A Tribute To Kenny 'F*cking' Powers

With filming for series three nearly wrapped and a teaser trailer already out there, a celebration of the man with a cock like a Burmese Python...
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With filming for series three nearly wrapped and a teaser trailer already out there, a celebration of the man with a cock like a Burmese Python...

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Kenny 'Fucking' Powers

Rarely in the history of TV has a show been built around a central character as flawed as Kenny Powers. In fact, scratch that, there is nothing flawed about Kenny Powers, he is a 100%, crystal eye-clear, mined by malnourished youths in Sierra Leone and passed onto Naomi Campbell, 7000-carat cunt of a man. And he’s ace.

If I haven’t convinced you enough, Kenny Powers is not your common garden type of cunt. Kenny Powers is a boozing, whoring, dope-smoking, coke-snorting, pill-popping, steroid-injecting, misogynistic racist who thinks nothing of, when having breakfast with his latest squeeze and her 14-year-old son, pretending to fuck her while she bends over for some milk and requesting a high-five off the kid.

That is one of his better moments.

There is only one redeeming feature about Kenny Powers and that is his arm. A redneck from Shelby, Carolina, Powers (played by Danny McBride), was a baseball sensation who made it big in the Majors and spectacularly fucked it up with his attitude, lifestyle and subtle pay-off line to batsmen, “you’re fucking out…” When we meet him he has moved back to Shelby to live with his brother and, hopefully, take up with his childhood sweetheart - the voluptuous and horny April Buchanon (Katy Mixon).

The story is essentially set-up to be the redemption of a fallen hero, and how the viewer will get to see the real ‘Kenny Powers’ when he discovers what is really important in life.

I’m still waiting.

The plot loosely trundles along in the background and takes Kenny wherever he can go to be an emerald-cut cunt in the name of comedy. Each episode is, essentially, 30 minutes, of jaw-dropping cunty, inept and selfish behaviour. That and Kenny pulling hot chicks and insulting kids, dwarves, Mexicans and anyone or thing that he can.

Kenny Powers,  is a 100%, crystal eye-clear, mined by malnourished youths in Sierra Leone and passed onto Naomi Campbell, 7000-carat cunt of a man. And he’s ace.

Kenny 'Fucking' Powers is hilarious. Wrong on so many levels indeed, but the first episode alone entices enough out-loud cackles to fill the laughter track of innumerate other comedy shows, and by the end of chapter 13 you're in so deep that you're searching Google to see if there are any plans to release his self commissioned and published audio book, You’re Fucking Out I’m Fucking In.

Some of the best moments come when he is listening to the tapes in his truck, and as they won't ruin the plot, here's a few choice lines to get you started.

You’re Fucking Out I’m Fucking In, by Kenny Powers

I’m the man who has the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.

I’ve been blessed with many things in this life; an arm like a fucking rocket, a cock like a Burmese python and the mind of a fucking scientist.

I’ve been called a woman hater, that’s not fucking true. I love women, even the ugly as shit ones. But don’t ask me to trust them, even a little, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.

A lot of people ask me, ‘Kenny Powers, you’re a big star, you can get any woman you want, have you ever paid for sex?’ And the answer is yes, several times in fact, and it is actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything, and sometimes even do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.

I never brought into the Native American mythology. You can smoke the peace pipe until your dick falls off but I’m not dancing with wolves no matter how high I get.

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