As the mercury rises, so do our hemlines and shorts make a sudden reappearance as a consideration for our daily sartorial selection.
Never has an item of clothing divided the genders so. Thanks to their leg lengthening properties, shorts look good on (most) women, especially when donned with a liberal application of self tan and sky scraper heels.
Men, on the other hand, can look pretty shit in shorts. Especially of the denim pants variety. Y’know, the type that are so eye wateringly short, you can see tomorrow’s laundry if you knoworramean. Men should never wear undergarments that are essentially shorter than their ball bags. Nobody wants an eyeful of scrotum on a sunny day, do they?
It’s tricky for men to wear shorts anywhere other than the beach. I still find the sight of hairy man legs and flip-flops on the morning commute slightly alarming, although today I spotted a most stylish short-wearing chap. He was wearing a shorts suit – sounds naff; a little bit 80s Duran Duran, right?
Not so! He looked aces, rocking the ensemble with a nifty pair of boat shoes (I know, right?), no socks (for crying out loud, fellas; wear your shorts sans socks please) and a man bag. I know what you’re all thinking, but he looked HOT. As in an attractive way; he couldn’t have been feeling hot as he was IN SHORTS. Stupids.
Anyway, I digress.
Confusingly shorts can be long or, er, short. The main thing is that they don’t cover the entire length of the leg, otherwise they’d be trousers, fool.
Men should never wear undergarments that are essentially shorter than their ball bags. Nobody wants an eyeful of scrotum on a sunny day, do they?
Football shorts are the bst indicator of a decade. From ankle grazers in the 1930s, through to teeny-tiny polyester budgie-smugglers in the 1980s – with hair lengths seeming to have an indirect correlation, length wise.
Did you know, Kylie Minogue invented micro shorts? Well, not really, but she certainly but them on the map when she donned a minuscule metallic pair for her Spinning Around video back in 2000. Apparently they were purchased from a charity shop for just 90 pence, and are now on display in an air tight case (to stop them disintegrating) at the V&A, fact fans.
Although Ms Minogue wore her shiny apple catchers to perfection, most girls take their shorts inspiration from that Kate Moss. When she arrived at Glastonbury in 2005 wearing tweed knickers with little else apart from a waistcoat, Hunter willies and a pram face, she spawned a trillion short shorts wannabes and made them de rigeur at festivals worldwide.
Alexa Chung has also made it perfectly acceptable for girls to saw off their denims into frayed shorts, layered over heavy black opaque tights (forgiving of a multide of cellulite shaped sins) and paired with little ankle boots. They’ve since become the uniform of teen girls EVERYWHERE.
This season, women’s shorts should be high waisted and embellished like they’ve been involved in a horrific accident in the haberdashery department of John Lewis.
Think studded, sequinned, or printed, but most of all, make ‘em retro. 90s styles are, like, totally hot right now. You can even amp up your workwear with a little 60s inspired shorts suit, if your boss is male and you want to get promoted.
American Apparel’s disco shorts have also made butt cleavage the new sexy. Not in a builder’s arse stylee, but a cheeky (literally) bit of bot poking out.
Here’s our top five women’s shorts this season:
- Disco Short, £45, American Apparel - Click Here to View
- Reverse rainbow studded denim shorts, £42, ASOS - Click Here to View
- Hawaiian print super short hotpants, £25, River Island - Click Here to View
- Motel lipstick print 90s shorts, £25, Asos - Click Here to View
- Denim dungarees, £35,Yayer - Click Here to View
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