So that's it over for another year. For those of you who didn't watch (and why would you), you missed a doozy.
The Billy Crystal backlash began before the red-carpet as far more talented comics begrudged the ageing comic's gig and rightly predicted four hours of lame-duck jokes to dribble out of the melted Silvio Berlusconi mask that is Crystal's face.
Despite recent Sabotage features about the general crappy nature of Twitter and how all those who use it must be empty narcissists, with more interest in sticking their heads up their own arses than sticking anything interesting in one-hundred-and-forty characters, the many hilariously jaded Tweets produced (almost) saved the night.
Here are a select few:
At this point in time, Tweet-clown-du-jour Delaney could Tweet “...and then?” ad infinitum and it would still Top Tweet every time.
JEWS RUN HOLLYWOOD!! That's probably why it's a fun place to work with lots of terrific restaurants.
Human Giant alum and renowned “Oh, it's THAT guy” of American comedy, Scheer is known for his sharp wit and shiny bald head.
How long till we convince ourselves that next years Oscars are going to be good? #TheOscars
Lovable misanthrope Harmon, creator of cult sitcom Community, is in the snark business and, buddy, business is a-boomin'.
It does seem self-serving of Crystal to make tonight's theme "Don't Forget the Nineties."
A comedy writer who often flies under the radar, much to his own chagrin, but who is steadily gaining a fan-base for his expert ability to hit nails square in the face.
If asked to sum up the cultural relevance of this year's Oscars, look no further than Billy Crystal in blackface. #Oscars
Because a) you are reading my article b) what is the Oscars really about if not narcissism? And c) I thought this was funny.
Someone give me a run-down of the Oscars? Did White Guilt present any awards? #Oscars
Yo Gabba Gabba writer/animator Vickerman nails both gross-out-comedy and looking like every nerd's dream-girl.
Imagining blowing raspberries into Billy Crystal's baggy saggy schmaggly throat skin.
You all know him, or rather you should do. One of the best comics working in America today, Aziz has the innate ability to be able to appease both the comedy nerds and the everyman, simultaneously.
Just heard Vin Diesel will be walking the Oscar red carpet in character as Dominic Toretto from Fast 5. Excited.
Owner of one of the sharpest wits (and most hideous profile pics) on Twitter. Oddly now a staff writer on a children's TV sitcom on the Disney Channel.
Oscars update: Fashion Police still only pulling over black people. #Oscars
If you're not already following Black's brand of aggressive whimsey, then may God have mercy on your The State-less soul.
As great a film as "The Artist" is, I can't think of one memorable line from it.
You may recognise Channel 101 alum Fadem from his recurring role as Simon Barrons in 30 Rock, but you should really recognise him from your daily Twitter feed, you philistines.
I think Fadem summed up this year's ceremony the best...
THE OSCARS ARE OVER WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE?!?!?
High Times At The Vanity Fair Oscars Party by Damian Harris
“Hi, Phil Parkes, (dramatic pause) Actor” announced the well-groomed handsome man in his best Troy Maclure voice. ‘Not the West Ham & QPR goalkeeper then?’ I smiled back to him. He looked confused. I started again.
‘Hello, I’m Damian. So you’re an actor? That’s nice.” Still a bit baffled he went on to tell me where his acting career was, had been and was hoping to go, my slightly frazzled mind worked out just what was going on. Phil was the third complete stranger within 10 minutes to come up and introduce themselves to me.
I was at the 2001 Vanity Fair Oscars Party in Morton’s Restaurant Hollywood. It was getting late and the famous & beautiful were starting to leave. As numbers thinned they began to let a few mortals in, many of whom were keen to meet some showbiz power brokers. To Phil and the other new arrivals so keen to meet me I was a sweaty, chubby man in an ill-fitting suit amongst a sea of the gorgeous and the blessed, the only explanation for my presence was that I had to be incredibly powerful & important. If there was a direct correlation between how bad one looks to how important one is then at that moment… I was Hollywood.
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