Jesus H. Christ & This Summer's Unlikely Style Icons

You may not think that you should be copying the son of God, the crazed woman from The Apprentice and Clarissa but let me tell you that you're wrong. Very wrong indeed...
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You may not think that you should be copying the son of God, the crazed woman from The Apprentice and Clarissa but let me tell you that you're wrong. Very wrong indeed...

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1.Batman

It can’t just be me who’s sick of Hathaway already and the SODDING FILM’S ONLY JUST COME OUT. Catwoman? Catwoman?! Catwoman wears clashing leopard print and chitz, looks like she has been covered in glue, thrown into Claire’s Accessories and covered in a plethora of floaty items. Also, she has cat sick in her hair. THAT IS NOT THE ONE.

I for one will be running around the streets east of London with smoky eyes and my underwear over my disco pants and there’s sod all you can do to stop me.

This summer, I’m taking my style inspiration from Batman. I’m SERIOUS - the kid’s been rocking a disco pant for the duration of the movie franchise. He knows what he’s doing. Sure, he’s aerodynamic, but he also appreciates what a touch of Spandex can do for the ass. AS DO WE ALL. And the Batster has the smokey eye deal down to a tee - BARE SKILLZ.

A floaty cape adds a touch of glamour to any occasion (totes day to night). The Lazy Oaf/Batman collaboration is all about Alice Delal-esque shabby chic, confirming that there’s really not that much distance between Gotham City and Hoxton Square. I for one will be running around the streets east of London with smoky eyes and my underwear over my disco pants and there’s sod all you can do to stop me.

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2)Margaret from The Apprentice

One word: FIERCE.

The eyebrow revealing spam-fringe. The pastel lipstick. The pearls and piped edge collars. This is girl who knows how to work a boardroom. Move over Hilary Devey, there’s a new chick at the top of our corporate style barometer (yeah that’s a thing, and yeah we have one), and she DOESN’T look like Kenny Everett in a frock. Take notes. Some serious statement eyebrow is going on here. Move over Poppy Delavigne, bow down to the queen of the facial furniture - Maggie M.

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3)Little My from The Moomins

Oh, YOU KNOW this makes sense.

Bitch can rock a topknot like no other. I bet she knows the benefits of a donut and a sturdy Kirby grip, she’s no novice. There are some serious Croydon facelift skillz here. Plus a cheeky ’60s A line swing dress a flouncy neck bow, and are those 12 hole Dr Martins I spy? Oh, you DO like to mix it up don’t you? Romper Stomper. Granted a bit of a one-trick pony look, (come on Little My, a change of lip liner every decade as an update? How ‘bout a half up/ half down do? DARING. Hitch up that hemline, it IS 2012! No? Fine. Sod ya then).

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4)Clarissa Explains It All

Long before the look was popular, Clarissa Darling was the ORIGINAL hipster. Geek glasses- CHECK, Coloured brace bands CHECK, peasant top, array of unnecessary accessories (try saying that five times) polka clashes, embellished headwear, ripped jeans, biker jackets, KEITH HARRING PRINTS. RiRi has essentially been bound to a chair and Clockwork Orange’d with back to back Clarissa Explains It All. She cries herself to sleep at night WISHING she could be that effing eclectic and edgy. Probably.

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5)Jesus

I know what you’re thinking. No one really knows what Jesus really looks like, so maybe this should be “the artist formerly known as Jesus” or more specifically “resurrection Jesus”. Whoever was interpreting his likeness at this stage of his life was spot on for that whole festival chic / perfectly quiffed bed hair/rocking a bedsheet look. Also, I’m pretty sure they were using the Nashville filter on Instagram.

You may be the son of God but there’s no excuse for chapped lips.

He could certainly rock a head-dress without leading his disciples into an awkward fringe-Kirby-grip-situation. With layers chopped to perfection, not too frizzy, not too straight, he’s the inspiration for a generation........of Mary Kate Olson grunge hair.

Floaty peasant robes - so understated, no OTT bling, keeping it real, natural - a smattering of Touche Eclait to really make those saviour eyes POP, and maybe a touch of Vaseline to the lips (you may be the son of God but there’s no excuse for chapped lips). Take heed, Bestival-goers, when you come back from the dead with your hair looking as good as this there’s NO excuses for forgetting the dry shampoo and blaming ‘rain hair’. Pack a freaking crown of thorns FFS.

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Amy Rycroft writes for top UK fashion and lifestyle online magazine, Le Blow. For more great style features check out www.leblow.co.uk.

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