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Werner Herzog's Note To His Cleaning Lady

by Dale Shaw
3 October 2013 128 Comments

Werner Herzog is angry with his cleaning lady. Absolutely fuming...

Rosalina. Woman.

You constantly revile me with your singular lack of vision. Be aware, there is an essential truth and beauty in all things. From the death throes of a speared gazelle to the damaged smile of a freeway homeless. But that does not mean that the invisibility of something implies its lack of being. Though simpleton babies foolishly believe the person before them vanishes when they cover their eyes during a hateful game of peek-a-boo, this is a fallacy. And so it is that the unseen dusty build up that accumulates behind the DVD shelves in the rumpus room exists also. This is unacceptable.

I will tell you this Rosalina, not as a taunt or a threat but as an evocation of joy. The joy of nothingness, the joy of the real. I want you to be real in everything you do. If you cannot be real, then a semblance of reality must be maintained. A real semblance of the fake real, or “real”. I have conquered volcanoes and visited the bitter depths of the earth’s oceans. Nothing I have witnessed, from lava to crustacean, assailed me liked the caked debris haunting that small plastic soap hammock in the smaller of the bathrooms. Nausea is not a sufficient word. In this regard, you are not being real.

Now we must turn to the horrors of nature. I am afraid this is inevitable. Nature is not something to be coddled and accepted and held to your bosom like a wounded snake. Tell me, what was there before you were born? What do you remember? That is nature. Nature is a void. An emptiness. A vacuum. And speaking of vacuum, I am not sure you’re using the retractable nozzle correctly or applying the ‘full weft’ setting when attending to the lush carpets of the den. I found some dander there.

I have only listened to two songs in my entire life. One was an aria by Wagner that I played compulsively from the ages of 19 to 27 at least 60 times a day until the local townsfolk drove me from my dwelling using rudimentary pitchforks and blazing torches. The other was Dido. Both appalled me to the point of paralysis. Every quaver was like a brickbat against my soul. Music is futile and malicious. So please, if you require entertainment while organizing the recycling, refrain from the ‘pop radio’ I was affronted by recently. May I recommend the recitation of some sharp verse. Perhaps by Goethe. Or Schiller. Or Shel Silverstein at a push.

The situation regarding spoons remains unchanged. If I see one, I will kill it.

That is all. Do not fail to think that you are not the finest woman I have ever met. You are. And I am including on this list my mother and the wife of Brad Dourif (the second wife, not the one with the lip thing). Thank you for listening and sorry if parts of this note were smudged. I have been weeping.

Your money is under the guillotine.


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Meet The Cinematographer That Pushed Werner Herzog To The Third Dimension

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image descriptionCOMMENTS

Lucy Sweet 10:22 am, 21-Apr-2012


Dave Lee 11:04 am, 21-Apr-2012

Funny as *searches for the right word....oh yeah* Fuck.

Ben Martin 11:44 am, 21-Apr-2012

This is fucking wonderful.

Howard 11:53 am, 21-Apr-2012

5 Stars from me.

Horatio Hardacre 1:04 pm, 21-Apr-2012


jonny carson 9:41 pm, 21-Apr-2012

This has made my afternoon, bravo..

Sadie 10:07 pm, 21-Apr-2012

I love

Matt weiner 10:50 pm, 21-Apr-2012

That's a yes from me

R 12:46 am, 22-Apr-2012

Dear Herzog: My name is RosaLITA, you insufferable twat. Keep it up with these letters and your Y-fronts with the skid marks go straight to TMZ. R

Ian Hough 12:47 am, 22-Apr-2012

Top notch gear, that. Hat off.

maggiebeck 1:48 am, 22-Apr-2012

Protrayal of pure arrogance!

SublimeChapWithJauntyCravat 4:49 pm, 22-Apr-2012

I'm glad I'm not alone - the tirades I compose are frequently just this pompous and absurd.

jon 5:47 pm, 22-Apr-2012

written by dale shaw

Mr. C 12:14 am, 23-Apr-2012

This made me weep like a fat man with no more hotdog to eat, standing in the rain of mediocrity with his pants split.

ad 11:06 am, 23-Apr-2012

what a ponce

Max 2:55 pm, 23-Apr-2012

beautifully spot-on, and funny as hell : ) the "real", "from lava to crustacean", and the build-up to the nausea sentence - my favorites. bravo : )

GRgal 3:43 pm, 23-Apr-2012

An a hole who thinks he's too important to take any responsibility for his own living environment or clean his own damn bathroom just because he's an artist? If you don't want dander in your damn shag rug, shave your own damn head and don't let the damn dog/cat/goat in the house. As the only person who regularly cleans the soap sludge left by the thoughtless chimps oops I mean my lovely family who use the bathroom but take no responsibility for maintaining it I think Rosalina should collect that soap sludge and dander and grind it into Herzog's coffee. Love the films, Wernie. Thanks.

