Racked with grief at the loss of her beloved pet dog Norman, Jennifer Aniston has decided to commemorate her pet’s life by having his name tattooed on her foot. While celebrities (and film stars in particular) might not like to admit it, their main trade is selling their bodies. Us cinema-goers love nothing more than to gawp at our star of choice for 90 minutes while eating over-priced sugary snacks. Clearly if your body is your selling point it may not be best to do anything to tarnish it. Ok, Jen’s tattoo is discrete and out of the way but no man lusting after some Aniston action wants to glimpse another man’s - or indeed dog’s - name on any part of her body. Here’s some more appropriate ways she could have mourned Norman’s passing and saved us all from playing spot the tattoo in her next film.
Named her pet something more fun
Celebrities are normally champing at the bit to name their child ‘Trixyminx Celery’ or something equally daft, so why pick such a dull name for your pet? It might well be a perfectly suitable name for a person, but pets need something a little more fun surely?
Norman means ‘northerner’ or Norway apparently. Given that Norman was a Welsh Corgi/Terrier mix, Jen’s geography seems a little off. Next time our Jen should ask Gwyneth Paltrow for some naming tips …what could possibly go wrong?
Bought a new dog
With all her millions Jen could have got over Norman’s death a lot quicker with the perfect replacement pooch. I love pets as much as the next person but really, a tattoo? No, what you need Jen love is a new puppy you can transfer your slightly needy inappropriate feelings onto. Why not go the whole nine yards and become a hermit surrounded by dogs and never trouble our cinema screens again?
If that thing isn’t booked in for a laser removal already someone needs to get Jen a grief counsellor.
Had a henna tattoo
With Norman leaving us in May the raw emotion means it was clearly far too soon for Jen to get a tattoo. Remember Jen, unlike dogs, tattoos really are for life and not just for Christmas. That said, a henna tattoo would have lasted what, six weeks? During that time you may well have realised that not only is Norman a silly name to get tattooed on you, but it’s your dead dog's name for god’s sake. If that thing isn’t booked in for a laser removal already someone needs to get Jen a grief counsellor.
Norman could have been with us all forever. For a small fee with his innards removed he just needed to be stuffed with sawdust, a couple of glass eyes and he’s good to go. Add on a few wheels and a handle bar at the back and he could be wheeled around set by one of Jen’s lackeys. Norman could have well been the next big co-star movie execs have been looking for. His wooden performance would surely go un-noticed amongst much of the Hollywood elite.
Norman could have shared some quality chillaxing time with the great and the good (and possibly slightly mental) folk down at the cryonics lab. If only Walt Disney had really been cryopreserved a bit of networking may have seen Norman landing a futuristic film role as the dog from the past that’s been defrosted just in time to save us all from E4 still showing endless re-runs of Friends in 2075.
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