Christmas Jumpers Are For Wankers

It's coming up to Christmas, I can almost hear all the idiots dragging their Christmas jumpers out of the wardrobe. Here's why I hate them.
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It's coming up to Christmas, I can almost hear all the idiots dragging their Christmas jumpers out of the wardrobe. Here's why I hate them.

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In my head I have a list of items that automatically make me think somebody is a wanker if they wear them. This list includes those ridiculous one-piece suit things that you see in Primark, Gilet’s (partly because you’ve most likely parted with a lot of cash for something with no arms) and my new favourite that I’ve added to the list, Christmas jumpers.

Don’t get me wrong, a traditional fairisle jumper will always be a classic but the Christmas jumper is something else. It is most likely a grotesque pattern on top of an over sized jumper that should never have left those weird family photos that some people send out at christmas. Also, I bet Cameron and Osbourne have a pair in their respective shitty wardrobes.

A few years ago One Direction were seen sporting the Christmas jumper and moments later it was as if everyone had to have one. Men had them, women had them, kids had them and I shit you not, I saw a dog wearing one.

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The design of the Christmas jumper isn’t what annoys me the most though, nor is it the fact that most people who own them wear them right into March, none of these factors annoy me for more than 5-10 seconds. No, the most annoying thing about a Christmas jumper is when somebody wearing one asks you, “where’s your Christmas Spirit?” Now, correct me if I’m wrong but we all coped fine in the ‘Christmas Spirit’ department before this whole Christmas Jumper craze really kicked off a few years ago, so what’s to say this year I’m going to lack the same spirit? 

Am I just going to spend this Christmas day in the dark eating fish-fingers if I don’t buy a jumper with two reindeer's emblazoned across the front of it? Just because it’s Christmas, it doesn’t mean I have to dress like an absolute donut just to get into the spirit. Then again, what says Christmas Spirit more than a jumper made by children in a sweatshop in China?