Rob 4:13 pm, 23-Apr-2012

I have met the man several times and this is just perfect. Made my day. I'm grinning like a loon. Thanks!

WetPhaart 5:59 pm, 23-Apr-2012

I'm getting tired of Herzog's parody of himself. It's old already.

Harry Futile 7:27 pm, 23-Apr-2012

I suspect he wrote this intending it to become a curiosity; a collector's item with significant monetary value. The cleaner can then clean up.

Bernie 8:28 pm, 23-Apr-2012

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages.

Duc 12:17 am, 24-Apr-2012

Like some commenting here, I can't believe what Werner wrote to his cleaning lady. If it was a writer and not Werner Herzog who wrote it I may have given Werener Herzog the benefit of the doubt but it's not a writer parodying Werner Herzog, it's Werner Herzog, it's actually Werner Herzog who wrote this. Not some writer named, for argument's sake, Dave Shaw with his byline at the top of the post but Werner Herzog, THE Werner Herzog, who wrote this horrid and not at all hilarious because it was not written by a writer who is not Werener Herzog letter to his cleaning lady woman. Curse you Werner Herzog and not some writer named Dave Shaw!!!!! Curse you!!

Xavier Lopez Jr. 12:25 am, 24-Apr-2012

Wow, Werner was reading way too much Lacan!

B. 12:44 am, 24-Apr-2012

Just curious -- is there anyone on here who believes that this was actually written by Our Dear Director? Some responses have me wondering... :/

Nina Rene Soreco 12:48 am, 24-Apr-2012

Made me laugh, in awe of our first-world "problems" and as someone who recently pointed to the bathroom tile and scrambled to be able to say, "No negro, por favor. Blanco, si? Blanco por favor." With no disrespect to the cleaners (I have one friend and one SIL who do this work.)

Tom Jensen 1:11 am, 24-Apr-2012

Dear Rosalina, Please dust the DVD shelf. Now that's Real, Werner. That is real.

Betty Barncoat 1:15 am, 24-Apr-2012

Who's Werner Herzog?

Den Bogus 1:18 am, 24-Apr-2012

If my boss wrote me notes like that i'd take a pay cut. And he's so right about Dido.

Patrick 1:24 am, 24-Apr-2012

Who is Werner Herzog?

The Man from Porlock 1:36 am, 24-Apr-2012

I think every single commenter on this page has been trolled and doesn't realize it.

tired 2:51 am, 24-Apr-2012

To those criticizing Herzog himself: This is clearly a satirical letter written by Dale Shaw, you fools.

Keep it real 3:04 am, 24-Apr-2012

Rich people problems

Fernucio Balazo 3:13 am, 24-Apr-2012

Uhh... "written by Dale Shaw" kinda gives me a clue that he didn't write this.

question mark 3:30 am, 24-Apr-2012

arrogance and scum have alot in common. the innocent naturally turn a blind eye and that is real.

Trixxs 4:10 am, 24-Apr-2012

Insufferable, almost to the point of abuse.

Janlynne 4:55 am, 24-Apr-2012

How do I submit this to "First World Problems"?

Darryl W Bullock 7:56 am, 24-Apr-2012

"written by Dale Shaw". Its there at the head of the page. Very funny, but a parody people. Jeez

Arif 8:02 am, 24-Apr-2012

Hard evidence that barely anybody reads the credits. Top notch parody though!

Owen Blackhurst 8:17 am, 24-Apr-2012

The line about the spoons, tremendous.

Nadia 8:40 am, 24-Apr-2012

Its not werner ego write this, but Dale Shaw's take on how he would

Matt 9:24 am, 24-Apr-2012

Thankfully she was "the finest woman I have ever met", real vitriol is saved for those he doesn't like... :)

disafterdark 10:09 am, 24-Apr-2012

If only I could be as erudite in my description of werner Herzog. But alas, I cannot......twat

APC 10:13 am, 24-Apr-2012

i'd resign immediately. pompous cunt!

jonny carson 11:49 am, 24-Apr-2012

Try reading it aloud with a cod german accent.. Brilliant!

