Don't Bother Going On Dragon's Den - Tweet Them Instead

Because if you can't sell half-baked schemes in 140 characters or less, you're no entrepreneur my son.
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Because if you can't sell half-baked schemes in 140 characters or less, you're no entrepreneur my son.

I love Dragon’s Den. It’s a show that was made for someone like me, someone with big ideas who wants to get the top and isn’t prepared to piss about on their way there.

That’s why I don’t bother developing any of my ideas to the point where I can actually get to climb the stairs of the den and pitch them. I’ve got too many amazing ideas and there’s too little time. What I do instead is just send them to Deborah Meaden, Theo Paphitis and Duncan Bannatyne via their Twitter accounts.

The way I see it, if you can’t explain it in 140 characters, it isn’t worth doing. Here’s some of the pitches I’ve made to the tweeting dragons from my @profanityswan Twitter account in the past couple of weeks...

“Hi, I'm looking for £100k for 20% of my range of crayons made out of discarded hen's tits.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £100k for 25% of my company making kissy-lips for household radiators.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £100,000 for 20% of my spunk-deflection mask.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £30k for 45% of my theatre group for disabled kids, 'Frig-A-Doodle-Doo'.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £45,000 for 11% of my Womble incinerator.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £99 for 99% of my khaki flannelette bikinis.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £60,000 for 25% of some Wotsits that I've filled up with hot duck butter.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £100,000 for 20% of my spunk-deflection mask.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £76,000 for 40% of my special club for conjoined twins who like to bang each other.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £150,000 for 1% of my tiny gift packs of sausage whisky.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £150k for 20% of my company making monocles for bearded women.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £75,000 for 45% of my inflatable paedophile.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £60k for 40% of my racist fish finger company.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £75k for 30% of my company making cheap bondage gear out of boiled kangaroo guts.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £80k for 60% of my Christian burlesque troupe, Sinday Breast.”

“Hi, I'm looking for £400k for 5% of the thing in this picture that I cut out of GQ this morning.”

I haven’t any replies back from Deborah, Theo or Duncan on any of the ideas yet, but as they say in the higher echelons of the business world, no news is good news.

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