This week’s Chelsea begins with the shocking news that Jamie Biscuits is HALF SCOTTISH! Where is our shortbread, Jamie Biscuits? And why didn’t you respond when I invited you to come over and watch Taggart with me whilst I did Groundskeeper Willie impressions? It turns out that Highland Honey Biscuits has a Scotsman “on my crest” (we can only assume that his Bupa insurance doesn’t cover the removal) and wants to celebrate his heritage with a reeling pardy. Proudlock has come along for the kilt fitting - he’s so good at flicking through the book of tartan samples that I think he must have worked at DFS in a past life. Proudlock thinks it’s a really good idea to invite Spencer and Louise, but Biscuits is understandably less keen, getting a second opinion from the kilt fitting man. (I think he’s a dedicated kilt fitting man, but it might be Biscuits’ Dad.)
Meanwhile, Spencer and Louise are proving to the world that they are IN LOVE AND NOT JUST SHAGGING by going to a farmers’ market. You’re only allowed to go to farmers’ markets if you’re an established couple and have been boning your SO for a minimum of three months.
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