Ben 12:16 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Err - so why on Earth would people be assuming this is actually genuine?

Noah R. 1:55 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Guys, this is clearly fake. Think about all the interviews, commentaries, and documentaries you've seen with Werner Herzog. Hell, take a look at his published diaries. This was written by somebody trying to sound like Herzog, somebody who had that "obscenity of the jungle" YouTube clip on a constant loop. Every sentence is a Herzogism. You've all been duped...but it's still funny.

sascha 2:23 pm, 24-Apr-2012

I am a vociferous consumer of comedy and as such also a skeptic towards that of it which is mediocre. I have to say this is without doubt the most hilarious thing I have read / heard / seen all year. Awesome!

Vendela Schiapisi 3:04 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Another insufferable one percenter.

Fan 3:52 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Haha. Unlike some, this just makes me love old WH even more. Reminds me what a unique, flawed, full-of-curiosity-and-poetry-and-crazy guy he really is. Well done——that you're able to write parody that doesn't seek to demolish and destroy. Well, no doubt you're making fun....but I don't think you'd bother if you didn't appreciate him.

Tom Jensen 4:05 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Of course Werner wrote this. Dale Shaw is his personal secretary and was simply transcribing the events as Werner was wiping his finger across the dusty DVD shelf. How else would have Sabotage Times obtained such a personal letter? Plus, why would Sabotage Times commit an act of deliberate subversion like this?

MisterCharlie 4:24 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Written, it seems, for submission to McSweeney's. Unbelievably that people who are interested in Werner Herzog are so lacking in intellectual nuance to realize this is a joke.

Everymom 4:45 pm, 24-Apr-2012

I don't know which is funnier. The item itself, or the comments in which it becomes clear that some people believe Herzog actually wrote it. ... "The situation with spoons remains unchanged." I wept with laughter.

Brentwood Belair 7:02 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Rosalina, leave this hack Herzog. Come work for me. Screw the vacuum. My days are free. Besides, I have more hair.

G H 7:33 pm, 24-Apr-2012

"Do not fail to think that you are not the finest woman I have ever met." Does not mean what it's implied to mean.

chris 8:29 pm, 24-Apr-2012

achingly, haltingly brilliant. i will keep this letter with me for the rest of my life and quote it in moments of desperate pain and unassailable joy.

Missy 8:50 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Who is Dale Shaw? The writer from the UK who lives in SF and writes "comedy". Alledgedly.

jpgiarde 8:52 pm, 24-Apr-2012

This Guy is an idiot

D Wood 9:37 pm, 24-Apr-2012

I'm so glad I just watched "Grizzly Man" and have his voice fresh in my head. Spot on, it was the funniest thing I read today until I read the outraged comments.

guest 9:43 pm, 24-Apr-2012

I'm not sure which is more funny--the letter or the commenters who think it's real (I mean really real, as opposed to "real").

Erik Olson 10:09 pm, 24-Apr-2012

You have to play it in your head, in his voice. Priceless.

Lynn Chase 10:16 pm, 24-Apr-2012

Gosh what must he think of dust mites and spider mites and other unseen things that are lurking everywhere....... no matter how much one cleans. It is all fake clean.

Dee Klein 12:32 am, 25-Apr-2012

uh... after perusing some of these comments it seems as though most the dummies here actually think this was written by Werner Herzog. Pretty sad. Why? He's actually an incredible writer. This parody falls very flat. The man has a way with words. I highly recommend Conquest of the Useless. Truly a beautiful book.

Melissa T 3:13 am, 25-Apr-2012

This is hilarious. Reading some of the comments above, I feel like I ought to re-iterate that this is a joke. A joke, guys. Calm down. Let's not hate on the real Werner Herzog for this.

Jeff kitchen 3:53 am, 25-Apr-2012

Wow. What a tweaker.

Tim 5:37 am, 25-Apr-2012

This is really great. The only not great part is the annoying blinking bomb animation next to it while I'm trying to read.

sascha 3:12 pm, 25-Apr-2012

The fact that many here lack the basic critical and investigative thinking skills necessary to discern that this is satire is proof that America has exactly the leaders it deserves. Perhaps I'm guilty of the same by assuming the commenters are American but if I were a gambling man, and I am I feel lucky

bondy 3:19 pm, 25-Apr-2012

totally lost on my, both WH and the parody. why did I end up on this page anyway?

