SexPexFex: The Internet's Weirdest Sex Game

So you've finished GTA V, what next? What about SexPexFex, the internet's most screwed up game involving mojos, dildos and casual chat.
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So you've finished GTA V, what next? What about SexPexFex, the internet's most screwed up game involving mojos, dildos and casual chat.

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Caucasian twenty-something males out there: have you ever wanted to be a blue-haired member-magnet with green skin called Aretha?

If you’re reasonably voyeuristic like me and the answer is yes, then I’ve found a viable alternative to extreme cosmetic surgery. SexPexFex is far less damaging to your bank account but, judging by my brief experiences, potentially far more hazardous for your peace of mind. It's also one of the internet's most challenging wank arenas.

On the surface of things, SexPexFex revels in its simplicity and accessibility; anyone can play for free. Choose your sex, whether you fancy some hetero or homo digital action, pick your clothes, wait for a partner (or alternatively, invite a partner you know) and get ready to pump away. Unlock new positions such as ‘The Prison Guard’ or purchase Everlust Energy Drinks to increase your mojo. Straightforward format; create a game where rewards are only accessible via loyal gaming time. So far, so simple when it comes to the formula it seems.

Perhaps the warning signs were there when my girlfriend rejected my invite to indulge in some Flash-friendly foreplay, because apparently it’s ‘weird’ (this from the girl with a sloth tattoo on her leg) and ‘why can’t we do it in real life instead?’ I was actually quite relieved. Think of the diverse range of men, women, perverts, loners and intrigued others that I could now get to know, guilt free. So I created my sexual profile, gave myself a new do and prepared for the fun to start.

I opted to play as a woman, as mentioned at the beginning. I pondered at the time as to why, considering last time I checked I definitely possessed a cock and two balls. Was it because secretly there’s an inner transgender within me just waiting for the ideal online gaming scenario to jump out and lay claim to my sex?  On the other hand, on reflection I think it’s probably because I was intrigued to meet the breed of pervy male nutter which has laid claim to the vast domain of the internet. Maybe I am one. Maybe it was a reflection I was looking at as I was spread-eagled with a stranger digitally on top of me, pounding away whilst repeatedly asking me in the text box: “HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

Perhaps this is what’s wrong with sexual identity in the modern, digital age: the way that a biological, reproductive and at times romantic and beautiful physical act can be demeaned and reduced to a bunch of kinky pixels . And this coming from a self-professed fan of pornography. Well, I say a fan; I’m not part of a porno fan club as such, but I suppose the term I’m looking for is a pornography user. An XHamster and RedTube aficionado; if I see a POV camera angle with a leather couch, a door on the left and a bloke sitting behind a desk, I know what’s coming.

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All males of a certain age do, don’t they? Watching porn is like a rite of passage as you turn from a boy into a man, like having your first legal pint with your mates. And yet, the longer I played SexPexFex, the more I started to question the very fabric of humanity and how truly fucked up we can be. Oh, it’s just a game, stop being a tart I hear you say. But spending even five minutes getting buggered by a guy claiming to be Kristian, 27 when he’s probably Alfred, 72 whilst he lives out his real life fantasies in the accommodating domains of a digitally rendered online fuck dungeon does start to take it out of you.

Perhaps it’s a problem with the nature of pornography; we’re bombarded with Daily Mail esque reports quite regularly concerning the long term negative impacts of pornography and although my default response tends to veer between ‘go fuck yourself’ and ‘piss off you demented tits’, perhaps there’s something seriously wrong with internet porn. As the author Naomi Wolf once wrote:

“After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.”

Perhaps pornography does ruin relationships and create disenchanted, introverted men (and women) with unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. But in my opinion, if you’re logging onto YouPorn a couple of times a week to let off some steam, why the hell should anyone judge you?

What is a problem is when you’re playing an interactive online game, pretending to be a woman when you’re a man, whilst getting done doggy style by an avatar of some bloke who’s probably sat in front of his laptop in nothing but a string vest housing a gargantuan beer gut.

I don’t think I’ll be playing SexPexFex anymore. But don’t let that stop you; it’s guaranteed to be an experience.