly!!! Or Jamie Biscuits as I will now call him. Looking forward to your next one :D

Thank you all so much. I'm a bit overwhelmed by all the lovely comments. Will have to sort out a proper prize system (or I could just send you all Double Deckers). Francis's Jesus stuff was astonishing. My money's on the Boulle announcing that he is the Third Coming during the series finale. (Obvs Spencer is the devil and Rosie is Iago...no, sorry, I'm getting confused with Aladdin. Again.)

We need to forget wheeze and have a binky biscuits hookup.

Oh my god woman! Why have I just found your blog now?! You are amazingly hilarious! Good job I have my own office as I have just laughed so hard it resulted in snorted my tea out all over my ruddy paperwork! Love it!

Paulina isnt getting your joke or sarcasim is she suzie haha.

best.recap.ever!!!!! team biscuits all the way, lou's a slag, Rosie is the ugliest misery loving wench to ever exhist she make Melificent look like a grade school counselor. Spencerfuckface is the douchiest mcdouche of the lot, horrfiying. LOVED Boulle telling Spennie off when Spen tries to chew him out for making the call. Hugo...still hot as eff but slowly creeping along the douche board. And honestly...SPA WARS was just the saddest thing in the world to watch, I wish Ceska had drowned in the pool and Victorias bathing should have come alive and swallowed her whole (SORRY VIC I STILL LOVE YOU, but YOU'RE A HOE). in all though...still the biz to watch. 'Well, I can’t imagine anyone can sustain an erection when in the same continent as ol’ Miseryhair, so she probably could have shut down the shagging.' -HILARITY IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL IN THE WORLD

It's a shame to see Jamie declare his undying love for a girl who then shags his best mate. bad of spenny to do it bad of louise to do it. then you find out she's 22 or 23 so let her do what she wants she's a child. Spenny is competitive insecure lost and an idiot....where's Caggie to stir up his "feelings" also he didn't say "i like you louise because xyz but cos when i'm with you i feel....he's self-obsessed and he's got a flat face!

oh id do get your jokes guys, i am a master of sarcazm :) but the things is that this show is an absolute trash lol and i totally cannot understand why people who are supposed to be homo sapiens (a thinking creature) are facinated by that! LOL Stinky, Binky, Jamie, Flemy . . . totally un-intresting people :)

What I can't believe is that it took me this long to find your work, Daisy. (I'm putting this on my blog roll). I didn't realise there were others who love MIC for all the wrong reasons. I'm forwarding this to other friends - writers, other bloggers - you are a huge talent. This is a gift, and I predict you are going to be a huge star. Oh wouldn't it be fabulous if you started appearing on the show! You could tell Rosie what you really think of her - to her face!

"Also, why would you bring Victoria to the spa? It’s like turning up to a dinner party stinking of poo and presenting your hosts with an Oddbins carrier full of actual poo" - you, and this, are amazing.

I could have watched an hour of just Boulle & Biscuits discussing how shit Jamies life had suddenly become over the 24 cans of tepid Carlsberg that he was given by props, sorry, brought round. Although the episode would probably have ended with Jamie attemtping an overdose using hobnobs (or him shoving a full can of said lager up Boulles behind given his eaelier attempts at comforting his 'boy')

Ah, Daisy! I look forward to reading your episode reviews almost more than I look forward to watching the episode itself.. Cracking stuff. I'm not usually one for commenting on the Internet, but I just want to say Paulina - if you are so highbrow, what on earth are you doing a) watching Made in Chelsea, even out of the corner of your eye b) going further and reading blogs about such despicable trash and c) why oh why would you waste time commenting that we are all lazy dim-witted time wasters.. ahem. I advise that you pick up the Proust, sell the telly and stop whingeing on the Internet about what other people do in their spare time.. Is Paulina a psuedonym for a certain Ms. Fortescue? Certainly equal in their whinging.

I'm still tickled pink by Jamie's endearing sense of incredulity at the thought of ploughing through twelve - twelve!!!! - cans of beer. I think this week's bonus scene on 4OD (what??) should have been the what they got up to after draining that case of beer. I'm picturing the two of them drunk joy-skateboarding along the Fulham Road as Francis schools Jamie in kerb-grinds and kickflips. Or prank-calling Louise and Spencer and pretending to be from HMRC.

Brilliant piece. Bravo! I'm unsure about Binky for Jamie, he needs someone little, and Binky doesn't seem to be into men OR women. I think she's nice but she's hiding something (or someone). I would LOVE to see Spencer, Louise and Jamie on The Jeremy Kyle Show... with Frances there for support with his tinnies. Louise must be barking mad passing up on FREE BISCUITS AND SWEETS FOR LIFE!! I thought she was great until last week, I actually cried. Is there a helpline?

I literally hate Rosie's hair more than I even hate her!!! I thought I was the only one! This is the funniest blog I've ever read - "Well, I can’t imagine anyone can sustain an erection when in the same continent as ol’ Miseryhair, so she probably could have shut down the shagging" absolutely killed me. Like, I died. Also agree on Kimberley. So what if she had a boyfriend when she went out with Spencer and Jamie she did insist it was only as friends! Hardly evidence that she's a slag. Such a horrible word. For anyone who missed it - Victoria "stinkypoo" (as I will refer to her from now on) had a major show-down on twitter with pro-green following the show. The best part was that she was massively rude about Pro Green AND Millie whilst claiming that the scenes in MIC were all edited and she wasn't really a beeyatch in real life. Strange given that her offensive tweets were coming straight from the *cough* horses mouth...