Tom Jensen 3:44 pm, 25-Apr-2012

No, what's even funnier are all the comments where the ones who know that it is fake feel they have to ruin the joke by explaining it so they feel like they are intellectually superior. Instead of going along with joke, it's, "Look at me, I'm so smart because I figured it was satire because it says it was written by Dale Shaw." It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Not to mention the absurdity of it either. That too, did kind of give it way.

sascha 3:54 pm, 25-Apr-2012

No Tom that wasn't my point. Like you point out it doesn't take a genius to know it's satire. It's more fear and anger about the future

James Cocks 1:49 pm, 26-Apr-2012

Who the funk is Dale Shaw?

Tom Jensen 4:41 pm, 26-Apr-2012

I dated a Spice Girl once. Remember Old Spice. That was her.

GZ 4:44 pm, 26-Apr-2012

The part about music is too far from the truth to be funny. Herzog has in fact directed Opera productions. The guillotine thing sounds more like a parody of Vincent Price.

Tom Jensen 4:45 pm, 26-Apr-2012

Oops, I just responded to a completely different article.

Feo Amante 6:04 pm, 26-Apr-2012

By the Great Cthulhu, this is BRILLIANT!

W. Wenders 8:00 pm, 26-Apr-2012

My name is Wim. I am jealous that no media outlet is reprinting my long, rambling, existential letters to my American house cleaner, Samuel.

RazorheadFilms 12:00 am, 27-Apr-2012

loool Looks like Herzog spoofs are in these days!

rosalina 3:54 am, 27-Apr-2012

i want to see evidence. such as a copy of the letter.

Penise (it's french) 4:46 am, 27-Apr-2012

I need context.

Penise (it's french) 4:49 am, 27-Apr-2012

never mind. He is a hobo fancier...that is all the context i need.

B. McGrath 8:54 pm, 28-Apr-2012

Hilarious. Excellent, excellent creative writing ;)

errr 11:35 pm, 28-Apr-2012

"Perhaps I'm guilty of the same by assuming the commenters are American but if I were a gambling man, and I am I feel lucky". Does anyone else think it's funny that such butchery of basic tense is in a comment insulting the intellectual capacity of others?

sascha 2:57 pm, 29-Apr-2012

We can quibble about grammatical details if it makes you feel better about the future

Retro 5:56 pm, 30-Apr-2012

I don't know what is more funny: the actual writing or the fact so many people are gullible and reactionary enough to believe that Werner Herzog actually wrote this note (the content of which, by the by, speaks to the elitist attitude he oppose as a famed humanist). We have truly lost our way when so many people can't note the author's name of this piece: DINA SHAW. obviously, NOT Werner Herzog. You are all morons. Truly, we've descended into a loathsome electronic culture where we automatically believe everything we read, and then to top it all ofF, we proliferate the feral minded stupidity with the click of a button. Herzog is the not the elitist. I am, and you are all idiot wads for not doing your homework before reacting.

Anona 5:59 pm, 30-Apr-2012

The most amazing thing about this fictional piece of creative writing is the negative reaction that has been personally directed towards Herzog, who clearly did not write this note. Dina Shaw did. Truly, an experiment in human behavior on the internet. Genius actually.

Dale 9:44 pm, 30-Apr-2012


Colleen 2:29 am, 2-May-2012

Seems like it's time for Werner to scrub his own toilets! Crusty old crab!

annie meyburgh 7:04 pm, 2-May-2012


Andreas 7:47 pm, 2-May-2012

This is the funniest thing I have read all day. Amazing. And it's always good to laugh about stupid people is always fun too. I get to be smug and amused at the same time, I love it!

Margot 3:22 am, 4-May-2012

If it was not written by WH or someone close to him, then it's not very funny. I can't believe Herzog would drop the name of a forgettable Playboy contributor like Shel Silverstein, but perhaps they met once. I'm going with the Dale-or-Dina explanation, myself.

Person 11:24 am, 5-May-2012

What an asshole, why can't he clean his own DVD shelves?

Margot 4:18 am, 6-May-2012

Because, Person, he is paying fantabulous wages to someone to do the work, and she cannot stir herself to apply herself to her appointed tasks.

Po 8:02 am, 8-May-2012

Oh my goodness, yuck. Weilding your intellect and wit to deliver scintilating critique neither conceals nor exculpates abuse. Vile misogynist.

