Forget Valentine's Day: Let's Make February 14th V For Vagina Day

Valentine's Schmalentine's, I propose we knock it one the head and celebrate our most intimate parts...
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Valentine's Schmalentine's, I propose we knock it one the head and celebrate our most intimate parts...

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Valentine's Day: a day of ritual humiliation for singletons the world over. In restaurants and bars, on the streets and even on the underground, people who happen to have met someone that can tolerate their idiosyncrasies and has a similar standard of personal hygiene, are holding hands and exchanging H Samuel jewellery.

In previous years, that would have been the introductory paragraph into my annual diatribe on how tedious it is to be single when the rest of the world seems to not only be in love, but is going to be banged senseless by someone they really fancy. However, not this year. This year, I am going to let the besmitten section of society get on with it and have my own V-Day. V-Day for us this year stands for Vagina. The singletons of my acquaintance (but with a particular focus on girls) are going to celebrate our pussies.

Vagina. Such an ugly word, without the lyrical dexterity of cock or dong or schlong. Vagina. So clinical in its usage, never said outside a 4th form biology lab. Vagina. Its closest linguistic cousins are vagismus and vaginitis. Vagina. Invisible to the naked eye, concealed by the mons pubis. Vagina. Rhymes only with angina, Carolina and egg timer. Vagina. Known by various groups as the birth canal, twat, minge or cunt.

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But why is there such a host of negative associations for this wonderful part of our anatomy? Why is my area used as a name for the worst sort of person? I love my vagina - it's part of what makes me a woman, it's part of my power, it enables me to have sex, enjoy myself and one day, to procreate.

That area of my body that gives me so much thrill when stimulated, by man or me or a tight pair of trousers needs to have its own special day. A day when people not only in this country, but around the world, and beyond put down their pens and their penises and spend time contemplating the wonder of the vagina.

Far more important than love or relationships, a woman's vagina allows for the continuation of our species. And in much the same way that people in relationships say "we celebrate our love every day, not just on February 14th" (bleurgh vomit), so I say "I'm going to celebrate my vagina not just on V-Day but every day from now on".