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The Very Lonely Planet Guide: Luton
Sick of St Tropez? Fucked off with Fiji? Had it up to here with Honolulu? If those golden sandy beaches, wild party towns and areas of outstanding natural beauty just aren’t doing it for you anymore, maybe it’s time you tried the latest travel craze – holiday destinations that were never meant to be holiday destinations.
Only Luton would boast of having an Arndale Centre
Basics
Luton is a town in Bedfordshire in the south of England. Its time zone is GMT and the currency used here is British pounds (sterling) making it a convenient destination for British holidaymakers.
Getting there and getting away
Arriving at Luton airport can provide a culture shock for even hardened travellers. It’s often raining. Locals loiter outside, signalling taxis and slapping their kids. As the airport is not managed by BAA the staff culture is lawless and unruly. Prices for trolleys or cups of coffee are extortionate and the colour scheme of the arrivals lounge hits you immediately. An explosion of orange; an unexpected and intimidating sight.
Upon departing the terminal building you will see what appears to be a succession of shambolic concrete car parks jammed with thousands of Vauxhall cars veering off into the distance down a hill. This is Luton.
Where to stay
The Travelodge on Dunstable Road is reasonable, with prices starting from £19 if booked in advance.
Most pubs in Luton are marred by violent altercations between the hours of 4-10pm so any drinking in the evening should be done using your minibar in the relative safety of your hotel room. The Travelodge stocks everything from mini Pineapple flavour Just Juice cartons to Bell’s Scotch whisky. Pringles serve as a superb accompanying snack.
Where to eat
While Luton is no culinary tour de force like Lyon or Marseille, it certainly competes with any English industrial town for choice appetising fare. This gem of a quote from Wikipedia’s food & drink section sums up the wide range of offerings: “Luton has a diverse selection of restaurants – Italian, Chinese, Indian, Caribbean, Thai and Malaysian to name a few.”
Personally, I recommend the Beefeater where a mixed grill and a bottle of Shiraz will set you back £14.95. Amazing.
This gem of a quote from Wikipedia’s food & drink section sums up the wide range of offerings: “Luton has a diverse selection of restaurants – Italian, Chinese, Indian, Caribbean, Thai and Malaysian to name a few.”
Local culture
Luton has always been synonymous with riots. Whether fuelled both by football violence, racial tension or simply disaffected youths, the estates dotted about the town are always on the brink of going up in flames. Get involved, it’s a proper adrenaline rush.
Luton Town FC (nicknamed the Hatters) provides a focal point for the local community. They’re not doing very well at the moment and currently play their football in the Blue Square Premier League. When one thinks of the names of the world’s great football leagues: Serie A, the Bundesliga, the Dutch Eeriedivision to name but a few, the Blue Square Premier is very much notable by its absence. There are, however, plus points to having a rubbish local team. As Jean Paul-Sartre once said “watching non-league football has an important function in society. It gives men a place where they can go and think about stuff.”
When to go
Luton is perfect for weekend breaks in spring. Sitting outside Wendy’s burger cafe in the Arndale centre imbibes you with a sense of cosmopolitanism that proudly justifies Luton’s tag “the new Lille”.
Other than the months of July and August, weather in Luton can be unpredictable.
In August it is an absolute delight to stroll over the footbridge crossing the dual carriageway wearing trainers and no socks, eating a Cornetto as the sun sets. In January you’ll much prefer browsing around a carpet shop pretending you want to buy something
Shopping
River Island, Monsoon, Dorothy Perkins, JD Sports and more, Luton’s bustling shopping mall is simply packed with unassuming retail stores containing uncovered gems. I picked up a three pack of Air Jordan red trimmed basketball socks for £6.99.
For those looking for jewellery, I recommend Argos where the easy-to-use new ordering machines have minimised the need for interaction between employees and customers making for an all together more pleasant shopping experience.
Sightseeing and attractions
There are no tourist attractions in Luton per se which is what lends it its unique charm.
Luton used to boast dozens of millinery factories where hats were made. Unfortunately that’s all gone now.
Don’t forget…
To bring sat nav. The town centre contra flow traffic system is a joke.
Check out train times and book tickets here
Easyjet operates flights into Luton from loads of random airports in mainland Europe.
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COMMENTS
Thanks for this. My friend talked to me about a nice train trip including Cornwall, Devon etc this summer, but he can forget that. I am going to Luton!
Love this article. I lived in Luton for a year so am well versed in its 'colloquial charms'. A mention of the nightlife wouldn't have gone amiss though...theres a lloyds bar, chicago rock cafe and liquid within punching distance of each other, not to mention a bar who's USP is a bucking bronco where girls with short skirts are actively encouraged to fall of said mechanical beast. There is however a lovely 'rock' club called the edge where its £12 all-you-can-drink on a tuesday night...where else in the world can you experience such delights?
The Edge, alas has gone. The £12 all you can drink still remains though, in an even more hideous location.