Person 10:15 am, 8-May-2012

Margot, he clearly has enough time to compose this nasty, vicious diatribe, but not enough time to wipe his own shelf? You think his cleaner is paid fantabulous wages? Someone who has a mind poisonous enough to write such an abhorrent note is unlikely to pay that person reasonably. Whether or not Herzog really wrote it, as a piece of short fiction, it outlines an exceptionally nasty and spitefully minded character - and one clearly with too much time on their hands - worrying about a shelf and the music choice of the cleaner. If I was his cleaner and received this note, I'd likely not waste time with a written response, but simply shit on his pillow.

half german 10:22 pm, 10-May-2012

Funny he fails to mention all the other 'favors' she's done for him all these years. Guess he cleaned up after himself.

Lindsey Barber 3:40 am, 11-May-2012

RETRO, I hope you're right. To whomever wrote this: Tell me, sir or ma'am, how can your cleaning lady contemplate the beauty beyond nihilism when the current economy requires her to clean up after you in order to feed and cloth her children? Somebody has to do the cleaning and of course it is not your fault. Your work provides an outlet to contemplate and escape the drudgery, even fetishize it. Maybe someday she can acquiesce to your heights, continue our Nietzschean swan dive towards apocalyptic hierarchies, and further the masquerade of "free" labor. (Don't get me wrong, Nietzsche's a great read, but this culture of elitism is a serious disease.)

Lord Colostomus Baggington III 6:42 pm, 14-May-2012

painfully slow, long winded, and takes too long to get to the point...just like his movies.

Lindsey Barber 9:03 pm, 14-May-2012

Why even put this energy out there? It doesn't matter who wrote it. Dale Shaw, your mom, the cleaning lady, herself, a cyborg. We're floating in this miasma of nothingness where words speak louder than actions. The eloquent prankster, the rhetoritician, asking us why should you care? Telling us to screw caring, buy this, read this it will make you feel better. We can't focus so why should you? I don't even know why I'm writing this. I can't focus. You're right, I'm a complete reactionary. And I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!

Paunch Bruticus 1:01 am, 16-May-2012

Werner should direct a Kojak movie.

Alex.Acree 3:01 pm, 18-May-2012

I have to disagree with you lindsey. Just because someone works hard, doesn't mean they can't understand greater concepts. Being a maid is a job. None of us no how well Herzog pays his maid, exploiting workers is bad but writing an intellectual letter to one of your maids who hasn't been doing there job, isn't exploitation. The letter wasn't really even that mean.

Alex.Acree 3:10 pm, 18-May-2012

Also in response to everyone saying you have to be an idiot to believe Herzog actually wrote this to his maid. Perhaps it was a joke, but believing that Herzog is actually writing this to his maid, for me at least, gives me a more entertaining experience when reading the letter. Whats wrong with that ?

Alex.Acree 3:13 pm, 18-May-2012

^^ "Doing their job"

Alex.Acree 3:16 pm, 18-May-2012

^^ "none of us Know" ha

Alex.Acree 3:18 pm, 18-May-2012

If only I could type english correctly :(

Alex.Acree 3:29 pm, 18-May-2012

Also since everyone has incorrect ideas. I must say that if you disagree with me, well maybe your'e right! Perhaps people get too offended when experiencing a disagreement. It's a scary thing to be wrong. If all my ideas are incorrect and i'm justing holding on to a rope of lies, i mean to realize this would be terrifying. But perhaps realizing that one is wrong is the first step to becoming right. So I refuse to be angry if someone disagrees with me, or even calls me a name! maybe you'll call me poop face!!!! the possibility of being wrong isn't a terrible thing but being refusing to accept the possibility........

Alex.Acree 3:30 pm, 18-May-2012

You better not call me a poop face!

sal 7:49 pm, 18-May-2012

I wonder what he thinks of Credit Default Swaps, Collatoralized Loans, and Synthetic CDO's.

