Inter Railing Through France In Search Of Brothels And Gay Bars

The first holiday without the parents. We were young, dumb and full of it. That is until we were chased down by dogs, almost robbed by weed smokers and kissed by overzealous gay bar revellers...
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The first holiday without the parents. We were young, dumb and full of it. That is until we were chased down by dogs, almost robbed by weed smokers and kissed by overzealous gay bar revellers...

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The first holiday without the parents, yep, sounds exciting, we were young, dumb, full of cum etc. We could take on the world, nothing would stand in our way, and of course nothing could go wrong.

Me and my mate Dave made the decision during our summer holiday that 'Inter Railing' around Europe would be a great idea, so after getting our parents to buy us a months pass, we set off. We were 17 I think, and we knew everything. Previously I had been to Egypt, Morocco and Barbados, so I thought of myself as a world traveller. Try telling that to France.

After the ferry, first stop Paris, where instead of taking pictures of the Eiffel Tower, we ended up in the red light district, where we were ushered into a porn store, (ushered being a polite term of being forced) and shown private 'relaxation' booths, we duly did, and then watched porno movies, and yep of course we did 'relax'. We then got the hell out of there and then continued our journey south, Paris was too scary.

What we didn't know was our tickets were just for the train, and we should have reserved seats for each section of our trip, this was day one, and I'd already had enough of this bollocks. Me and Dave ended up sitting on the floor next to the toilets all night heading to fuck knows where. I guess we were thinking the same thing, 'why the fuck are we doing this?'

First stop Paris, where instead of taking pictures of the Eiffel Tower, we ended up in the red light district, where we were ushered into a porn store

If you have seen Eurotrip, you will get the general idea of this story, we then stopped at one town, Nimes or Montpellior, can't remember, or have I just blanked out these bad memories? Naturally we went to the nearest bar. It was a gay bar. We didn't realise this until a group of guys who were next to us asked me to come over and have a drink, so we did, then one guy said 'I want to ask you something' so I leant over, and the cunt tried to kiss me, christ, what is wrong with these people?!

We were out of there faster than Daley Thompson on cocaine. Naturally it got worse, we were on another train to fuckville, I think Marseilles which is a very stupid place to go to when you are a naïve as shit 17 year old, we got talking to a bunch of people on the train who were all smoking weed, we joined in, all in the spirit of friendship.... until they demanded money, all our money. The train thankfully was stopping at a station in somewhere, we decided it might be prudent to get off, (run actually) then later walking down some street in the middle of the night, someone let their dogs out, probably thinking we were criminals, and we got fucking chased by them.

We got talking to a bunch of people on the train who were all smoking weed, we joined in, all in the spirit of friendship.... until they demanded money, all our money.

My dreams of sunshine, exotic beaches and beautiful babes were fading fast, but we got there, La Lavandou, South of France, beautiful. Our first night there we met a treacle called Claire, and sitting in a bar drinking huge jugs of beer, and believe it or not, Jean Michel Jarre was performing live on the beach and there were fireworks everywhere. Maybe travelling is not so bad!

We never made it to another country, couldn't be fucking bothered, and I was in love, we also got kicked out of our campsite, then me and Dave fell out because Claire's mate didn't fancy him. We had a fight and I have never seen him again. Good old Blighty looked like heaven when I travelled back alone.

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