I'm from Watford, and I'd rather contact Chlamydia than visit Luton.
. . and Luton gets even better . . A flattering insight into the quaint charm experienced by the colourfully robed and turbaned locals of Luton, their ' invisible ' women swathed in sartorial black , and grey bearded elders sporting traditional Salwars ( baggy trousers) and the kameez ( baggy tunic shirts) , when indulging in their much loved pastime of Retail Therapy . . . such a welcome contrast from the brightly lit chrome and glass emporiums of Hong Kong, Singapore, Shanghai, Seoul, or Jakarta. http://www.sabotagetimes.com/life/gawd-bless-the-british-high-street/ We're all in this together . . . except the Bankers!
I'm from Luton and I'd rather contract Chlamydia than have Andy visit Luton. Sad to relate, the bucking bronco thing has gone as well. Visit instead the World's Ugliest Railway Station and marvel at the adjacent new entrant for the title of "World's Ugliest Multi-Storey Car Park". Can I recommend Stevenage as part of a 2-centre holiday?
Nice to see they still teach people to read in L*ton! Also, kudos on the Stevenage recommendation, very apt!
You forgot to mention the outstanding beauty of the local countryside, the excellent travel links to the rest of the country, the Norman church, the museum, the parklands etc etc. Oh and one last very important thing, it is not pretentious, say like that little cock of a town down the road known as Harpenden.
Phil: heartily endorse all your points there. I wrote a poem about Luton for a John Hegley gig once: "JS BACH never visited Luton Neither, coincidentally, did FRANZ SCHUBERT I think that's reflected In their music. " John didn't think much of it either.
I've heard that the manager of the Arndale (now Mall) has lived and worked in Vancouver, London, Brunei and Singapore but chooses now to live and work in Luton. That must say something for Luton... or the manager. Brian McFarland, Manager @ the Mall
I can't believe the Edge has gone - Luton needs a venue that isn't Charlie Browns (also affectionately known as the 'wine bar' by older members of the clientele), S**tgoes or Liquid (teenage drunken chavs fawnicating)
.....forgot to mention the superb kerbside recycling collection facilities.
I was a student at Luton College in the early 80's (It couldn't even make Polytechnic status in those days - but is now the University of Bedfordshire and once ranked 92 out of 92 universities in Britain). The halls of residence (imaginatively named College House) I lived in for 2 years were demolished a couple of years back. The only way was always gonna be up after that but I can laugh about it now!
Your feature doesn't mention The Wigmore Fish Restaurant which was listed in The Independent newspaper's " 50 Best Fish and Chip Shops" earlier this year !
On the basis Alex is from W*tford, I susupect he's contracted far more serious diseases than Chlamydia in his lifetime......:)
Luton is a bigger shit hole than Sunderland, Better still try Newcastle for a good night out with some tasty women and lively bars and good restaurants
If you read that thick tw*t Alex's post it actually says he would rather "contact" chlamydia. So come on Alex, what's chlamydia's phone number?
As a former Luton 'ex pat' I'm glad to see it still has the same wonderfully malevolent atmosphere it had in the late 1970's..bringing back such nostalgic memories of the 'Nag's Head' under the Strathmore Hotel...containing hoardes of Skinheads drinking Trophy Bitter and singing those rousing songs...
Surely no review of the official uk home of the taliban is complete without mention of the tramp shelter? Don't go shopping, just get a picture on your camera phone and get it stolen to order for a fraction of the price, a service provided by most friendly landlords.
Luton?? I am speechless but i enjoyed the article!
Loved the story and the attempt to give old Luton a ice PR plug but Luton is...Luton )
Laughed out loud. Would like to add to Colin's suggestion of adding Stevenage to the itinerary by offering Hemel Hempstead up as part of a 3 night coach holiday. Hemel at 2pm on any weekday is where the beautiful people of England are by the way. Come and see for yourselves.
Self-satisfied, smug, lazy rubbish. Josh, can I recommend you take your red trouser, alfalfa and hand knit cutesy snob posse to either Harpenden or St Albans? Ta!
Other boring dead northern-home county 'diamonds' to (not) visit ever: Luton - UK's idiot capital. Hoo; why? Dunstable - 'shut down' capital Leighton Buzzard - just houses, & more houses Bedford - it's got a river (shame about the rubbish) Stevenage - distribution centre housing estate Harpenden - nothing to do here, walk on St. Albans - ex-most pubs/person, yet still boring Hemel Hempstead - high st shops only hell Welwyn Garden City - gardening; what's that? Hatfield - multiplex+bowling; need I say more Watford - erm, nr London pass-thru Hertford - you looking at me?! bosh! Milton Keynes - laid-out like US city blocks but, erm...squarer Ah, all just so quaint, making it just so worth living outside nearby London. (apart from the—slightly major—issue of London's £500K 2bed flat prices, of course!)
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