Lindsey Barber 5:52 am, 19-May-2012

Have you ever done manual, monotonous labor, on your feet for 40 to 70 hours, or even only 20 hours per week for years on end just so you can feed yourself and/or your family? Have you ever tried to get ahead with this type of work? It's next to impossible. Have you ever read Jack London's Martin Eden? When you work on your feet all day you find that your brain is too tired for intellectual pursuits. And when you actually muster up the strength to take a step back during a moment's rest, you just get angry because you realize contemplation and creativity have been commercialized and choosing them over your current line of work is a risky business when you have no capital to invest and those who have monopolized the creative space as their own have plenty of assets. If you can't sell it, you're a fool and no one wants a laborer who has so-called "greater" ideals. As soon as the laborer gets a liberal arts education, they won't want to labor anymore. In my opinion, if we all shared the necessary labor, like cleaning and feeding ourselves, or at least treated these positions as equally important with an equal wage, then their would be room for everyone to flourish.

Julian 4:49 am, 24-May-2012

Is this the Herzog that Saul Bellow wrote about?

link lestrange 4:43 am, 3-Jun-2012

dear mr werner perhaps if you werent so busy writing me petty long winded letters about bullshit where you waffle on just to here the sound of your own voice and instead simply spoke to me in person we wouldnt be "suffering" these creative differences within our chosen artistic mediums in future why dont you try cleaning up after yourself instead of bitching and whining about how things are not done to your specification, failing that why not just let me get on with my job if that ok hmmm? sincerely Miss seeking new employment from someone who isnt a gimp

Christ 6:07 am, 3-Jun-2012

This is the most insufferable shit I have ever seen. Anyone who is impressed has a 2 digit IQ. The author is trash.

Jorge Inchaurregui Elizarraras 7:51 pm, 6-Jun-2012

Utter brilliance. I applaud you Mr. Herzog, and my complete admiration goes to Rosalita as well.

Lance Kaufman 7:34 pm, 21-Aug-2012

Werner Herzog has been my favorite film director - someone who thrived on extremes & absurdities & would never take the easy way out when there was a more difficult way of doing things. But my being enamored of him is almost totally based on his early films - "Heart of Glass" in which he had all the actors hypnotized before they filmed scenes. I don't know. The pianist who plays the son of the most powerful & richest man in the town in the film claims he wasn't really hympnotized;that he was just fooling. He wasn't just fooling. The film is filled with actors stumbling around in a state of blank confusion. Maybe they are trying to figure out the plot. What it all means. I know I still am after having seen it 20 or 30 times! But it is a beautiful film. And this is the Herzog who collaborated with Klaus Kinski to film some of the arguably intense films ever made. Yes, these two were both at their best when they were in a constant battle & conflict. See Herzog's documentary "My Best Fiend" - about his relationship with Kinski. Compared to Kinski, Herzog was fairly "normal". But he was still a lunatic, doing films starring lunatics about lunatics for lunatics to see. And there are some incredible moements in these early films. "Aguirre...", "Fitzcarraldo", "Wozzyeck." Talk about extremism in cinema! But something happened to Werner. In the documentary, "Burden of Dreams", he hints strongly that he has had it with film-making & that he might well have been considering the end of his film-making career. Maybe Kinski was too much for him to deal with. Maybe his insistance on deliberately taking the most difficult path wore him down. In "Fitzcarraldo", the success of the protagonist depends on his ability to have Amazon Indians pull a boat over a mountain in order to get from one waterway to another - using basically the most simplistic & rudimentary equipment & methods possible. So that is exactly what Herzog did. He didn't "film" this scene;he "lived" the scene & pulled the boat over the mountain with no assistance from modern shortcuts. One moment of interest. The Indians were on board the boat as it cruised on tht river. They tended to be quiet & reserved & here is Kinski, this madman - exploding with energy, behavior that was completely baffling & horrifying to the Indians. One of the Indian actors was a chief & at one point, he seriously asked Herzog whether Herzog wanted him to kill Kinski for him! Whatever it was, Herzog changed, became a more conventional,"artsy" film-maker, someone that film "critics" could sit around in their outdoor cafes & talk about in the same sentences with David Lynch & other directors that we'd like to believe actually have something profound about absurdity & human existence on this planet when, in reality, they are just masturbating & going through the motions. If you want to see something unique in film, watch the beginning of "Aguirre;The Wrath of God" - the scene where the Spanish soldiers are climbing up & down this precarious little trail on an incredible mountain in the fog! You will not see a more beautiful & thought-provoking scene in many other films. So maybe Herzog has become an intolerable boor. But there was a time when he was obsessed with what he did & what he was trying to say & how he went about saying it & he was almost as crazy as Kinski was but his films were all special - beautiful, alienating, barely hanging onto the reality of existence. See his usage of Bruno S.,a non-actor street musician in the incredible "The Mystery of Kasper Hauser." It's Herzog at his most symapthetic & yet oddly detached at the same time. These films all have "scenes" that are worth picturing in one's mind - again & again. The rats turned loose in "Nosferatu" - causing a comfrontation with the town elders. This is what Herzog was about - not some trendy, self-important film-maker who makes you question who exactly does he think he is. And, if you like what you see in Herzog's early, "extreme" works, see "Man Facing Southeast", an Argentinian film - directed by Eliseo Subiela. Herzog has earned a special place in film history but this place may be very heavily based on his early works. To me, he has become a hack. A intellectual hack but a hack nonetheless.

