Yesterday, through thorough, feather ruffling journalism, The Daily Mail uncovered one of, if not the main cause behind Britain’s free fall into sub standard education and social unrest. For years, the government, think tank experts, and political columnists have piled in on the debate about why today’s ‘youth’ are lacking discipline.
The answer has nothing to do with rich vs poor, nothing to do with immigrants; it’s all down to that bitch Peppa Pig! (Read the full story here.)
Watching the unruly mammal has reportedly led to the first case of ‘child jumping in muddy puddle’ since the murderous Vikings came here. Another parent described her shock at her child’s appalling diet saying, “A day after watching that episode, my son wouldn’t eat his cucumber and tomatoes.”
Britain is clearly at crisis point. If those lefty liberals get their way, soon we’ll end up like the lawless, savage wasteland of California where, absurdly, it is illegal for anyone to stop a child from playfully jumping in puddles, and we don’t want that do we?
However, with the type of headlines regularly printed in that newspaper, shouldn’t those interviewees be telling us stories of how their children won’t eat vegetables because they’re too high on crack?
I once saw an episode where Pepper and her brother George refused to tidy their room until their parents made it into a game, and when they’d finished the brats just trashed the room again, laughing arrogantly like they were the bloody Rolling Stones
Parents across the land are no doubt cancelling TV licence fee subscriptions and smashing their digital channel boxes in furious anger at this – ‘children are naughty expose’. Kid’s programmes are gateway television after all. Parents will be worried that in a few years they’ll be watching porn and living a life of crime, importing Cuban pigs on the black market and soon the term “smokey bacon” will never mean the same thing again.
A trainee-teacher friend of mine told me a about boy of seven years old who grabbed another child of seven and proceeded to ‘bum’ her in front of the rest of the class. Did he learn that from Peppa? I don’t know. I confess – and this may be a surprise to you – I’m not a regular watcher of the programme. I have caught it once or twice because it happens to be on after the sort of intelligent, high brow entertainment I watch in the mornings – Sponge Bob Square Pants.
Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman says there is evidence to show an increase in “adversarial, snide, questioning, confrontational and disrespectful behaviour,” which are apparently a result of watching cartoons.
It’s true, Peppa is downright rude and her parents let her get away with murder. I once saw an episode where Pepper and her brother George refused to tidy their room until their parents made it into a game, and when they’d finished the brats just trashed the room again, laughing arrogantly like they were the bloody Rolling Stones.
Dr Sigman went on to say, “...if they spend a lot of time watching the TV, they will copy the forms of behaviours that they see on the TV."
But I don’t care that little Tommy won’t eat his greens or darling Emma is using marker pen on the walls because if Dr Sigman’s advice is anything to go on, they’ll grow up to be slightly cheeky adults with an annoying sense of entitlement and low fibre.
I watched an episode of Ren and Stimpy recently and beyond the violence and drug jokes, I can’t make heads or tails of it
I’m more worried about the generation of us that grew up on programmes like Ren and Stimpy or CatDog. I watched an episode of Ren and Stimpy recently and beyond the violence and drug jokes, I can’t make heads or tails of it. And don’t get me started on CatDog - the programme that inspired The Human Centipede franchise. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve tried and failed to make a Cat-Dog hybrid – mainly because it would lead to my incarceration in some sort of animal offenders institute.
This is the generation they should be worried about. This is the generation YOU should be worried about. Here’s a short list of people who no doubt grew up watching the likes of Ren and Stimpy and look at the terrible things they’ve done.
Born 1987: This man – on purpose - Starred in three High School Musical films and New Years Eve.
Born 1988: Continues to touch her vagina in public to distract people from her inability to sing.
Born 1988: Speaking about the 2008 presidential election Brooke said: “You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?”
Born 1988: His performance in the Manchester derby caused great and – to the rest of us - hysterical pain to one half of the city and made the other half unbearable for months.
Born 1989: Beat up Rihanna and also tried to rap.
Born 1989: Is Peaches Geldof.
Born 1990: This Myspace sensation is one of the reasons no one goes there anymore and Tom doesn’t have any friends.
Our generation is a ticking time bomb of anarchic proportions so lock us all up before it’s too late!
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