[image via Flickr]
Five-a-side games are always awash with every mad kit imaginable. Chances are you'll see all your mates, colleagues and acquaintances using your match as a platform to show off how much of a football hipster they are. Your mate from junior school rocks up in a Cagliari top. Your smarmy mate from work digs out his 'Nooky Brown' Newcastle kit. Your weird cousin has a Liverpool 3rd kit with Salif Diao on the back. It's customary to pick the strangest and most obscure kit possible, but what if all you've got is your tatty England kit from Euro 2004? Well don't fret, because we've picked a handful of kits you can buy TODAY that'll make your pal's 'Riquelme 10' kit look like shit.
If you're looking to show everyone up, then Lazio have to be first choice. Year after year, Macron keep making stunning kits for the Roman side, with their new commemorative 'Eagle' home kit arguably setting a new bar for fashion-geared kit design. Alas, that kit is yet to be put on sale, so this purple-and-blue away strip is the next best thing. Any Villa or West Ham fans are guaranteed to fume about a kit clash, but who's arsed with those pastel blue strips.
DEPORTIVO UNIVERSIDAD CATOLICA
I bet you're wondering "Why is there a Deportivo Universidad Catolica kit in this list? How have they found a home strip for Chilean First Division side Deportivo Universidad Catolica? Who would wear the home kit of one of Santiago's biggest sides, and part of the Chilean League's 'Big Three' - Deportivo Universidad Catolica - to a five-a-side game?". Well, put this kit on, and that's what all your opponents will think. That is unless, of course, they don't recognise your badge and you have to tell them that you bought a Deportivo Universidad Catolica kit, you big fucking poser.
Phwoar. Look at that. Sponsorship across the chest. White panelling along the torso. GOLD. That's what a football kit should be. This is the away strip of perennial mad bastards UNAM Pumas, who for years have lit up the Liga MX with a variety of strange, puma-themed, Puma designed kits. And when we say years, we mean years. Since 1980 onwards, they've had a huge puma - in some way, shape or form - on all three of their kits, and year on year, they get more inventive. Buy one now; they're timeless.
I've no idea how, but quietly, kit manufacturers Macron have slowly become one of the most eye-catching design houses in football. This lovely strip - a less politically problematic one than their Lazio kit - is quintessentially Italian. It couldn't be more Italian. Put this on and you will look, feel and act Italian. Roberto Baggio played for Bologna. In fact, Roberto Baggio had his best ever season at Bologna. Who are you to say you're above wearing his kit?
Remember Freddy Adu? Remember the hysteria around him? The tours of Chelsea and Man Utd, the deals with Nike, the national team call-up - remember all that? Well you may also remember that time he advertised Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, and this was the kit he was wearing. As everyone knows, Adu never lived up to the hype of his initial fame, and so probably didn't have many people looking up to him and buying his kit. Buy a DC United kit and make Freddy Adu happy.