Balzac et Tolstoy 6:29 pm, 24-Aug-2012

Reading the alarming amount of clueless comments makes me wonder why people haven't burned down the Onion's offices given all of their abortion parodies...

Susanne ODonnell 4:39 pm, 30-Aug-2012

wow, what a blowharded wind bag. How about a simple, hey- you missed a spot? *clean your own house *if your house is cluttered like your communications, there is not enough time or money clean around such a mess.

Patrick 10:29 am, 18-Sep-2012

There are 2 major points here. 1. This is not real. I need to point this out because some people appear to think it is. 2. Thisis not funny. I need to point this out because some people appear to think it is. You opinion doesn't matter, only mine. Please refrain from replaying.

Patrick 10:29 am, 18-Sep-2012

There are 2 major points here. 1. This is not real. I need to point this out because some people appear to think it is. 2. Thisis not funny. I need to point this out because some people appear to think it is. You opinion doesn't matter, only mine. Please refrain from replying.

Patrick 10:36 am, 18-Sep-2012

Tom Jensen is an intellectually inferior asshole!

Cathie 7:17 pm, 13-Oct-2012

You can't be serious. Even though I don't agree with violent revolution, you should pause and think about how the guillotine was used during the French revolution.

steev 2:29 am, 21-Jan-2013

yes, this is obviously not real. and yes, not funny. it just takes the most surface, superficial, clueless characteristics of Herzog's public persona and makes a very simplistic and clumsy joke out of it. Now and then this same general idea gets tried, and it almost never works. It's a stupid meme. What will be next? Werner Herzog's grocery list? His notes to his children? Perhaps a Herzog speech to his local PTA meeting? No. No. Stop.

Bob Shankly 9:12 pm, 14-Feb-2013

Shits on Hunter S Thompson.

Pirate Jenny 10:15 pm, 14-Feb-2013

Booooo Sab Times. You're better than this...

Lester 8:47 pm, 18-Apr-2013

You left wing liberal bastard

Man-droid 2:38 am, 24-May-2013

Dale Shaw now Dina or Dave Shaw. Dale.

Khrodos 3:44 pm, 30-Nov-2013

It's a perennial shame that such a trite impersonation, especialy one that involves seroius political tension would find truck anywhere; that it strikes so many readers of what should be an artistic community as enjoyment furthers a serious blow to my optimism about the arts in our times. Whereas I have otherwise been very optimistic lately, this bit of childishness reminds me how tenuous civility is and that sincerity is just a form of impotence to those berift of imagination. Projecting contempt onto Herzog does not mask it's origin, and succeding in Internet traffic does not attain sublimation. Go do your homework, juvenile. To the Editors: is it really this difficult to get contributors or are you simply unqualified?

BL 7:09 pm, 20-Jan-2014

Not real, and addressed in this Herzog interview:

Dave Lee 10:05 pm, 20-Jan-2014

I like the way BL (above) says that it's fake, like he's the only one who's spotted it. If you read the piece he links to Herzog himself says it's obviously written by someone else, that it says so below the title and anyone who doesn't realise that a fake is an idiot. It's like BL is caught in an infinite irony loop.

Dubs 2:05 am, 12-Jul-2014

OH MY GOD ARE YOU IDIOTS EVEN READING THIS IT'S A CLEAR SATIRE "an aria by Wagner that I played compulsively from the ages of 19 to 27 at least 60 times a day until the local townsfolk drove me from my dwelling using rudimentary pitchforks and blazing torches." "And I am including on this list my mother and the wife of Brad Dourif (the second wife, not the one with the lip thing)." These are the words some of you are writing literal walls of hate text towards. Think about that.

Destiny 5:36 pm, 25-Aug-2014

The comments here are clearly satire.

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Film image description SABOTAGE