This weekend is the world’s most glamorous motor race, the Monaco Grand Prix. While Lewis and Jenson dice through the streets, the rich and beautiful watch from their berths in the harbour. With the latter in mind, here are a few tried-and-tested tips for gaining entry to yacht parties uninvited:
1) WEAR A CRESTED SIGNET RING
While a pinkie ring with your initials will cause the opposite effect (no chavs allowed), a 24-carat ancestral ring, displaying your family crest, will signify your old money status – and there’s not a lot of that left in Monaco.
2) DON A PERSONALIZED SHIRT
Anyone wearing a ‘Talentless but Connected’ or ‘Xxxx Me I’m Famous’ T-shirt is welcome aboard all party vessels, seemingly.
3) NAME DROP
A proven favourite for uninvited access. Find out the name of the host, and say you went to U.S.C together (as in the University of Spoilt Children).
4) POSE AS A PEST EXTERMINATOR
Turn up with the suitable regalia, and a) The captain’s fear of rats may guarantee you access and b) No one will block your entry in case you gas them with poison.
5) WEAR SMART SOCKS
Once you’ve removed your suede Tod’s on the quayside, your hole-ridden Christmas present from granny will be exposed. Disastrous! A sharp pair of Paul Smiths are sure to get you onto Force India owner Vijay Mallya’s 95m boat, for that’s party central this weekend.