Why Are Men Turning Into High Street Fashion Clones?

While most fashion trends are subjective it goes without saying that generally, most blokes don’t have a clue…
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While most fashion trends are subjective it goes without saying that generally, most blokes don’t have a clue…

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Everyday all over the UK, males succumb to peer-pressure and the influence of the high street supplier. Inspired by The Wanted, epitomised by the Geordie Shore boys and a probable result of going wild in an All Saints store circa 2009, these five fatal errors are to be avoided - even if they are a birthday present from Mum.

Military boots

These laced leather beasts, sent straight from a war against fashion, have been outdated for nearly half a decade now. The original boots cost a hefty sum, and with knock-off versions still doing the rounds, it remains cheap and accessible for misled males to rear their ugly feet all over town.

It remains cheap and accessible for misled males to rear their ugly feet all over town

Note - most gruesome when ‘pseudo scuffed’ at the toe and most offensive when worn with woolly bibs. Sorry, snoods.

Elasticated bottoms (A.K.A Poop catchers)

Beginning baggy, these ankle hugging horrors are fortunately starting to die out in stores, but that’s not to say you still can’t spot them, namely on males of the orange variety, all over the shop.

If presented on Dragon’s Den as the solution for cyclists who no longer wish to tuck their cuffs in their socks, these might be fathomable. But as everyday menswear, they are offensive to the highest degree.

Worst case scenario - washed out denim, accompanied by fat tongued high tops. In other words, avoid the USC sale.

Attached attire: V neck jumpers and fixed shirt collar

Fact 1: Wearing a fake tie with elastic attached to school when you’re 6 is acceptable.

Fact 2: Wearing a V neck with fake shirt collar attached anywhere in you’re mid 20’s is not.

The concept as a whole is oddly unnecessary. Appreciating that the modern world is fast paced, when is their not time to put on both a shirt and V neck? Is the British weather ever really that stifling that a thin layer of shirt would make a difference to your body temperature? Pointless and peculiar, if found to be wearing this ensemble; 9 times out of 10 you will be ridiculed.

Is the British weather ever really that stifling that a thin layer of shirt would make a difference to your body temperature?

FYI - this combo should especially never be worn on the pull. Prior to crucial moment, female discovery of this would be as much as a turn off as admittance of an STI.

T-shirts of mass production

Not to be pretentious, but 17 year old N-dubz fans donning t-shirts featuring the logos of bands such as the Rolling Stones or The Ramones in a rainbow of garish colours seems far from iconic. The use of metallic print on t-shirts is also questionable, and anything by Ed Hardy is quite frankly a massive eyesore.

A special mention to the spotty teen sat opposite me on the tube last week. Having ‘I’m thinking about you naked’ sprawled across your chest made you highly attractive. Overcompensating with a navel scraping deep V was also a faux-pass.

Avoid slogans at all costs unless you’re selling something and it’s your job…

Flat caps

A farmer’s favourite, these Victorian head pancakes dip in, but mostly out, of modern day men’s fashion on a regular basis. Tending to be made of tweed, a risky material choice at the best of times, these offensive items attract attention of the wrong sort and so, gratefully for girlfriends, are prone to drunken burglaries in clubs.

Similar to flat caps are cowboy boots. Both have a context and neither is 21st century Britain.

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