Will someone please give rosie a good head butt!!!! She pulls her friends boyfriend and acts like she's done sod all wrong! She needs bringing down a peg or two! Smug limp haired horse face cow! Team Millie!!!!!!!

Not since early Charlie Brooker have I laughed out loud (no not lol-ed) at a write up. Best review I have read in a very long time! Keep it up.

Actually... not to defend Rosie in any way, but I'm wondering if all this attention on Rosie is perhaps taking the focus off Cheska, who I really do think is the Devil. She's got this whole sub plot going on that no one on the show is remotely aware of (not even Binky, who until now I assumed was omniscient). Her obsession with Richard, her determination to ruin anyone he loves instead of her (that line about the diaphanous tablecloth and 'if you believe in Jesus'.. brilliant!!).. I thought she was going to kill what's her name - the singer with the big face. Daisy: they've got to get you on the show so you can be Biscuit's new love interest. He so does deserve to be happy. He deserves someone better than Louise. IMHO.

Ah Miss Daisy you has struck gold again! Brill review and if they don't give you a cameo slot where you can be Jamie's jammy dodger and give him his mojo back there just ain't no justice.

Just watched it - Richard's hair at the office with Binky, boo! Victoria's granny swimming costume, yey!

You are a very funny lady! just shared your blog on FB. Can't wait for next weeks instalment. I wonder if ol'misery hair has seen this?!

I've been following your blog for a month now, after using MIC for a bit of trash escapism. I now enjoy your blogs more than the show, but had to write and say this write up is one of the funniest I've read. Thank you - keep up the good work.. 'clad in protective sheets', oh you wicked wordsmith, love it!

Shared on FB also. I second Kirsty's comment regarding Richards office hair. Can we also take a moment to query why Kimberly skips everywhere? Team Biscuits x

OMFG. I have just found this site and read all your MIC articles. I have quite literally just wet myself laughing. 'Jamie Biscuits' is the most inspired name ever and I love that you love Mark-Francis as much as I do ("quietly horrified" - genius). I don't like Louise though - anyone who calls someone "Spenny" and believes the shite he tells her. not to mention wearing those horrible buttoned up blouses, deserves to be slapped and made to say the 'S' Word. BTW Kimberley is all skippy and sweet and girly and Jesus-y (Note: Spencer assumed she was a virgin) and yet she has not only got/had a boyfriend, but she went out for a coffee (the hussy) with other boys at the same time. That is why she is a MASSIVE SLAG of EPIC PROPORTIONS.

OMG!!! All I Want to talk about is my hatred for Rosie and her clan, but I think I hate Rosie more. I am the one that would say never hate someone you don't know or someone who hasn't particularly done any thing mean to you but I hate that UGLY..HUGLY BITCH. If I ever met her *shaking my head*

I no longer need to watch the show - I am just going to read this from now on. You really are a brilliant writer!

This blog is hilarious, you really do have a way with words. Looking forward to more

Whilst I appreciate your above comments, Neil Buchanan is dead. Harsh. RIP

No he's not. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-15202131

I'm still rooting for Binky & Cheska to get it together. Before MiC they were on an episode of Super Sweet 16 (I KNOW! I'm so SAD!) where they did things like wake up in the same bed together - and in Season 1 they seemed like they were definitely a couple.... They belong together!

Just found this site as could not believe Prof Green and Millie are together (found out on Soccer AM)... I am currently looking at flats/small houses in Fulham... This weeks episode with Jamie Biscuits 'house' will make it three places that I have both looked around are also seen used as characters 'houses' on MiC! Kind of ruins the illusion that any of this is real. I would suggest the reason Francis Boulle was getting the bus to Elephant and Castle was that he was on his way to home. Also ALL the offices they seem to 'use' for their business are in shared units with areas for casual rent and hot desk working. Other than that MiC is a must for me and the misses!!! :-)

In my book, watching this programme and then acting like you hate it makes you all wankers

Some of the best writing I have stumbled across on the interwebs in a while!!! So concise and all such truth conveyed and all the important questions asked!!!! I 100% agree with everything on this blog and was in stitches!!! Good work!!!

The Wickedly Unofficial Guide to Made In Chelsea is a collection of the hilarious Sabotage Times reviews by Daisy Buchanan, whose much-anticipated weekly Made In Chelsea write-ups have become an internet sensation and are loved by fans and stars of the show. This take-no-prisoners guide to every episode of Made In Chelsea features a guide to all the characters from the show and celebrates Caggie, Millie, Spencer, Ollie, Binkie and the gang, whilst tenderly poking fun at their pardies, blow drys and home-made sushi fixations. The book is now available to download from SabotageTimes or from Amazon.co.uk and costs just £4. Simply choose between Kindle (Mobi) and Non-Kindle (ePub) click on the Buy Now Pay Pal button and we’ll email you over the book.

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Love this! Read my article for the Huffington Post on the postcode hatred Made in Chelsea instils in us all http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/freya-bromley/classism-is-made-in-chels_b_3263270.html