A change of pace
I unashamedly love GOT for its madness, weird sex, occasionally crackling dialogue and great fancy dress costumes, yet until last night each episode had tried to cram a nugget of every storyline into each episode and was all the poorer for it. With Wolves and red-headed sex pests morphing into shire like battlefields and onto mysterious southern lands where horses fuck women (based, I assume, on Essex) it’s been like a documentary charting the North South divide. Focussing entirely on Kings Landing as Stannis Baratheon’s men attacked, last night’s episode returned to the glory of season one.
Stannis Baretheon’s grimace
If anything says ‘this man is a deposed northern King who shags witches and has a giant whippet called Torg’ then it is the fixed grimace of Stannis Baratheon. If the Seven Kingdoms were ever looking for a poster boy in their campaign to show that a stroke doesn’t stop you from attempts at world domination, then Stannis is the man.
As Bronn, played brilliantly by Jerome Fucking Flynn, stripped a prostitute naked while regailing her with stories of his broken nose, she turned and kissed it and said “poor nose.” His retort? “Don’t feel too sorry for it, it will be halfway up your arse by the end of the night.” That the bells to signal war started ringing before we got to see this Olympian feat attempted is one of the great disappointments of the show to date.
Menstruation obsessed brother fucker, Queen Cersei Lannister, is perhaps the maddest nutjob of all
Dog v Bronn
Undoubtedly the two hardest bastards in the show, this pair of ruthless killers have been grating against each other for some time. The first scene started well. Moments after Flynn had signaled his intentions to nudge colon with snout, Dog walked in and gave him daggers. Squaring up, the pair swapped dialogue about who was hardest. Just as Bronn gripped his dagger to strike, the bells tolled and, brilliantly, the pair went for a pint before war broke out. Genius. They must’ve sorted out their differences because later on, as Dog froze in the middle of battle at the sight of fire. Bronn put an arrow through the brain of a soldier who was hellbent on taking Dog’s head off. Thank fuck neither of them died.
The Queen giving Sansa sex education.
Menstruation obsessed brother fucker, Queen Cersei Lannister, is perhaps the maddest nutjob of all, which is some going. Forcing her potential daughter-in-law / hostage to get leathered on Cab Sav, she essentially told her to ‘stop fucking praying and start opening your legs to survive.’ As Mother-In-Laws go, that’s pretty original. Mine just tells me she prays for me.
Tyrion Lannister becomes a man
Tyrion is, of course, by far and away the best character, yet until now has been seen as something of a coward. As inbred fop King Joffrey froze, Tyrion unleashed hell on the encroaching fleet and blew them all to smithereens (just behind the back of the big set with water in it). Not stopping there, he rallied the remaining troops with Churchillian rhetoric and entered battle from the rear. While for his brother Jamie that is code for hogtying your sister before sodomising her to the sound of a harp, for the half man it meant leading the men and slaying people with is axe. If as suspected the fatal blow to the head has killed him, the next 14 series will miss the little genius.
Charles Dance striding purposefully into the Great Hall
When would this not be the best thing about a TV programme?
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