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Sepp Blatter: Here Are The 10 Best Penalty Shootout Alternatives
Sepp Blatter opened his big mouth again today and called for penalty shootouts to be scrapped. We asked our readers for the best alternatives, and pretty much solved the problem. Here's the best 10...
Who doesn’t love a penalty shootout? The drama, the tension, the sight of a goalkeeper scoring a goal or John Terry falling on his arse and crying – which I now see in every penalty shootout regardless of John Terry’s involvement. In a matter of minutes the agony and the ecstasy of football is laid on the line, and it’s great to watch.
Unless you’re Sepp Blatter that is.
That’s right, not a week after Chelsea got their hands on the Champion’s League trophy after beating Bayern Munich on pens, UEFA’s not-so-jolly fat man says he wants to scrap them altogether. Well, if you are going ahead with that Sepp, maybe you could heed our suggestions for some alternatives?
Five-A-Side After Full Time
First to five wins, rush goalies a must.
Top Trumps
Before the game each team must designate a top trump player, or, “trumper”. The two trumpers will battle it out in the centre circle. No swapsies allowed and the variety of top trumps must remain a closely guarded secret until the very end.
Keepy Uppy Competition
One point for feet, two points for knees, five points for headers. If it looks like the competition is running into a stalemate, then the players must restart on a trampoline.
Introduce A Second Ball
11 a side and a full size pitch, but with both teams attacking at the same time. Balls will then periodically be fired onto the pitch from secret cannons located in the advertising hoardings. If still a draw after 120 minutes, then God knows.
Blindfolded Penalties
The goalkeeper is blindfolded that is, and he has to jump out of the way of oncoming balls, so, the opposite of a regular penalty shootout. Or the teams could just go the whole hog, suit up and play dodgeball…
Striker vs. Keeper 1-On-1
This is potentially a serious consideration, though surely a time limit would have to be put on it, otherwise the striker could just be dribbling around the box for hours until the goalie decided winning wasn’t worth the hassle and headed back.
Rock Paper Scissors
Rules are as follows: Best of three, draws are nullified and you must reveal your hand ON THREE, NOT BEFORE! Also, this should be played out by the managers, not the players. Fair.
Crossbar Challenge
First team to hit the crossbar from the halfway line wins. The ball cannot bounce before hand, obviously, it has to hit it square one, and the ball must be resting on the halfway line whilst the shot is taken.
Roshambo
According to urban dictionary, Roshambo is this:
“a game; to kick each other in the balls over an object, last one standing wins.”
Didier Zokora would absolutely nail this.
Just Keep Playing?
Maybe this is the best option? Start rolling substitutions after 90 minutes and keep playing until someone scores. Sod cramp, sod fatigue, just let them get on with it.
Any other suggestions? Leave us your thoughts. We’ll pass them on to Sepp next time we see him.
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COMMENTS
striker vs keeper 1 on 1 is known as an 'American Shoot Out' - we used to play it at my summer football school. I think this would be a great solution
A 22 man brawl.
might sound gay but something like 'least fouls' might work, especially if you have a team (no names) who like to break up attacks by fouling for the whole game
Penalty shootouts are the perfect solution to a drawn match. It's goal line decisions that need to be looked at Mr Blatter not panalties.
How about if you put blatter in the center circle all the players around the touch line and the first on to grab him and beat the shit out of him wins the game for there team would get my vote
Take the players off after 120 mins and get the WAGS on to bitchfight! The last of the money grubbing tarts that still has a false nail in tact gets to present the trophy to her spouses team and then get roasted in the centre circle by the losers....Great T.V!
Make the game more offensive in regulation. College soccer has had no shootouts in playoff games and has done fine.
It's rather FIFA's not-so-jolly fat man. Not UEFA.
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